I LOVE YOU
by Yuki The Rat
Summary: Yuki invites Tohru to the Sohma beachhouse in order to confess his love to her. How will Akito handle it, and how far will he go to get his Yuki back? Although this story pairs YukiTohru it also pairs AkitoKureno Ch. 20 up Rating changed to R
1. I Love You

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own "I Love You" it is property of Sarah McLachlan and Arista records.

Well, as some of you already know me, you also know that in my other story "Sleepless in Sohma House" I promised you a Yuki/Tohru fan fic. This is a Yuki/Tohru, but it is also a Akito/Kureno, and does include yaoi in some chapters.

Animelubber, this one is especially for you, for two reasons.

1) I got you grounded, so I owe you. ";) Did you think I forgot?

2) I love that instead of just bitching at me for not changing "Sleepless" into a Yuki/Tohru story, you went out and wrote your own stories. I wish that everyone would do that, because we would have even more wonderful stories to choose from.

Well, this first chapter is a song fic that was inspired by my wonderful friend from Finland, Tuuli. I didn't think that I would ever write a song fic, but this song just begs for it. I also hope that this song has not been done already, at least for Fruits Basket, and if it has, I am so sorry.

****

I LOVE YOU

Chapter One: I Love You  
  
**I have a smile  
Stretched from ear to ear  
To see you walking down the road**

I stood up from my seat on the park bench when I saw her heading towards me. She was nectar to my thirsting spirit. A priceless grin framed by honey colored silk, and warm blue eyes as soft and clear as the afternoon sky. She was dressed, as I had requested, in my favorite white dress, and a pair of strappy summer sandals. I couldn't keep from smiling; it was always that way with her. If you asked her for a favor she would do her best to comply. I rushed towards her, walking quickly. I could have just waited, and in my hurry I forgot the supplies on the bench, but I couldn't help myself. I simply needed to be close to her. I hadn't seen her for two weeks, and I was impatient.

**We meet at the lights  
I stare for a while  
The world around disappears**

Before I could cross the street, the traffic light changed to red. I stopped, feeling a bit out of breath. My asthma was acting up again. I pulled my inhaler from the pocket of my jeans and took a swig. Standing across the street she had noticed me, she was waving happily. I stared at her, taking her into my memory, waiting for the light to change. She was amazing, and I was completely devoted to her. I hated that we were always apart, so I had made a vow. When we were together I would collect her. I would cherish each moment, and lock it inside. My life was not my own, and as such I never knew when, or even if, I might see her again. The light changed but I didn't notice, everything else had faded away, and now there was only her. I stood on the sidewalk, drinking her in.

"Yuki. I am so sorry that I kept you waiting. My professor asked me to stay after class, and I missed the early bus." Her apology was the first thing out of her mouth. It was just like her to be so concerned. I took her overnight bag from her shoulder, and I took her hand. We walked back towards the park.

"It is really all right, Miss Honda. I didn't mind waiting. I was just so happy that you could get away for the weekend. I have really been looking forward to this, I think that it will be fun."

"Yes." She agreed. "The beach house was a wonderful idea. Is it really okay, though? Akito didn't mind our coming here? This won't cause trouble for you, will it?"

"It was nothing." I lied uncomfortably. It was actually quite a lot. My plate was entirely full. Between college and Akito's constant demands on my time, it was extremely difficult for me to get away. Now that Akito was bedridden, he expected me to be his evening entertainment. At least twice a week, I was summoned to the main house. "I would like you to read to me, Yuki." This was Akito's favorite pastime, and he knew that I hated it. It was not that I minded reading to the head of the family, I could think of far worse bedroom activities that Akito might desire; it was the reading material that I despised. Akito's tastes ran beyond the perverted. I couldn't even phantom where he found such trash. Night after night, I sat in Akito's chambers, my cheeks burning with shame, reading him stories of love, and sex, and vampires. Always vampires. I don't know why, and I would never ask, but Akito was obsessed with them. Afterwards, it was always the same, Akito would invite me to sleep over, and I would gracefully decline. Each time he allowed me to go, and each time I breathed a sign of relief.

Since I had little money of my own, I had borrowed, or more exactly begged from Shigure. We needed food, and supplies, and I would not allow Miss Honda to pay. The sly dog knew what I was up to, and he knew that Akito would not like it, but regardless, Shigure would cover for me. "I'll pay you back someday." I had promised, and Shigure had waved it off. "Just be sure to be back by Sunday night. I will tell Akito that you are busy studying should he ask to see you, but you know how he gets. Give Tohru a kiss for me, okay."

A kiss? I had wondered, if only I had the nerve.   
  
**Just you and me  
On this island of hope  
A breath between us could be miles**

The Sohma beach house was practically on the water. It was located on a tiny islet. I had skipped all of my classes in order to arrive early. I had visited the market first, right off of the bus. I took care to include all of Miss Honda's favorite foods, strawberries, melon, chocolate, and bread, in addition to breakfast and dinner staples. I then headed to the beach house, I started by opening the windows to allow the summer breeze to air out the musty rooms. I dusted, and made up two of the bedrooms with fresh sheets. Then I stood on the porch, staring out into the water, and dreaming. I wanted to tell her, it was my plan for the weekend, but I understood that it was probably a fantasy. I was only a rat, and she was a princess. Although, I made a perfectly good friend, I felt doubtful that she would ever see me as a suitor. There were millions of nice, normal, guys out there. Her college was probably teaming with them. Guys that were not cursed. Guys that did not have an invisible leash around their neck. I figured that I didn't have a chance in hell, but maybe, just maybe, I did.

**Let me surround you  
My sea to your shore  
Let me be the calm you seek**

"Oh, it's wonderful here." She said excitedly. She rushed to the patio and looked out at the ocean. Dropping her bag, and my supplies, on a table I followed her outside. I smiled, because I had known that she would love it. "It's almost like I'm standing in the middle of the ocean. Is this the spot?"

I nodded, moving to her side. Shyly, I pushed a strand of unruly hair out of her eyes. 'I should kiss her.' I told myself. 'Right here, right now. I should kiss her and tell her how I feel. I should get everything right out in the open.'

'No, if I tell her now, it might make her uncomfortable. She'll feel uncomfortable, and then she will want to leave.' I decided. I pictured the shock on her face at learning that a stupid rat was in love with her. 'She probably wouldn't even tell me the truth. She would never admit that she found the thought of my loving her disgusting. Miss Honda would be gracious, she would stay for my benefit. We would be forced to spend the whole weekend together, and the whole time she would be counting the seconds until she was free of me.'

"Yuki? Is everything okay?" She wondered. Why was I so transparent?

"Yes, Miss Honda, everything is fine. Perfect in fact. It will be dark soon, so I think that is best that we do it in the morning."

"Will that give you enough time?" She wondered, always thinking ahead. She was so considerate.

"Well, perhaps not, but I can finish on Sunday, if that is all right with you. I will need to be home by Sunday night, but we can stay until late afternoon. Unless, you need to leave earlier." I crossed my fingers behind my back. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

"No, that will work out perfect. I need to study, but I can do it Sunday night when I get home. Now, are you hungry? I can get dinner started, or do we need to go buy some groceries?"

"No." I admitted proudly. "I have already handled the shopping. You'll have to cook, of course." I blushed, I would have liked to make her dinner, but I still had not mastered the kitchen. "You don't mind, do you? We can go out instead, if you'd prefer, but to be honest, I really miss your cooking."

"No, really, I'd be happy to cook." She stammered, and I noticed that she was blushing. She still didn't know how to take a compliment. "I like cooking for you, Yuki, and a restaurant would be too expensive. Why don't you relax, and I will get started, okay?"

She went inside, heading for the kitchen. I let out a frustrated sigh, and took a seat at the patio table.

**Oh and every time I'm close to you  
There's too much I can't say  
And you just walk away**

Dinner was wonderful, as expected. I had thought to buy some candles, and we ate on the patio, by candlelight. It would have been romantic, if we were a couple, but since I was a complete moron we weren't. We were just two friends, having dinner by candlelight. Afterwards, I helped her with the dishes, and we took a walk along the water's edge.

We held hands, and as we walked, I pretended that she was mine. As we passed another couple, they smiled and said hello.

"Hello." We answered back, and I wondered if they had mistaken us for lovers. We looked that way, I decided, like two young lovers who were having a stroll on the beach.

"Miss Honda." I stopped, and turned to her. I felt a little faint, and I assumed it that it was because I was so nervous.

"Yuki?" She looked up at me, her lovely face lit by the moon. I felt my heart flutter wildly in my chest, as she smiled and squeezed my hand encouragingly. This was it, the beach under the full moon, it was the perfect place, the perfect time. I would do it. I put out my hand, capturing a strand of her hair between my fingers, it felt like spun silk, and angel's wings. Lovely.

"Um… I wanted to tell you some… cough, cough, cough" I choked, literally, on my words.

"Yuki?" She grew a little blurry. This was not good, not good at all.

"I can't breath." I whispered, before my asthma took over completely. I struggled catch my breath. 'Shit!' I scolded myself, realizing that my inhaler was back at the beach house. It was sitting on the kitchen table, where I had left it. 'Now, I'll probably die here on the beach, and never get the chance to tell Miss Honda how I feel. I am such a loser.' I thought miserably, as my world swirled around me, and I dropped to my knees.

"Yuki! Oh no, your asthma!" Tohru bent down beside me, opening her handbag and pouring the entire contents out onto the sand. "Where is it? It has to be here." Finding an inhaler among the pile of make-up, hair ribbons, and chewing gum. She grabbed it up, popped off the top and placed it to my lips. She positioned her other hand gently upon the back of my neck to steady me. My lost breath was slowly found, I grabbed the hand holding the inhaler, pulling it from my lips. I would be okay now.

"Why do you have an inhaler?" I wondered stupidly, sucking the fresh sea air into my greedy lungs.

"Hatori gave it to me. Right after that time that you collapsed, last year. Well, actually, that one expired, but I asked him for a new one, this one should be fine." She searched the small canister for an expiration date. "Well, actually, oh oh, it expired last month. It worked though, right?"

"Yes, it worked, don't worry, but I still don't understand. Why did Hatori give it to you?"

"Well, I was just so worried about you after that day, and I have always carried it, just in case. It's a habit now, I guess." Her cheeks grew rosy in the moonlight. I gazed into her eyes, still aware of her hand, which remained at the back of my neck. I took one last deep breath, as I drowned within her eyes. Working up my nerve, I moved in, planning to kiss her, at last. Too late, her hand pulled away and she turned her head. Had she sensed my intentions? The moment was gone.

"We should get you back to the house. Can you walk?" She questioned, and offered me her hand. I took it, pulling myself up, and allowing her to lead me home.

**And I forgot  
To tell you  
I love you  
And the night's  
Too long  
And cold here  
Without you   
I grieve in my condition  
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so**

Yuki was freezing; he pulled his blanket up tightly around his shoulders. He was discovering how cold the beach could get at night. Worse, he couldn't fall asleep. Like so many nights, when Miss Honda had lived at Shigure's, the thought of her sleeping just a few rooms away was driving him crazy. He wanted to be with her, cuddling inside her gentle arms, but that, of course, was impossible. Even if he did find his way into her heart, he would never, ever, be able to hold his beloved, not in the way that he desired to hold her. He was just a silly rat, with silly unattainable dreams. The sooner that he accepted the truth, the better he would be. Hugging his pillow tightly to his chest, and reminding himself that even a rat shouldn't cry. Yuki willed himself to sleep.

**Oh and every time I'm close to you  
There's too much I can't say  
And you just walk away  
  
And I forgot  
To tell you  
I love you  
And the night's  
Too long  
And cold here  
Without you**

Okay, that was the teaser… Chapter two will probably use a different song, as will any chapters that follow. Is this good as a song fic?

I still need to finish up my last chapter of my other story, and then I will move on to this one, but only if you guys like it… If not, I have a couple of other things up my sleeves.

So review, and tell my what you think, okay.

YTR


	2. The Kiss

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own the lyrics "The Kiss" it is property of The Cure.

I want to say thank you for all of your nice reviews and your wonderful e-mails. I was so pleased to know that you found my first chapter agreeable. I hear that **Shiomei** has been kind enough to tell **Kirara26** from Argentina about me, (actually my other story, but I know that you are also reading this one, so I will thank you now.) and I know that a lot of you have done the same with your friends. It is such an honor to know that I have written something that you like enough to recommend to others. I could almost cry, it is so nice. I also love that I have readers from different parts of the world. I know about Germany, Finland, Canada, Argentina, and the U.S. I am curious about the rest of you though. If you do not mind. I would love it if you would tell me in your reviews what country you reside in, and also if you are a girl or boy. I always wonder about that when I read your reviews. Sometimes I can tell, but not always.

Okay, now. This chapter is a bit on the dark side. It also has some touchy subject matter, not graphic, but implied. I am warning, but I don't think it is anything that you will find offensive.

Enjoy:

****

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Two: The Kiss

I awoke in the middle of the night to the ocean's sweet voice. The waves were pounding against the shore, a soft compassionate melody that spoke of promises that could never be fulfilled. I cuddled deeper into the covers, trying to sink back into slumber, but I already knew that it was hopeless. I have not slept through the entire night, since last summer. I average about four hours of sleep each night. It isn't that I have trouble falling asleep; the problem is that I always dream, and that the dreams always awaken me. It is "his" fault, my unwelcome benefactor. He is the person that haunts my heart; his icy cruel face has taken up residence within my soul. He whispers to me while I sleep, and he is slowly destroying me. I see him now, smiling his bitter smile. He holds me captive in his arms and speaks quietly into my ear. "You will obey me, Tohru Honda. You will obey me, or Yuki will pay for it. I know that you don't want your precious Yuki to come to any harm, now do you?" I didn't. Of all of the people in my life, all of the people that I loved, Yuki was the one that I lived for. The one I most desired to protect.

I gave up on sleep, because the darkness was getting to me. I could feel "him" deep inside, he was twisting in my stomach, that leering grin decorating his handsome face, and I wanted him gone. I crawled out of the large bed, mindful of the cold, and wondered if Yuki was warm enough tonight. To escape the darkness, one must move into the light. I went first into the kitchen, searching out each light switch with groggy fingers, but the brightest light bulb, even the sunniest day, could not protect me from Akito Sohma's vile shadow. One cannot evade, what one carries inside.

While I boiled a pot of water for tea, I shivered. My entire body felt frozen from the inside out. It was early spring, and even though the days were starting to warm up a little bit, it was still so cold during the night. It didn't help that we were surrounded by the ocean. All around me I could feel the cool sea air whipping it's way into the cracks and boards of the aging beach house. It crawled up through the wood and into my skin. I trembled, pulling my robe tighter, but it didn't really help. With a cup of tea now in hand I moved like a zombie back to my room. There were two blankets on my bed. Yuki had been thoughtful in leaving me a spare. I grabbed them both up in my arms, careful not to spill my tea, and I crept down the hall to where Yuki slept.

I slid open the bedroom door, careful to make no sound. I didn't want to wake him, he needed his rest. The asthma attack had really frightened me. I truly feared for a moment that I would lose him, really lose him. 'You've already lost him.' Akito whispered from inside my brain. 'Yuki's mine. Yuki will always belong to me.' I shook my head, trying to clear "him" away, but he didn't leave, he never left. He was a part of me. He followed me everywhere, he taunted me constantly.

I placed my tea upon the night stand, so that my hands were free to shake out one of the blankets. I placed it over Yuki, bending down to tuck it snuggly around his peacefully sleeping form. That was good. Now he should be warm enough. Wrapping the other blanket around myself, and retrieving my cup of tea, I took a seat in the chair next to his bed.

What nobody knew, and I would never let Akito discover, was that Yuki was my daylight. When I was around him, everything became brighter, luminous, promising. It was during time spent at Yuki's side that I was able to find peace. His mere presence sent Akito, and all of his shadows, packing. Yuki made me feel safe. I, in turn, wanted to protect him. Protect this beautiful boy. Yuki had felt so much pain in his life, pain from Akito, pain from his parents, and pain from himself. It broke me, literally shattered me into a million worthless pieces, to know that Yuki saw himself as ugly, and undeserving. I wished for him to see himself as I saw him. I wished only for his happiness.

I watched over him, my eyes were starving for him, until the moonlight turned to dawn. Finally, because I was afraid he would wake up and catch me in his room, catch me and learn my secret, I stood. I leaned over his bed, and I placed the gentlest of kisses upon his perfect brow. My heart ached as I slid out of his room and wandered back to my own. I wished that things were different, that I could return to the past. Once upon a time it was easier. I lived at Shigure's and I saw Yuki every day. My life was perfect then, I was so happy, we were happy. "He" couldn't stand to see us that way. My life changed on the day that I was invited to the main house for tea.

"You'll come alone, Miss Tohru Honda." He had informed me, over the phone. "And you are not to tell the others, do you understand?"

I did. I understood then as I do now, that Akito Sohma's word was law. If only I could have said no. If I had never stepped into that house. Maybe if I could have found the strength to oppose him, had I not been so blindly trusting, things might have worked out differently. But, I was still foolish back then. I was a foolish girl who actually believed that Akito Sohma might someday accept me, that perhaps it was possible to change his opinion of me. I even thought that we might become friends. I went to the main house, my mind full of stupid fantasies and childish hopes, and my whole world changed forever. "I will make you suffer the way we suffer." Those words were Akito's promise to me, a promise that he had finally made good upon. Not a day passed, since that fateful summer day, that I did not suffer. I lived in a constant state of agony and denial. This was Akito's gift to me, it was my punishment for dreaming to touch what was exclusively his. I was in love with Yuki Sohma. Akito saw it, even while Yuki himself did not, and so I was punished, and the punishment appropriately was tailored to fit the crime. In Akito's mind I had stolen from him, and he wanted what I had taken back, with interest.

"I have decided that it is time for you to move away now, Tohru Honda, but I am not completely heartless. I am going to give you a present. I will be paying for your tuition and also for your boarding. I have even arranged for a part time job for you, so that you can have a little spending money." He wasn't looking at me as he told me this. We were in his chambers, just a few steps away from his large bed. He was standing at the window, staring outside, feigning indifference to my presence.

"And if I refuse?" I had found the courage to ask, and this had been a mistake. He whipped across the room in a fury, and grabbed both of my arms painfully. His long sharp nails dug into my shoulders, drawing blood.

"You would think to refuse me, Tohru Honda? How dare you be so ungrateful? Do you really think that it is a good idea to challenge my decision?" He asked coldly, pushing his face close against mine, so that I could smell his vicious breath, so that I could taste his angry spite. His voice was eerily calm, and his eyes were blazing black. I have never seen anything so magnificently ugly as those eyes. I have never in my life been so afraid of anything.

"It isn't that I am ungrateful, Akito." I had managed to answer, trying to keep the tears from overflowing my eyes. I knew that Akito hated it when I cried. "It is only that I do not wish to move away. I want to stay with them. I want to live with Yuki, and Kyo, and Shigure."

"Do you think that I do not know that?" He spat, covering my face in his poison. "That is precisely why you must leave. You are an intrusion, a distraction. I will not allow it any longer. You will go, and if you choose not to go then I will make you wish that you had never been born."

"You can threaten me all you like, Akito." I spat back, finding pent-up anger and strength hidden deep inside of my fear. "I won't go. I will move out of Shigure's house if you so command it, but you cannot make me move out of this town. I am not a Sohma, you do not control me."

"Do you not understand, you stupid little girl? I am not giving you a choice. You will leave and if you do not, Yuki will be the one that I punish. You have my word Tohru Honda, if you do not abide by my wishes, I will force Yuki to return to the main house. Yuki will live out the rest of his life paying for your crimes. Will that please you? Is that what you want?"

"You can't." I had whispered, although I knew perfectly well that he could. If Akito wanted Yuki to move back to the main house, Yuki would move back. Nobody would dare to oppose the head of the family. It was unheard of.

"I can't?" Akito laughed at me, an angry cruel laughter full of frozen sin. In one painful rush, he forced me down. I was shoved to the floor and he was laying on top of me. He was whispering seductively into my ear. "The Sohma's are my family, Tohru Honda, not yours. They belong to me. Yuki is mine, and I can do with him whatever I please. Just as I can do with you." His lips closed down, upon mine, his tongue forcing its way painfully down my throat. In an instant, my first kiss, the one that I was saving for Yuki, had vanished. Stolen from me, and engraved by darkness. I would never get it back.

**Kiss me kiss me kiss me  
Your tongue is like poison  
So swollen it fills up my mouth  
**  
What happened next, I would never speak of. Though, I often wished that I could tell someone. Saying it out loud would release it, but I simply didn't dare.

**Love me love me love me  
You nail me to the floor  
And push my guts all inside out  
  
Get it out get it out get it out  
Get your fucking voice  
Out of my head**

"You are never to speak of this day!" Akito commanded, tossing my white cotton panties at me. They landed upon my tearstained, and bruised face. His aim was on the mark. "If you ever do I will know, and Yuki will pay. I will take his virginity, just as I have taken yours, and I will not be so gentle with him. My little rat will not enjoy it as much as you did."

**I never wanted this  
I never wanted any of this  
I wish you were dead  
I wish you were dead**

I had wanted to scream. I wanted to kill him. How could he say such a thing, how could he possibly suggest that I had liked it, liked that. Was he insane? It had hurt like hell, was it possible that he could hurt Yuki even worse than he had just hurt me? Of course, it was. Akito was completely out of his mind, and what he promised would come true. I was at his mercy. As if to prove my point his gave me a warm and strangely loving smile.

"Now, that we have reach an agreement, I have decided to add a small addendum to our contract. I think that I shall allow you to keep in touch with the Sohma's. You may even visit them from time to time, if you so wish. In fact, you are welcome at the main house anytime you please. My bed will always welcome you, sweet Tohru." 

I wanted to puke, to escape. I stood in front of him, crying as I tried to cover myself with my tattered sundress. He had ripped it from my body, in one quick brutal slash. It was covered in blood, it was no longer wearable.

**I never wanted any of this  
I wish you were dead**

"Oh, poor girl. You will need something to wear home. You may have one of my robes. Come now, get up, and let's go pick one out for you. We will need to clean you up as well, we can't have my cousins seeing you this way."

A half an hour later, I left the main house wearing Akito's midnight blue robe. The soft silk felt like sandpaper against my battered skin. He had injured me terrible, scarred me outside as well as in. He had won. The deal was struck, in order to protect Yuki I would do as Akito had commanded. I no longer had the will to fight. I was soiled now, my dream of Yuki being my first love was gone, crushed. I could never be Yuki's girlfriend. He would never want me, not if he knew. I was sure of it. I was no longer pure, and Yuki deserved someone pure, someone like himself. What I could do was be his friend. Be his friend and watch over him, and I could smile for him. I would never let him see my sorrow.

Back in my room at the beach house, I showered. I changed into Yuki's favorite outfit. I felt silly wearing it two days in a row, but he had requested it. Today Yuki would honor me, one of his college courses was an art class, and Yuki was becoming quite the artist. Today, he was going to paint me. It was a project for class. A part of his final exam. I was flattered that he picked me, but I wasn't completely surprised. Yuki cared for me, he didn't actually come out and say it, and I hoped that he never would. Last night, in fact, he almost kissed me. He hadn't, I had stopped it. The worst part was that I didn't want to stop him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted it so very much. 

I needed to be careful. I couldn't allow our relationship to move outside of friendship. I could not allow Yuki to fall in love with me. Akito Sohma owned me now, just as he owned Yuki. I was his property, and his will was my command. "Yuki is mine, Tohru Honda, it will serve you well not to forget." My mother would be so disappointed in me. She had always said that it was not nice to hate. I hated Akito Sohma, I wished that he was…

**Dead  
Dead  
Dead**…

I can't think such things, he will know if I think them.

Pushing "him" out of my thoughts, I headed for the kitchen to get breakfast started.

Okay, and that was chapter two. Chapter three will be less dark, I think.

Now, I had better go work on my other story. See you soon.

YTR


	3. Do What You Have To Do

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own "Do What You Have To Do " it is property of Sarah McLachlan and Arista records.

I'm back! Well, thanks for your very gracious reviews. I love writing this story a lot, and I am happy that you like it too. Now, I can add to my list of countries, China, Finland x2, Peru, and another girl from Indiana - That makes three, anime must be popular in Indiana, maybe I should move there… hee hee. 

Well, if you are one of my readers from "Sleepless" and are wondering why the heck I am posting another chapter of this story, when I still owe you a closing chapter… (now picture the Sohma Spa bathhouse lady as I say the following) I'm so sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I don't deserve to be a writer… I am a horrible person. Seriously though, I am working on that chapter, but this weekend I was sort of fascinated with this new story and just felt the need to write this chapter, before finishing the other. I give you all my word, I will not start Ch. 4 of this story until I have posted the closing chapter of "Sleepless"… okay… so now that that is settled, read on:

****

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Three: Do What You Have To Do   
  
**What ravages of spirit  
Conjured this tempestuous rage  
Created you a monster  
Broken by the rules of love  
And fate has lead you through it**

You do what you have to do  
And fate has led you through it  
You do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize 

That I don't know how to let you go.  


"It's raining!" I noticed, and I couldn't keep the disappointment out of my voice. This put a tiny dent in my plans. I couldn't very well make Miss Honda pose on the porch in that tiny little dress if it was raining. She'd surly catch a cold.

"Actually, it's pouring. Isn't it?" She stuck her head out from the kitchen and corrected me.

"Well, it's a shame. The weather report said that this weekend would be sunny. I wonder if this will clear up soon." I walked into the kitchen where she had just finished our breakfast preparations. It looked wonderful, and I was grateful, because I was staving. 

"I am sorry, Yuki. I know that you wanted to paint me outside, with the beach as a background, but I don't think that it is such a good idea today. We don't want to make your asthma any worse." She moved past me, her hands full of plates, and gave me a sympathetic smile. There she goes again, worrying about the foolish rat. 

"It's all right, Miss Honda. I can still paint you. We will just have to do it inside. If we position you properly we can still get the ocean in the background. The room that I am sleeping in has glass doors and a wonderful view. It should work perfectly." 

"Oh yes, that's right." She said excitedly, sitting the plates down on the dining room table and clapping her hands joyfully. "It's a very beautiful view. I noticed it last night." Stopping abruptly, she covered her mouth with her hands, but now I knew for sure. It hadn't been a dream. She had been in my room last night. That confirmed how the spare blanket ended up on my bed, and even explained why she was blushing. Miss Honda had kissed me last night. It wasn't a big deal, it was only on my forehead, and rather motherly at that, but a kiss was still a kiss. It gave me hope.

"By the way, Miss Honda. I was going to thank you for that. Um… for the blanket. You should have kept it yourself though. I wanted you to have it. You must have been cold without it."

"Oh, no, really I was fine. It was more important that you kept warm. You were so sick last night, and…" I reached my hand to touch her cheek, watching as her blush widened from a tiny petal into a glowing red rose. She was so lovely this morning, and I couldn't help myself. My heart was practically bursting with my need of her. I could scarcely contain it. Her eyes locked onto mine, eyes much bluer than the sea, and I allowed my fingers to travel along her face to her lips. They were so soft, so warm, so welcoming. 

"Yuki?" She whispered, and she stepped away from me, too suddenly, enough to cause me pain. "What are you doing? We should eat, our breakfast will get cold." 

I was a fool, I determined. It was clear that she did not share my feelings. "I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I was only considering what colors I should use for your eyes." I lied, and was saddened by the look of relief that snuck across her face. "Your eyes are such a gentle blue, but I do believe that I have just the right color." I looked away from her, unable to force a smile to my lips, and dropped down at the table. Eating, however, was now the last thing that I felt like doing. 

  
**Every moment marked  
With apparitions of your soul  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
Trying to escape this desire  
The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do …**

But I have the sense to recognize  
That I don't know how to let you go

I was silent throughout breakfast, but she didn't seem to mind, or even to notice. 

'You blew it.' I berated myself. 'How dare you be so forward? Now, Miss Honda probably thinks that you're a pervert, that you only brought her up here to take advantage of her.'

'Well, didn't you?' Another part of me asked, but this part sounded like that idiot Shigure. 'Didn't you just use the excuse of needing a model to get her up here? To get her alone? And then what, Yuki? What were you planning to do if she did return your feelings? You were going to take advantage of her, weren't you?'

"That isn't it!" I protested out loud, and she peeked over at me with a curious look in her eyes. 'Moron!' Kyo's voice taunted. 'You sound like a moron, rat boy.'

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I was just thinking about the painting." And now I was lying again. "I was considering the type of pose, and I suddenly realized that what I was thinking wasn't quite it." Miss Honda nodded, and stood up to clear the table. I was getting pretty good at this, I realized to my shame. "Well, then… um… I guess I will go get set up. Can you be ready in a hour?"

"Yes!" She said, and she smiled at me. I was happy to see that she seemed to be back to normal. I hadn't scared her as much as I had feared. "A hour will be perfect. I just need to do the dishes."

I don't know how to let you go

'This could possibly be the stupidest idea that I had ever came up with.' I told myself while I set out the art supplies. 'Painting Miss Honda, as if I could ever do justice to her beauty. Now, the painting will suck. Not only will I not get a good grade, Miss Honda will possibly be offended. At the very least she will discover that I have absolutely no talent at all.'

I had positioned the bed in front of the window, in order to get the full effect of the surrounding sea. I then opened my bag and found the sheer white material that I had borrowed from my brother for the occasion. I had brought too much, as my original plan had been to drape it along the porch to create a cloud like effect. I covered the bed with it, and hung a few swathes of the thin fabric from the ceiling, fashioning a canopy of sorts. It worked nicely, giving the room a romantic ambiance. As an afterthought I added the candles that we had used during the dinner the night before. Now everything was ready, it was perfect. I was still holding a long piece of white fabric in my hands when Miss Honda entered the room, her eyes filled with tears. 

"Miss Honda? Are you all right?" Her beautiful dress had been spoiled. A large brown stain covered it's front. 

"I am so sorry, Yuki." She cried, pointing to her dress. "I spilt our tea. I've ruined your favorite dress. I've ruined your painting."

"Miss Honda, please don't cry." I told her, wanting to take her in my arms, wanting to kiss away her tears. That's disgraceful, I reminded myself. Miss Honda wasn't interested in me, not in that way. "It will be perfectly alright. We can find you something else to wear."

Her eyes grew suddenly big, and her mouth dropped open. She was glancing around room, taking everything in, and at first it appeared that she was pleased. "Yuki! This is… it's incredible. It looks like a fairytale… and oh, no… this dress completes it, and now… now… I've ruined everything." She turned to run out of the room, but I captured her hand before she could make it through the doorway. 

"Please, Miss Honda. It will be all right." I had just had the most incredible idea, but I wasn't certain if I should dare to speak of it. I shouldn't, I decided. "Don't you have something else you can wear? Another dress, perhaps."

"No!" She cried sadly. "I only brought this dress and some shorts, but they would never work. I do have my robe, but the color is completely wrong. I have nothing, nothing that I can wear. What are we going to do?"

I bit my lip. Considering the piece of fabric that I held in my hand. It would work, I was confident, and it would look unbelievable, but it was very sheer. Even if we layered it, she would still be quite exposed. 

"Yuki, that's brilliant!" She exclaimed, she had read my mind, and I was shocked that she wasn't appalled. "Let me see it." She pulled the cloth out of my hand, examining it. Her tears had ceased, but now that blush was back. Yes, she recognized it too. I was scandalous. 

"This is art!" She decided, and grinned at me. "Let's do it!"

"Really!?" I said, happy and embarrassed at the same time. 

"Yes!" She ascertained. "I will just need a couple minutes to… um… get… um… do you mind waiting outside for a moment while I get ready?"

"Oh! Yes! Excuse me, Miss Honda." I said stupidly. Of course, she couldn't actually get undressed right in front of me. I hurried out of the room, my face on fire. 

While I waited in the hall, I grew nervous. 'This whole painting thing was ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to do it. It needed to be magnificent, anything less would be an insult, but I didn't really think I was a very good artist. Yes, this was a truly horrible idea.' 

"Yuki!" I heard her soft voice calling from the room, and had to stop myself from rushing in. 

"Yes, Miss Honda. Are you ready now?" I said, trying to keep the tension out of my voice.

"Yes. You can come in now." 

I entered the room, expecting to be dazzled. I had imagined that Miss Honda would have wrapped the material around herself a few times, doing her best to hide her undergarments beneath it. I had expected that she would use her feminine skills to fashion some sort of a dress. The thought of actually seeing Miss Honda's undergarments, even veiled, was enough to set my heart racing, and to cause a warm ache to spread throughout my stomach. What I actually got when I entered the room nearly stopped my heart entirely, and it set my body fully aflame. She was so stunningly beautiful. Miss Honda had decided to forego her undergarments. She was completely naked, except for the thin piece of fabric, which covered her like a gossamer cocoon. Beneath it her body, in all of its perfection was totally revealed to me.

"Miss Honda!" I managed to whisper through the lump in my throat. 

"Is it okay?" She wondered shyly. 

"Okay?" I repeated foolishly, because I was momentarily at a loss for words.

"Is it too much?" I was making her uncomfortable, but I couldn't help it. It was simply impossible for me to not look. She was… she was…

"Stunning!" I told her. "You're stunning, Miss Honda. I'm just concerned about my ability. You make a much better model then I will ever make a painter." I admitted. It was best that she knew up front. If only it was as easy to tell her the other things that were presently on my mind, and eating away at my gut. 

I desired her. I longed to touch her, to remove that thin strip of fabric and to kiss every inch of her ivory skin. This day would surly be the ruin of me. I was quite confident that from this moment forward, I would never again be able to put Miss Honda, even for a second, out of my mind. How could I ever be without her again? How would I ever survive the lonely nights that lay ahead of me? 

****

A glowing ember  
Burning hot  
Burning slow  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
Of existing for only you  
  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
And I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go

******************

Woo hoo, another chapter complete. Now if only I can put this story out of my mind long enough to work on my other… 

Chapter four will be up… maybe soon, maybe a little past soon, but probably not until "Sleepless" is finally put to bed. 

See you soon, my dear friends.

YTR


	4. Halo

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own the lyrics "Halo" it is property of The Cure.

Okay, so how did I decide which of my two stories, this one or Nectar, to update today? Well, I read my reviews, um… well, actually one certain review helped me to decide. This one was from **"I'll never tell…" **and was anonymous… I won't bore you with the entire review, which was very nice, thank you very much… But I wanted to share a couple of lines of it with you, so here it is: 

IF YOU DON'T WRITE MORE I WILL PERSONALY COME AND FIND YOU AND RIP YOUR HEAD OFF WITH MY BARE HANDS! (GLUMP!!! That was me swallowing hard and wiping away the sweatdrops) 

I hope you, my readers and my friends, don't mind me sharing that with you, but I felt that I needed some witnesses. Ever since I posted the last chapter of "Sleepless", instead of updating this one, I have noticed an ominous presence lurking in the shadows. 

****

"I'll never tell…" This chapter is for you, and next time you review you can just admit to your true name. I already know that you are Black Haru, so hiding is doing you absolutely no good at all! 

Now, that I've covered my a** , I would like to say hello and thank you to everyone else. My list of places now has a couple of additions: Brampton, Ontario, New Jersey, Puerto Rico, Japan (Jealousy, and I don't even think I need to explain why!) Um, so **"I'll never tell…" **where did you say you came from again??? Well, enjoy the story, I have to go make some coffee for the nice FBI members that are helping me into a witness protection program. Bye for now.

** **

I LOVE YOU

****

Chapter Four: Halo 

Yuki was staring at me, his mouth gaping open like a child who had just received his first toy. 

"Is it too much?" I managed to ask, looking down at myself. Yep, it was absolutely too much. The material was so transparent. I had known that it was, but now it seemed even more so. 

"Stunning!" Yuki whispered to me, granting me one of his most perfect smiles. "You're stunning, Miss Honda. I'm just concerned about my ability. You make a much better model then I will ever make a painter." His affection surrounded me, lifting my sprits for a moment, making me forget what I needed to remember. 

He walked towards me, too close. I could feel his innocent violet eyes caressing my skin. It made me uncomfortable to have him standing so near. It made me dizzy. It was making me weak. His hand moved forward, and I held my breath. 'Don't!' I stopped myself from crying out. He reach behind my head, grasping my red hair ribbon with a gentle tug, my hair tumbled down around my shoulders. 

"See this color, Miss Honda? It's all wrong." He said to me, showing me the ribbon in his hand. "You look much better this way, with your hair down. It's gotten so long. It's very pretty." His eyes locked upon mine, imploring me to see him, to understand. I closed my eyes. Shutting him out. Praying that I wouldn't start crying again. My tears were getting harder to explain. I felt his sweet breath upon my skin, heard his soft sigh of regret followed by his footsteps as he moved away. I opened my eyes, just in time to witness it. A single tear. It glittered upon his pale cheek, accusingly, before he brushed it angrily away.

****

*

I never felt like this with anyone before

You only have to smile and I'm dizzy

You make the world go round

A thousand times an hour

Just touch my head

And send me spinning

I never felt like this with anyone before

You show me colors and I'm crying

You hold my eyes in yours

And open up the world

I can't believe all of this

*

Hours passed slowly, without words. The silence expanded, filling the room with a unpleasant air. 

I had hurt him, and I felt horrible about it. It was time that I faced up to the truth. Coming to the beach house had been a mistake. It could only make things more difficult between us. I was out of my mind to pretend that Yuki had only invited me here with the intention of painting a picture. Yuki had ulterior motives. I would need to be more careful from here on out. The way that I was behaving was simply stupid and reckless.

'Do you think that I won't find out about this?' The voice of cruelty screamed inside my head. 'Do you think that just because I have taken to my bed that I can't hurt you? Do you think that Yuki is safe?' 

"No." I said under my breath, and closed my eyes, begging "him" to leave me be.

"Miss Honda? Are you okay?" Yuki asked. I opened my eyes and faked a smile. 

"I'm fine. I'm sorry, I was just distracted for a moment." Yuki smiled back. I couldn't help but notice that it seemed forced. It was fake, just like my smile. We were both telling lies. We were both hiding. We were both afraid.

"Yuki…" I started, but didn't know what I wanted to say. I wanted to make him feel better, but I wasn't really sure how I could. Yuki stopped painting, he looked over at me. He waited, his eyes begged for an explanation. The words refused me. There was simply nothing to say, nothing that could explain my unspoken rejection of him. There was only the truth, and the truth was a secret. One I couldn't share with him. "Um… it was nothing important, never mind." 

Yuki nodded, and turned his attention back to the painting. I watched him as he worked, his brow wrinkling up in concentration, the tip of his tongue darting out unconsciously. Yuki was so incredibly handsome, no not handsome; someone like Hatori or Kyo, they were handsome, Yuki went beyond that. Yuki was sunrise, and rainbows, and waterfalls. Yuki was beauty refined. I needed to give him up. I wasn't strong enough to continue this way. I didn't want our friendship to end, but I couldn't keep putting him in danger for my own selfish reasons. I needed to protect him. 

He glanced up from the painting, catching me watching him. He pushed a strand of silver hair out of his eyes, and sat the paintbrush aside. Without another word he came towards me, his eyes fastened upon mine, his hands fisting into nervous balls. 

"Yuki, what are you…" He didn't let me finish? He was clearly past letting my words slow him down. He sank down at the edge of the bed, and took my face into his gentle hands.

"Miss Honda. I…" My eyes went wide in fear. I couldn't let him say it. I placed both of my hands over his mouth wanting to keep the words from escaping.

"Yuki, don't say it." I insisted. He looked at me for a moment, sadness and confusion growing in his eyes. I couldn't stand it. I was causing him so much pain. I felt my heart burst apart against my breast. I couldn't help it. I loved him so much. 

I removed my hands from his face, and he turned away, staring out towards the sea.

"You know, don't you?" He asked quietly. "You've known all along."

"Yuki, I… I'm sorry. I can't…" I needed to say more. I needed to lie to him. I needed to tell him that I didn't feel the same. Tell him that I didn't love him. It's what Akito would want, the only thing that could keep Yuki safe, but at what cost?

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I was foolish to think that you could ever feel the same. That you could ever love someone like me. A filthy unworthily rat."

NO! My soul screamed out. I couldn't allow this. I couldn't allow him to think that way. Not that. I was the one that wasn't good enough. I was the one that was soiled. I was the unworthy one.

"You're wrong, Yuki. I do love you." The words fell from my lips, like water from a broken faucet, I couldn't shut them off. "You are my light. Yuki, how could I not love you?"

"Miss Honda?" He whispered, turning to look into my eyes. His face was wet with tears, and he was smiling at me, in curiosity, as if he wasn't quite sure that he had heard me correctly. "Um… would you mind repeating that?"

I found myself giggling, momentarily forgetting my fears. Now however, I was too embarrassed to say it again. Instead I leaned over and brushed my lips across his cheek. 

*

****

I want to keep this feeling

Deep inside of me

I want you always in my heart

You are everything

I never felt like this with anyone before

You fill my head full of rainbows

And all the rainbows end

Is every step you take

Just to be with you forever

*

"I have loved you for so long." He mumbled, and before I could escape he had my lips trapped inside a delicate kiss. Unable to keep his distance, he carefully slid down beside me, closer, almost too close. His silky fingers wrapped themselves around my waist sending a shiver breezing along my skin. His tongue whispered along the corner of my mouth, tasting tentatively, before pushing its way between my lips. I tensed up automatically. I could feel "His" face prowling the back of my mind, it was trying to find a way in. I could feel Akito's brutal frozen tongue forcing itself inside my mouth, violating me, making want to scream. Yuki pulled back. His loving eyes trying to read me. Had he done something wrong?

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I should have asked you, first." It was back, that look. I was confusing him, rejecting him, hurting him. I couldn't stand it, that look. I wanted Yuki to be happy. That was the one single thing that I desired to accomplish, the only thing that I needed to do. Everything else felt shallow and pointless, but I was blowing it. I was ruining everything.

He sat up, his eyes still searching my face. He wanted me to say something, he was silently pleading with me. 

"I can't Yuki. I'm so very sorry, but I can't. I just can't be with you like that." These were the words that came out of my mouth, the words that Akito would expect me to say. Inside of me, however, my heart was shouting for me to shut up.

* 

****

I want to keep this feeling

Deep inside of me

I want you always in my heart

You are everything

*

I didn't want to lie to him any longer. I wanted to tell him the truth…

"Yuki… I…"

"No… Miss Honda, really, it is quite all right. You don't need to explain yourself. I understand perfectly." He stood up, and I grasped a hold of his hand, needing him to stay with me. Wanting to make things okay. In one quick irritated tug, he jerked his hand back, away from mine. Without another word, without looking back, he walked out of the room. I shattered, my whole world literally smashed. I stared out the window, out at the storm that was thrashing into the sea. 'That is us.' I thought. I am like the violent storm, and Yuki is the peaceful welcoming sea. I keep coming around, clouding his existence. 'It's time.' I decided. 'I have to let him go. I have to say goodbye.' 

****************

Chapter 4 completed, see you in Chapter 5.

YTR


	5. Possession

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Possession" they are property of Sarah McLachlan.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! Your reviews, and e-mails have really made me happy. I also love that a couple of you get my little Sarah McLachlan/The Cure motif that I have been using. Thank goodness, I was worried. I get the feeling that this fic might go on for a while, and other bands will most likely be added. For the moment for the beach house scenes, these two just feel right. 

I was also able to send the FBI men on their way, when I discovered that "I'll never tell…" was just a really nice fan, and not a killer. : ) (sigh of relief) 

Also, a couple of new places: California (someone who lives on my side of the world) and Florida (unless you were trying to throw off the FBI). I hope I didn't leave any out… I stayed up late writing this, so my mind is a little numb… more forgetful then normal, which is really bad.

Well, I am sleepy now, so no more of my silly talk for now. Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

****

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Five: Possession 

* 

Listen as the wind blows  
from across the great divide,  
Voices trapped in yearning,  
memories trapped in time,  
The night is my companion  
and solitude my guide,  
Would I spend forever here  
and not be satisfied,  
  
And I would be the one  
to hold you down,  
kiss you so hard,  
I'll take your breath away  
and after I'd wipe away the tears,  
Just close your eyes dear

*  


The way that she tasted, so much better than I could have imagined, was mesmerizing me. My hands found the softness of her waist, and wrapped around it. Pulling her closer, while being careful to keep my distance. Her lips were parted invitingly, but I hesitated. 'I should take this slow.' I told myself, but my tongue refused to listen, it was yearning for her. It pressed into her, grazing through honeyed lips and perfect teeth to find its home. 

But she cringed! In my hands her body grew tense. Her mouth became cold and unwelcoming. It was as if she desired to spit me away. Had I done something wrong? Had I offended her? 

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I should have asked you first." 

"I can't Yuki. I'm so very sorry, but I can't. I just can't be with you like that." I searched her face for answers, and what I saw crushed me. The look in her eyes was undeniably disgust. Was my kiss so distasteful to her? 'Of course it was, a human who turns into a rat. I'm a freak, why would anyone want to kiss someone like me?' 

  
"Yuki… I…" 

"No… Miss Honda, really, it is quite all right. You don't need to explain yourself. I understand perfectly." I had to escape her, now, right now, before she started lying again. Akito was right; it was just as he had always said. No normal girl could ever love someone like me. 

Miss Honda grabbed my hand, but I would have none of that. I didn't need her pity. I would rather have her hate me than allow her to pity me. I slapped her hand away. I ran from her, away from that room, and out the front door. I didn't bother with a jacket. I didn't even stop to tie my shoelaces. It was pouring out, but I really didn't care. All that I wanted was to put some distance between us. I had to get as far from her as possible. I was afraid of what I might say if I remained in her presence. 

The pain was obscuring my logic; it was making me angry with her. I didn't want that. I didn't want to feel badly towards her. So what if she didn't care for me. Could anyone really blame her for that? Most of the time I didn't even care for myself. Even if she was completely incapable of loving me, Miss Honda was still my friend. She was, in fact, my best friend, maybe my only friend. I was foolish to expect anything more.

I ran along the shore until I was completely out of breath, and then I dropped to my knees upon the wet sand. Living in Sohma house I had learned that tears were not an appropriate emotion in a male. If I cried when Akito beat me, it only made it worse. 

"Stop that, Yuki. Stop crying. Even a dirty little rat shouldn't cry." 

The more that I cried the harder that Akito hit me, so I trained myself to control it. I learned that it was simply best to keep my feelings hidden. I didn't laugh, I didn't cry, and up until recently I didn't smile. 

Now, however, my restraint had apparently vanished. Something inside of me was ripped wide-open, and all those years of pain were suddenly set free. Warm tears were running down my face, and I couldn't make them stop. I sat on the deserted beach, clutching handfuls of cold drenched earth, and I entirely came undone. 

I cried forever, a silly rat wallowing in a puddle of self-hatred and self-pity. When I heard her footsteps racing towards me I tried to make myself smaller, so that she might pass me by. I didn't want her to see me like this. 'Even a rat shouldn't cry.' Of course, it didn't work. She stood behind me, I could hear her struggling to catch her breath, had she ran all the way here? Why bother, Miss Honda? 

"Yuki, what are you doing? Come back to the beach house. You shouldn't be out here like this. You'll make yourself sick again." 

I couldn't look at her. I didn't even know what to say to her. So I ignored her. I sat there, my hands wrapped around my legs, my face hiding against my knees. 

"Yuki, please." Her hands tugged at my arm, trying to make me stand. I could tell from her voice that she was crying. "If you come back to the house, we can talk. We really need to talk."

"Go away, Miss Honda." I mumbled. "I want to be alone."

"Fine then. I'll let you be alone if that is what you really want, but you have to come inside. Please Yuki, I don't want to leave you out here like this."

I wouldn't budge. What did it matter if I got sick? Maybe if I were lucky I would get sick enough to die. Perhaps in death this horrible pain, this terrible loneliness, these stupid tears would cease.

"Yuki, I'm am very sorry for this, but you're leaving me no choice." Her voice was so stubborn that it made me look up. 'What exactly did she mean?' I wondered as her arms wrapped around me from behind, and Pop, she transformed me.

"Miss Honda! How could you?" I yelled at her as she scooped me up into her warm hands and cuddled me to her chest. "Put me down!" I demanded. Disregarding my wishes, she started running towards the beach house holding me carefully against the wet fabric of my favorite white dress. The rain had washed the stain away I noticed vaguely, before remembering that I was angry and yelling at her again. "I said put me down! Miss Honda! Put me down, right now!"

"NO!" She yelled back. "Yuki, I am sorry that I transformed you. I know that you probably hate me for it, but I couldn't let you just sit out there in the rain and catch a cold." 

Slowing to a walk she held out her hand so that she could look at me. She was completely soaked; her white dress was now as transparent as the fabric she had worn earlier. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen from crying, and her hair was sticking to her face. She was a mess; she was completely disheveled, and I of course found this unbearably appealing. It made me want her even more, which really pissed me off. Using every ounce of energy that I possessed, I willed myself to transform back. I knew that it was impossible. Never in my life had I ever been able to control the curse. It was what it was. The curse ruled me. I certainly didn't rule the curse. Regardless, I was furious at her. 'How dare Miss Honda use my curse to manipulate me?' I closed my eyes, and held my breath. Concentrating, I focused all my thoughts into becoming a man.

POOF! 

My transformation knocked Miss Honda to the ground. Since she was holding me in her hand when it happened I ended up on top of her. I was wet and naked and sitting right in Miss Honda's lap. 

"Yuki!" She blurted out awkwardly, and averted her eyes.

I started to scoot out of her lap, trying to escape, before she could transform me again. 

"Wait!" She insisted forcefully, and grabbed my shoulders to hold me down. "Please, Yuki. Please, don't run away again. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

I was making her cry, which made me feel guilty. It was obvious that this was causing her pain, and I couldn't understand it. She didn't make any sense, none at all. Why was she doing all of this? If she didn't care for me, why wouldn't she just let me go? She was the one who was rejecting me, so why did I feel as if she was the one who was actually being hurt by all of this? 

"Yuki… Please." She whimpered, her eyes wide, and pleading. Her hands ran absentmindedly from my shoulders to my chest, before she self-consciously pulled them back. "It's not you. Please, won't you let me explain?" 

In a warm flash, I came to my senses, my anger immediately melting away. A swirling fog of emotions, love, sorrow, fear and desire replaced it. I was sitting in her lap on the beach in the rain, and I was completely naked. She wore only a tiny white dress, which was soaked clear through. I wanted her; it was agonizing how much I wanted her. I might be nice, and I might be naïve, but there is a limit to how much any man can take, and it was at that moment that I found mine. 

*  
Through this world I've stumbled  
so many times betrayed,  
Trying to find an honest word,  
to find the truth enslaved,  
Oh you speak to me in riddles and  
you speak to me in rhymes  
My body aches to breathe your breath,  
your words keep me alive,  
  
And I would be the one  
to hold you down,  
kiss you so hard,  
I'll take your breath away  
and after I'd wipe away the tears,  
Just close your eyes dear

*

"Explain." I calmly requested. I took her face into my right hand, locking her eyes to mine, while my left hand pushed her hair back out of her face.

"Yuki…" She said, obviously distracted, as I meant her to be. 

"Yes?" Smiling innocently, I ran one finger teasingly along her throat. I leaned forward to place a tiny kiss on one of her exposed shoulders, and slowly kissed my way up her neck to her ear. 

"I'm listening, Miss Honda." I whispered in her ear, before softly licking it. "What is it that you need to explain to me?" 

"I love you." She mumbled through her tears. "I love you so much, Yuki." 

Finding her lips I kissed her feverishly, my tongue pushing its way inside to find and wrap around her own. My hands found their way up into her dress to fondle and caress the silky skin of her stomach. I kissed her this way, possessively, lovingly, until it was necessary for us to come up for air. I stared into her eyes, breathing deeply. She shivered against my hands.

"You're cold, Miss Honda?" I realized foolishly. 

"Yes, I'm cold, but I'm more worried about you. Is it all right if we go inside now? Please Yuki?" She begged, her eyes once again filling with tears. 

"Okay." I agreed. Standing I pulled her to her feet. My clothes were soaked through, but the beach house was very close. I pulled on my wet pants, but didn't bother with my shirt. Neither of us spoke for the rest of the way home.**  
**

*  
Into this night I wander,  
it's morning that I dread,  
Another day of knowing of  
the path I fear to tread,  
Oh into the sea of waking dreams  
I follow without pride,  
Nothing stands between us here  
and I won't be denied,  
  
And I would be the one  
to hold you down,  
kiss you so hard,  
I'll take your breath away  
and after I'd wipe away the tears,  
Just close your eyes dear... 

*

Chapter 5 over, chapter 6 to come, soon I promise.

Also, for those who are reading Nectar as well, I have a chapter written, but need to do a rewrite; I will try to have it up sometime this weekend. Thank you for being patient. You are all too good to me!!!! 

YTR


	6. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters. It belongs to Takaya Nasuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" they are property of Sarah McLachlan 

Well, I am finding it harder to stay within my two bands of choice. I couldn't find the perfect Cure song for this chapter so I did another Sarah McLachlan. Now I have decided to solicit lyric ideas from you, my dear readers. If you have a song, which might work with this story, let me know. I don't promise I will use it; it has to fit where I am going with this, but I would love to hear your thoughts. This chapter took two days longer to post, because I couldn't decide on the perfect song. Yikes… This was harder then I thought it would be.

Now, let's see, any new places to add to my little reader map? Yes, we have: Ontario, Washington, Michigan (this is The Smiling Onigiri, who must give me at least one song idea for my future consideration, because you were not quite satisfied with Possession in the last chapter. Since, I felt you were a little right, I must have your opinion, okay?) Did I get everyone? 

Well, enjoy this chapter, review, and tell me where in the world you live and what your favorite songs are. No need to send lyrics, unless they are really obscure, because I can find them online, just tell me song name & band. I look forward to hearing from you. : )

****

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Six: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy 

As we stepped into the warmth of the beach house, I sent up a silent 'Thank You'. I had managed to get Yuki back inside, now I just needed to get him dried off. Together we headed down the hall towards the bathroom. 

"If Yuki gets sick it will be because of you." Akito whispered from inside my head. 'Please leave me alone.' I silently begged, but of course he didn't listen. "You stupid ugly little girl, do you see what you have done to him? Do you see how you've hurt him? You don't deserve Yuki. Leave now. Get out of that house right now. Yuki is mine!"

"Stop it." I answered back. "You're wrong." Yuki looked surprised and stopped in his tracks.

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda. I'll leave you alone then."

"NO! That's not what I meant. I… I was just thinking out loud. Come on, you need to get warm." Grabbing his hand I led him the rest of the way down the hall and into the large bathroom.

Yuki grabbed two thick towels from the cupboard and I turned on the water in the large bathtub, as well as in the shower. We were both covered in sand. Yuki would need to rinse off before getting into the bath. 

I took a towel from his hands, and smiled at him.

"You should go first. I don't want your asthma to get any worse." I told him, but he shook his head.

"You need to warm up too, Miss Honda. I don't mind waiting. After all, it is my fault we were out in that rain in the first place." He turned to leave, but I decided that just wouldn't do. If I got sick, I would get better. If Yuki got sick it could be dangerous.

"We can bathe together." I offered, without really thinking about it. I had already broken most of Akito's rules. We were alone together, we had kissed, and we had basically seen each other naked, so did it really matter anymore? If we were to be punished for this, for falling in love, then shouldn't it at least be worth it?

*

All the fear has left me now  
I'm not frightened anymore  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh  
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love

*

"Miss Honda?" Yuki wondered, his eyes wide and unsure. "Are you certain about this? You're not doing this just for my benefit are you?"

"No, Yuki. I'm doing this for my benefit." I told him, pulling his towel out of his hand and placing both towels on the counter, before pulling my dress off over my head and stepping under the wonderfully hot shower.

I watched him as he unbuttoned his pants, and shyly slipped them off. I watched him, because I wanted to watch him, because I was tired of fighting it. I was completely sick of all of it, of being good, of being scared, and of needing something that I couldn't have.

When he looked over, to catch me staring, his eyes fluttered bashfully away from mine and a blush touched his pale cheeks, but then he smiled. Moving into the shower, he took both of my hands into his.

"Are you really sure about this, Miss Honda?"

"Yes, Yuki. I'm sure, but can you please do something for me?" I asked.

"Anything." He answered, lifting one of my hands to his lips and kissing it. "I'd do anything for you, Miss Honda. Anything at all."

"Can you please stop calling me that?" I said with a smile. It wasn't the first time that I had asked this of him. Yuki had called me Miss Honda for so long that it had simply become a habit. 

"I'm sorry, Miss…" His face grew beat red, and he laughed at himself. "I mean, I'm sorry, Tohru." 

Smiling at his adorable awkwardness, I reach past him and plucked up the bar of soap from its tray. Realizing that he was letting me hog all of the water, I stepped to the side and gently nudged him underneath the showerhead. "Turn around." I requested, as I worked the bar of soap into lather. "I'll wash your back." His face burned crimson, but he did as I had asked. 

As I reached out my hand to touch his pale back, my heart plummeted to my feet, and tears came to my eyes. Yuki's back, his entire back, was covered with a tiny network of razor thin scars. "Yuki." I whispered, and placed my hands over his back, gently lathering the soap over his scarred skin. "Akito? When did he do this to you?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda… I mean, Tohru. It's not very attractive is it?" He turned his back away from me, his face a mask of shame. "You don't need to… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you see."

"Don't." I told him. "You don't need to hide anything from me. Please, let me finish." I moved behind him, but instead of washing his back I stepped forward and I kissed it.

"Tohru." Yuki whispered, and I smiled, and I kissed his back again. 

"I love you, Yuki. I will never forgive Akito for doing this to you." I promised him. Resting my hands upon his perfect waist, I trailed my tongue down along his baby soft, but wounded, skin and up again to the back of his neck. 

In my mind I could hear "him" cursing me. 'Get your hands off of him! He is mine!' I steeled my heart, and smiled victoriously. 'Akito, you bastard, for each of these scars I will repay you. You deserve this, Yuki will be mine tonight, and you will not stop me."

*

  
Companion to our demons  
they will dance, and we will play  
With chairs, candles, and cloth  
making darkness in the day  
It will be easy to look in or out  
upstream or down without a thought  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
Peace in the struggle  
to find peace  
comfort on the way  
to comfort  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love.

*******

Chapter six over, seven in the works.

Yes, I know, I know, this was short. This is because the next chapter, which will probably be a lemon, and probably two versions, PG-13 on Fanfiction.net & R on Mediaminer.org, is Yuki's chapter, and if I was going to do a lemon I wanted to do it from Yuki's point of view… I think.

YTR

  
  


  



	7. Breathless

**Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters.  It belongs to Takaya Nasuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to "****Breathless****" they are property of The Corrs (****R.J. Lange, Andrea Corr)**

Hello:  Well, I have to start off by saying THANK YOU for all of your kind reviews and to **Bleed The Freak, & Joan Mistress of Magic **for your song suggestions, which were all great and will be considered for future chapters.  

A double thank you to **awintersrose49** for your song suggestions and for allowing me to read your wonderful Fushigi Yugi lemon, which was very good and very inspiring.  

Then I have to send an extra special triple big THANK YOU to **Smiling Onigiri**, for so many reasons.   Lets see #1, for the song suggestions, #2 for writing **"The Journey Home"** which is a really wonderful Fic that I highly suggest you all read.  Especially all you Kyo/Tohru lovers, because there is still a 50/50 chance that she will end up with Kyo in that story and in this one there isn't a chance in hell.  #3 for so kindly offering to be my editor, which is simply the nicest thing ever, and for helping me out with numerous suggestions and being all supportive and super nice.  YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!  If this chapter is much better than any of my others it is all her fault.

Lastly, hello to **Kativa-chan** who is also super talented, and my wonderful friend.  We have a cool little project that we are working on together, and we will be telling you about, eventually, when it is ready.  

Lastly, lastly, this is one of my famous two version chapters.  As always Fanfiction.net gets the PG-13 (which will still be a bit lemony, so don't read if you can't handle it), and mediaminer.org gets R.  Link is: be honest, I hate the PG-13 version, because I edited it so much, and I don't have it in me to fill in the blanks.  If you're old enough you really need to read the R version.  If you still  have trouble finding the mediaminer version e-mail me at Yukitherat@yahoo.com and I will be happy to forward you the link, and yes the R version is much longer, much better, and full of Yuki/Tohru goodness.  He only transforms if he actually hugs the girl, okay.  That is my story and I am sticking to it.

I LOVE YOU 

**Chapter Seven:****Breathless**

*

Go on go on  
Leave me breathless  
Come on  
Hey, yeah

*

"I'm sorry, Miss…" I said automatically, and nearly bit my lip off in order to stop my own words.  'You are such an idiot!'  I thought to myself. 'What did she just say to you?' 

"I mean, I'm sorry, Tohru." I quickly added.  I was relieved when she simply smiled at me sweetly.  She didn't seem to be at all bothered by my embarrassing slip up.

Her arm, which brushed against my side as she retrieved the bar of soap from the dish behind me, caused the butterflies in my stomach to wiggle and stir.  The moment of courage I had found on the beach seemed to have vanished, and in its place insecurity raged.  Why was she doing this?  What in the world would make her suggest that we bathe together?  Was it even possible that she wanted to be with me?  

She moved out from under the showerhead and softly touched my shoulder, encouraging me to take her place.  

"Turn around."  She said, and I assumed she didn't want me gawking at her any longer.  I was confident that I was behaving disrespectfully, but I simply couldn't help myself. She looked so amazing, how could I possibly take my eyes off her?  Secretly I blamed Akito and his dirty books, whose influence had apparently turned me into Shigure's evil twin.  Certainly I wasn't always this perverted?  'Poor Miss Honda,' I thought to myself, 'having to endure the indignity of showering with someone as corrupted as I.'

"I'll wash your back."  She offered, and my body responded without my consent.  I quickly turned around, hoping she hadn't noticed.  I willed my body to behave, but a moment later I felt her soothing hands upon the skin of my back and knew that it was hopeless.  I was a pig, which was all there was to it.

 "Yuki."  She said, her voice betraying her anger and shock.  I became suddenly self-conscious.  Had she seen "it"?  I briefly considered running away again, but her hands were still touching me and my feet simply refused to move.

"Akito?  When did he do this to you?"  She asked, and I exhaled.  So that was what had caused her reaction, she hadn't noticed after all.

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda…  I mean Tohru.  It's not very attractive, is it?"  I had done it again. Why couldn't I just get her name right? What was I thinking expecting her to wash my hideously disfigured back?  Was I crazy?  She must find it so appalling.  I turned quickly and locked my eyes to the floor, wishing that I could simply disappear.  "You don't need to… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you see."

"Don't."  She whispered, and I could hear the compassion in her voice, along with the tears.  "You don't need to hide anything from me.  Please, let me finish."  She said, and before I could answer she was standing behind me, brushing her lips against the tattered skin of my back.  Of all things, she had found it in her heart to kiss me.

"Tohru," I whispered and held my breath.  Wet tears rose to flood my eyes and my heart sung out as she kissed me yet again.  

"I love you, Yuki.  I will never forgive Akito for doing this to you."  She vowed.  

'I should tell her that I am all right,' I thought.  'I should assure her that I have gotten better at dealing with Akito.  These days he is so sick and weak all of the time that he doesn't frighten me so much.  He still has power, he could hurt me if he really wanted, but it isn't necessary for you to worry so, my Tohru.'  I didn't get the chance to tell her this, however, because a moment later I felt her tongue sliding across my back and lost the will to speak.   I closed my eyes and reminded myself to breathe as her tongue ran along my shoulder blade then stopped to lick tiny circles on my neck.  I shivered, relaxing into slender fingers, which held me by my waist.  

I turned in her hands, marveling at the whisper of her fingertips as they played over my stomach momentarily before moving slowly up to my chest.  My eyes were following her hands along my skin so I didn't see her watching me.  Sensing her gaze, I looked into her eyes and smiled nervously. 

I lifted my hand to her face and pushed her wet hair behind her ear.  I wanted to know what she was thinking.  I needed to be positive.  It was altogether obvious how much I wanted her, my entire body was begging for her.  I was dying to kiss her, to touch her, to taste her.  I had never wanted anything so entirely.  Yet I held back, uncertain. If I moved, if I even breathed too loudly, would I break whatever spell we were under?  I didn't want this to end. 

*

The daylight's fading slowly  
But time with you is standing still  
I'm waiting for you only  
The slightest touch and I feel weak  
I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide  
And I'm losing the will to try  
Can't hide it, can't fight it

*

She smiled back at me before retrieving the soap and slowly working it, with nimble fingers, into a bubbly, fragrant potion.  She then placed her hands upon my chest, and I allowed myself a small sigh as her relaxing fingers sailed along my skin, pausing here and there, before moving on to my shoulders, my arms, my hands.  

I felt hypnotized by each of her movements, and at that moment I understood that I belonged to her completely. She had always been, and always would be, the only person that I could ever love.  

*

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless  
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny  
This loving feeling  
Make me long for your kiss  
Go on, go on  
Yeah,  
Come on,  
Yeah

*

She knelt down and starting at my toes gently washed my feet, then my legs. She worked slowly, magically, and I watched her every move with the fascinated curiosity of a restless virgin.  I groaned loudly when her hands found their way to the top of my thighs and brushed tenderly against me.   

*

And if there's no tomorrow  
And all we have is here and now  
I'm happy just to have you  
You're all the love I need somehow  
It's like a dream  
Although I'm not asleep  
And I never want to wake up  
Don't lose it, don't leave it

*

"Yuki… how do I ask this?"  She mumbled quietly, and stood up to face me. 

"You can ask me anything."  I told her as I reached to shut off the water to the shower and then to the bath, which was nearly running over.  

"What is possible?"  She asked me. I didn't understand the question at first, but then I noticed her blush and it was unmistakably clear what she was asking.

Taking her hand, I lead her to follow me as I stepped into the spa-sized bathtub.  I waited for her to seat herself before sitting beside her, trying to think how best to answer.

"It is possible for us to… do everything." I stopped and smiled before placing a gentle kiss upon her lips.  "We'd just have to be very careful, and I suppose it wouldn't be what you might call conventional." 

"I don't mind."  She whispered as I kissed her again. "I just want to be with you completely. Yuki, is that all right? Can we be together, just for tonight?"

I didn't trust myself to speak, so I answered without words by allowing my lips to travel along her face to her throat.  With my lips I worked at her neck, kissing and sucking the pale skin, before licking a slow path to her ear.  I was planning to whisper to her, to promise my undying commitment, but I became entranced with her flesh and found myself needing more of it.  I sucked at the lobe of her ear, and used my tongue to tease the tender skin just behind, before moving back to her lips.

She moaned sweetly against my lips and her tongue pushed into my mouth, searching out my own and twirling around it irresistibly.  

*

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless  
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny  
This loving feeling  
Make me long for your kiss  
Go on, go on  
Yeah,  
Come on

*

My hands dove into the water, grabbing her by the waist to lift her up so that she was standing before me. Her blue eyes peered curiously down into my own.  I lowered my hands gradually down the silky curves of her hips, allowing my fingers to savor the warmth of her body.  I wasn't really certain what our boundaries were, as I only knew what I had learned while trying my hardest not to pay attention to Shigure.  Holding my breath, I silently prayed that I wouldn't transform and drown myself as I placed the side of my face against her firm stomach and put my hands on her hips.  I was hugging her, the only way that I could without transforming.  A few moments later, when I found myself still human, I looked up at her with tears of joy in my eyes.   It wasn't impossible.  There was hope.  

She was so beautiful with her long wet hair clinging to her skin.  'I will wash it later,' I promised myself.  It was something I had always wanted to do, but first things first.  

I flicked my tongue out, licking her across her stomach.  "So good," I heard myself whisper, for I had never tasted anything quiet like her, a subtle blend of gardenia and spice.  I wanted to consume her, to devour every inch of her, but above all I wanted to please her.  That was most important.  

I grinned, leaning in to kiss her while taking both of her hands into my own.  Keeping her mouth glued to mine, my tongue finding and dancing tenderly with hers, I led her to the opposite side of the tub. There was a ledge, built to hold bath products but thick and sturdy enough to suit my purpose.  I released her hands but kept her lips locked to mine.  I swooped my hand across the ledge, sending bath products flying everywhere, then grabbed her by the hips and sat her down on the ledge, positioning myself between her knees.

Only then did I break our kiss.    

"I want…" She started.

"What?  What do you want?  I'll do anything for you."  I confessed lovingly, my hands moving down to rub across the skin of her inner thigh.    

"You."  She finished and leaned over to kiss me.  My heart smiled, and then my body laughed because her hands were touching me again.  Her fingers enfolded themselves in my hair, pressing lightly at the back of my head, as if it could bring us closer.  Her tongue left my mouth to swirl across my neck, and then up to whisper sweetness into my ear.    

"Mine now."  She said so softly that it sounded like a prayer.

"Only yours," I promised, capturing her mouth again and kissing her heatedly as I ran my hands up between her legs. 

Her eyes fluttered closed and her tongue flicked out to lick nervously along her lower lip.

(Seriously edited, sorry)

Losing my balance I tumbled down on top of her to transform into a tiny, wet, satisfied rat. 

(sorry again)

*

And I can't lie  
From you I cannot hide  
And I've lost my will to try  
Can't hide it, can't fight it,

*

Miles away, a phone was ringing.  I crawled up her stomach, to sit upon her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to transform like that."  I told her.  "I lost my balance, it was terrible of me.  Did I ruin it?"

"No."  She whispered, turning so that she could place a tiny kiss upon my head.  "It was wonderful.  I love you, Yuki."

I nuzzled my face against her cheek, and then peered around at the mess that we had made.  The tub, once full, was now nearly empty and on the floor behind us bath products were scattered and broken.  

"Was that the phone?"  She wondered.  

"I think so.  It must have been Shigure.  I'll call him back in a while."  

"We should get out then?"  She wondered, picking me up with gentle hands and sitting me on the ledge.

"Actually, if you don't mind refilling the tub, I think we could probably use another bath."  I smiled up at her and she smiled back.

*

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless  
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny  
This loving feeling, Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless  
Go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless  
Go on, go on, go on come on, leave me breathless  
Go on, go on!

* * *

Well, then another chapter complete, and to my dear **animelubber** you better be super satisfied with this chapter full of Yuki/Tohru, because it isn't getting any better than that.  

Another chapter will make it to you guys eventually, I must first update "Nectar" So it will be after I do that, most likely.  


	8. Wait and Bleed

Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or it's characters.  It belongs to Takaya Nasuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to "Wait and Bleed" they are property of Slipknot

Okay, first things first. As I am sure that any of you who write Fan Fiction understand, every once in a while I ask myself…  ahh… why am I sitting in front of my computer on such a pretty day?  Then I say, oh yeah, because of all the nice people that read and review and send me artwork, and friendly e-mails, and just everything.  THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!  Your reviews and e-mails really make it easier to keep writing.  

Next of all, some very special people need a very special 'Thank You'.  First of all, my wonderful editor **The Smiling Onigiri, **thank you for all your help, for your suggestions and for your friendship.  Thank you to **Kativa-chan **for dedicating **Lemonaid** to me.  I love that fic, and for agreeing to be my co-president on our upcoming Yaoi friendly website: Yuki's Garden.  More info to come once the site is up, but in the meanwhile I am scouting for good Fruits Basket fan art (or more exactly begging for it).  The site should be fun, with challenges and a yearly Fruits Basket Fan Fiction and Fan Arts Awards show.  E-mail me for more info.  This brings me to **Niina Shinohara** who is kindly working on the dojinshi for "Sleepless in Sohma House" and has finished a chapter.  This will end up on the website, eventually.  Niina is such a talented artist, and speaking of artist thanks to **Saiyaku, **and also to** Rosa_Gigantea & Tsutama **for your wonderful artwork.   And finally, thanks to **awintersrose, bleedthefreak, **and** Shiemi **for being so kind in your e-mails and simply being so helpful.  

Now to some warnings:  This chapter has a bit of um… bad words in it, and also a boy/boy kiss, (I did this special for **Kativa-chan**, and for myself too, so that I could make my editor read yaoi).  If you are not old enough or open minded enough to deal with this, skip this chapter and I will try to be better in my next chapter.  I give this a manga type rating of OT (older teen).

Well enough talk, enjoy:

I LOVE YOU

**Chapter Eight:  Wait and Bleed**

*

I've felt the hate rise up in me...

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...

I wander over where you can't see...

Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

*

"Yuki's not home yet?"  I asked crossly into the phone, no longer capable of keeping the annoyance out of my voice.  On the other end Shigure grew quiet as he contemplated how to answer.  'Is he going to lie again?'  Surely the dim-witted mutt was getting tired of our little charade.  He isn't this stupid and he has to know that I'm seeing right through him, what could he possibly gain by keeping this up?  He knows it's impossible to keep secrets from me. Does he really want to incur my wrath for such a useless attempt to protect the traitor and the bitch?  

"He's still at the library."  Shigure answered, and I could almost hear the sweat pooling on his brow.  Oh yes, he was getting it now.  I knew, and he knew that I knew.   He would tell me the truth. It was just a matter of how long he could hold out before I broke him. 

"He's been at the library all day?  Are you sure about that?"  I questioned calmly, pushing back the rage that was crawling to the front of my brain.  If Shigure _really_ wanted to continue this way, if he _really_ wanted to dig his own grave, I was only too happy to hand him the shovel and let him get to it. 

"Well, Akito, it's like I told you the last time you called… ah… when was that, fifteen long minutes ago?  Yuki has a big test on Monday, I expect him to be out pretty late." Shigure said. 

Holding the phone to my ear, I crawled out of bed, ignoring the sudden, sharp pain in my legs, and wandered over to the window to peer out at the slowly fading sunlight.  Pushing the window open, I allowed my little pet to flutter inside and land upon my free hand.  

*

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time

Everything is 3D blasphemy

My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up

This is not the way I pictured me

I can't control my shakes

How the hell did I get here?

Something about this, so very wrong...

I have to laugh out loud; I wish I didn't like this

Is it a dream or a memory?

*****

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  Was Shigure insane?  Had he lost his frickin' mind?  He knew that I knew; yet he really wanted to play this game?  'I have been too easy on them,' I reminded myself.  Just as I had intended, they all believed I was weak and slowly dying.  I wasn't dying, of course. It was all part of my brilliantly mastered plan, a simple plan designed to accomplish one single thing: to bring Yuki back to me.  Now, however, my plan was being disrupted.  Once again Tohru Honda had taken it upon herself to disobey me.  The stupid girl was daring to defy me and my _own fucking family_ was covering for her.  I closed my hand tightly.   The tiny bird sung out painfully and wiggled against my grasp. 

"Really?  Yuki is studying?  You're sure of this, Shigure?  You are certain Yuki isn't doing anything bad?  He isn't doing anything I would find upsetting?"  I asked quietly, allowing my skepticism to leak into my tone.  "YOU FUCKING BASTARD, TELL ME THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW!"  My fist closed tighter.   I could feel tiny bones snapping sharply against the palm of my hand.  The small bird struggled, let out one more faint chirp, and then fell silent. 

"Yes, yes, Akito.  You want Yuki to do well in school, don't you?  Perhaps it might be better if you just saw him tomorrow night."  Shigure reasoned.

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YUKI TOMORROW NIGHT!  I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW!"  Opening my fist I allowed the tiny body to fall from my hand.    

"I see.  I will ask Yuki to call you as soon as he gets home then."  Shigure said softly.    

"See that you do."  I threatened and hung up the phone.  I was about to throw it across the room, but stopped.  Instead, I dialed another number.  As expected, the phone rang three times and was picked up by voice mail. 

*

I've felt the hate rise up in me...

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...

I wander over where you can't see...

Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this

Why I didn't I see this?

I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate

I have sinned by just

Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

*

"Hello, you've reached Tohru Honda…" I held the receiver away from my ear, unable to tolerate the sugary sweetness pouring out of it.  It was excruciating how much I hated that girl, how much I wished she was dead.  If only I could crush her between my fingers so easily.  If only I could break her.

"I have another errand I need you to run for me.  Call me as soon as you get this message.  I'm waiting to hear from you."  I hung up the phone again and this time I did toss it across the room.  It hit hard against the wall and dropped to the floor near my bed with a noisy clang. 

*

I've felt the hate rise up in me...

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...

I wander over where you can't see...

Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

You haven't learned a thing

I haven't changed a thing

My flesh was in my bones

The pain was always free****

*

"KURENO!"  I hollered as I stared down at the broken body of my dearest friend.  "You caused this, Tohru Honda. You've kidnapped my Yuki and you've killed my pet.  You will not be forgiven.  This time I will destroy you completely.  You think you can hide from me, but I will find you.  I will find you and I will ruin you."

The door to my room flew open and Kureno rushed inside.

"Akito!  You're out of bed?"  He hurried to my side but stopped when he saw the lifeless body lying in front of me.  His eyes moved up to me and I saw it, what I needed to see, his fear.  It filled my heart with pleasure.  

"What happened, Akito?"  He asked nervously.  "Where's Yuki?  I thought you were going to invite him over for tea."

"Where have you been?"  I questioned as I allowed my hand to fly and connect perfectly with his cheek.  He stepped back; looking stunned, but quickly recovered.  "I looked for you earlier, Kureno.  Where were you?"

"I… I… I went into town."  He whimpered.  "I told you I might go, remember Akito?  You said that Yuki would visit today and you had no need of me."

"But I don't recall giving you permission to leave the house."  I told him.  I was lying, of course.  He had told me, but at that time I hadn't cared if he was gone.  To be honest I wanted him gone.  I wanted to be alone with my Yuki, the one that I loved, and I didn't desire to be disturbed.

"I'm sorry, Akito.  It was wrong of me to leave without telling you.  Please forgive me."  He fell to his knees, groveling at my feet.  Bending, I ran my fingers gently through his silky hair.  

"Dear Kureno," I said lovingly. "Get up!"  Grabbing a handful of hair I used it to pull him to his feet.  Once he was standing, I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my lips to his.  

"Akito," he whispered as I kissed him.  Breaking through his lips, I pressed my tongue deep into his mouth.  He was so easy, this one. If only Yuki could be like this, if only Yuki knew his place.  I closed my eyes and for a moment I played, pulling Kureno's body closer to mine.  I was imagining it was Yuki that I was kissing.  It was Yuki's tongue so obediently wrapping itself around mine.  It was Yuki's small body that was rubbing itself against me, that wanted me.  Kureno moaned into my mouth, and the moment was broken.  I pushed him away.  This was not my Yuki!

"Didn't I tell you to keep quiet when I make love to you?  Haven't you learned that I do not like hearing you?  You're disgusting."

Kureno stepped back.  He stood staring down at his feet and waiting for my next command.  I walked across the room and picked up the phone.

*

I've felt the hate rise up in me...

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...

I wander out where you can't see...

Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...****

*

"Akito," Kureno whispered.  "Would you like to talk about it?  Talk about what has you so upset?"

I looked at him, my eyes bulging, my heart overflowing with fury.

"He's with _her_."  I told him, the word like venom in my mouth.  "Yuki is with that girl.  I don't know where, but I know they are together.  Shigure knows where, I'm certain, but refuses to tell me."

"Let me."  Kureno said, taking the phone from my hand.  He quickly punched in the numbers to Shigure's house with one hand while using the other to lead me back toward the bed, and handed me the phone.

I crawled under the covers and pulled Kureno down beside me as I put the phone to my ear. "Shigure, where's Yuki?"

"Akito, Yuki isn't…."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHIGURE!"  I yelled into the receiver.  Kureno pulled away and I grabbed him by the waist to stop him from leaving.  I pushed his shirt up so I could run my fingers across his soft skin.  Taking a calming breath I continued.  "Shigure, I don't feel like playing anymore, this game is no longer any fun.  It's time for you to tell me the truth."

"Akito, I don't know what you're…."

"Wrong answer.  This is the last time I'll ask, Shigure, so think long and hard before you answer.  I know that slut took him somewhere, I want to know where."

*

And it waits for you!

*

****

Now I must say sorry to **The Smiling Onigiri.  **Not only did I make her assist me in killing Akito's bird, I made her edit my boy/boy kiss.  She took it very well though, and I must say added a lot of extra spice to this chapter.  I am so lucky, because I have a **Smiling Onigiri, **and you don't.

Umm… sorry sorry, this cold medicine must be getting to me.

Oh, and to those of you who are reading "Nectar" and wonder why I lied to you and didn't update yet.  I am so sorry.  After re-reading what I wrote, I decided I wanted to do a total re-write.  So, instead I updated this, because I was in an Black Akito kind of mood.

Well, see you next chapter.


	9. Stand Inside Your Love

Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters.  It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to "Stand Inside Your Love" they are property of The Smashing Pumpkins

Hello:   This chapter took so long in coming, because I was sick, and then busy, and then because this chapter fought with me.  I was lucky to have such a wonderful editor in **Smiling Onigiri** who helped me work this chapter through, and gave me some pretty excellent ideas, as well.  I have to say that I didn't make it easy on her.  I realize now that I am not an easy person to edit for.  Thank you dear friend, for putting up with me.

Also, thanks to **awintersrose49**, for the Hershey's chocolate and also for putting up with my nonsense.  Are you sure you still want to be my editor on "Nectar"?   If so I will count my blessings, and get you the next chapter eventually.

And **thanks to all of you my beautiful readers**.  Please keep the reviews coming.  They help me to know when something is working or not, and it's simply nice to know that you are out there and that you care.

Also, this chapter has some light lemon/lime in it…  maybe bordering an R rating?…  If anyone thinks I should move this to R, let me know and I will do so, but I hope a warning should cover it.

_And one last note, I flip around in this chapter, italicized paragraphs are flashbacks_

**I LOVE YOU**

**Chapter Nine:  Stand Inside Your Love**

*****

**You and me**

**Meant to be**

**Immutable**

**Impossible**

**It's destiny**

**Pure lunacy**

**Incalculable**

**Insufferable**

**But for the last time**

**You're everything that I want and ask for**

**You're all that I'd dreamed**

**Who wouldn't be the one you love**

**Who wouldn't stand inside your love**

*

I awoke to the sound of the sea crashing hungrily against the beach house.  Opening my eyes, I peered towards the clock and allowed myself a small, contented sigh. It was 5 A.M... I actually slept through the entire night.  Breathing deeply, I couldn't help but smile.  The room smelled of fresh oil paint, raindrops, and us. It reeked of our passion. Reaching out my hand, I ran my fingers lightly over the tiny rat that was resting at the center of my stomach.   My lover's pelt was soft and warm and fluffy.  Whenever he transformed he was so precious, so adorable.

Peering down at my tummy, I felt overwhelmed by my emotions.  He looked so helpless.  I felt the familiar protective instincts taking over and carefully lifted him from my stomach to place him on an empty pillow and cover him carefully with the corner of the blanket.

*

_After Yuki and I had finished in the bath, we'd headed into the kitchen. I had planned on cooking, and Yuki was to set the table, but instead we got distracted.  Our dinner consisted of what we were able fed each other while standing in front of the open refrigerator.  _

_"Can I have some of that?"  Yuki asked sweetly as I placed the last Hershey's Kiss in my mouth.  _

_"Aah? I'm sorry, that was the last one."  I mumbled through my mouthful of chocolate.  I felt embarrassed for not offering to share, but I tended to be greedy when it came to chocolate, and Yuki knew it._

_"That's okay, I'll get it myself," he told me.  Covering my mouth with his lips, his tongue searched for the last piece of chocolate and retrieved it before I had a chance to swallow._

_"Mine."  He said, pulling away and grinning at me._  

_"I wanted that," I pouted._

_"Then take it back," he dared me.  In one swift move he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up to sit upon the kitchen counter.  My robe was yanked down off my shoulders and his lips were suddenly everywhere.  All thoughts of food and chocolate were suddenly replaced by a much stronger, much deeper craving.  We proceeded to use first the kitchen counter, then the table, and finally the floor in a number of ways that I had never before conceived possible. _

*

_When we were both completely exhausted, we kissed our way into the bedroom and collapsed upon the bed.  _

_"I want to hold you."  He told me, and I looked at him, not knowing what to say. _

_"Lay down," he requested.  I did, and he tenderly pushed my legs apart. _

_"You want more?"  I asked, astonished.  As much as I loved the feel of him inside me, I was exhausted. _

_"No, no," he said, and held his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.  "I mean... I do, but not now."  Then he added with a mischievous look "Can we wait 'til morning?" I blushed and nodded. He then crawled between my legs, placed a hand on each of my hips, and laid his head carefully upon my stomach._

_"But what if you transform?"  I wondered, worried I might accidentally squash him in my sleep. _

_"I won't," he promised. I have to admit that I liked it, sleeping that way. It was something I knew I could get used to.  It felt very right, very comforting.  Perfect.  However, as I had feared, Yuki wrapped his arms around me during slumber and transformed.  It was the *pop* that awakened me._  

*

Outside the bedroom window, the stormy evening sky had quietly faded into a dreary, gray dawn. The ocean had swelled, overflowing onto the patio and pressing its way inside.  The water even leaked into the house, shallow puddles covered the stone floor near the sliding glass door. We hadn't even noticed, for we were too immersed in each other to care.

The realization caused my face to grow warm as I recalled our activities from the night before.  I had never imagined that I could be that way. Never imagined I could need the things I needed, want the things I had wanted.  Wasn't making love supposed to be a delicate, graceful thing? I had always thought it would be like a dance, soft and quiet and comfortable.  It hadn't been that way with Yuki, not at all.  Not the first time, not the second, and most certainly not the last.  The last time, in fact, had felt more like a battle than a dance.  At one point I had bitten into Yuki's shoulder so deep that I could almost taste his blood, Yuki in turn had raked his nails painfully across my back.  It had hurt so much, it was so wrong, but I had liked it.  I liked it so much that it frightened me.  Was it meant to be that way between us? So rough? So heated? So painful?  Was it my fault?  Did I bring out this side of Yuki?  Did I make him act this way?  Was I bad influence?

"No!"  I said too loud and quickly shut my mouth, hoping my outburst wouldn't wake him up.  But, of course, it did.  Yuki's tiny eyes popped open, and he looked up at me and smiled lovingly.  

"Hello!"  He said happily, "Did I transform again?"  In answer to his question the room filled with a soft puff of silver smoke and with a subtle *pop* he transformed back.  "Sorry about that," he apologized. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes.  I mean no.  Well, you did, but it's okay.  I don't mind."  I muttered foolishly. Why was it that even now, after everything we had done together, he could still make me feel so completely flustered?    

"I love you."  He said in a gentle sigh.  Leaning carefully over me, and holding me locked to his eyes, he ran his lips across mine. He kissed me delicately, and then pulled back to stare down at me.

"And I you, Yuki, I love you so much."  I answered, and my heart ached because I felt so fully in love with him.  So much it actually hurt. 

He looked at me for a moment, smiling so affectionately, and then brought his lips back to mine.  This kiss was much more passionate then the first and it led to other more passionate things.  I thought about stopping him before we got lost, before our perversions got out of hand.  I felt certain we needed to talk about last night.  I was worrying about such foolish things.  I wondered if Yuki thought me improper, that perhaps he no longer respected me.  I remembered that right after Kyo had started sleeping with Kagura I had overheard him talking with Shigure about the difference between having sex and making love.  Kyo had told Shigure that he wasn't in love with Kagura, it was only sex.  Later that night, as I lay in my room trying to sleep, I could hear Kyo and Kagura through the walls.  It had been obvious they were having sex, and towards the end I distinctly heard Kyo yell out "I love you!  My god, I love you!"  If Kyo could lie to Kagura, if Kyo could use someone like that, then couldn't Yuki do the same?  

Yuki's lips crawled down my neckline to my chest.  He kissed along my breast, stopping for just a moment before continuing downward to brush along my stomach. 

"I adore you." He whispered, and his kisses moved lower, across my navel, and then down between my legs.

I moaned as his tongue flicked out to taste me.

"Yuki."  I whispered as all logic vanished and was replaced with desire.  There would be plenty of time for talk later on, perhaps at breakfast, or maybe at lunch.  Giving in to the feel of Yuki's mesmerizing lips, I let myself go.  He drank of me greedily, and then worked his way back up to my mouth.  Positioning himself carefully, to avoid transformation, he entered me smoothly.  

This time he was miraculous; it was exactly as I felt it should be.  Yuki kissed me softly the entire time. He made love to me slowly, patiently, devotedly.  It was tender and dreamy and perfect.  It felt like true love.  It felt like I was his home.

*

**Protected and the lover of**

**A pure soul and beautiful you**

**Don't understand**

**Don't feel me now**

**I will breathe**

**For the both of us**

**Travel the world**

**Traverse the skies**

**Your home is here**

**Within my heart**

**And for the first time**

**I feel as though I am reborn**

*

Later on, I left him sleeping and got out of bed.  'I'll shower and start breakfast.' I decided.  I was completely famished, and I knew that Yuki would be starving when he finally woke up. But first I pulled on my robe, and headed across the room to admire Yuki's painting.

"I could never be that beautiful," I whispered, feeling the breath catch in my chest and the tears teasing my eyes as I looked upon Yuki's interpretation of me.  'Could it be that Yuki actually saw me this way?  Was this how I looked when somebody loved me?' Wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my robe, I moved back to the bed. Leaning over, I placed a tiny kiss of gratitude upon Yuki's sleeping lips.  Then I headed for the shower.

*

**In my mind**

**Recast as child and mystic sage**

**Who wouldn't be the one you love**

**Who wouldn't stand inside your love**

**And for the first time**

**I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for**

**Your every move and waking sound**

*

I was surprised to find the bathroom such a mess, had we really gotten that ... destructive?  I took a few minutes to straighten up before turning on the water and slipping out of my robe.  

*

The kitchen turned out to be an even worse disaster than the bathroom.  I found myself giggling as I bent down to right a toppled chair and then to retrieve the phone receiver, which Yuki had purposely knocked off the hook.  Last night, the phone had chosen to ring at precisely the most crucial moment for us.

_"Shouldn't we answer it?"  I wondered.  "Shigure will worry."_

_"Let him worry."  Yuki had decided, picking up the receiver and disposing of it on the floor._

The moment I sat the phone back in its cradle it sang out piercingly, causing me to jump back and to strike my head on an open cupboard door.  

"Ouch."  I said, laughing at my own stupidity.  Rubbing my head, I grabbed the phone up and placed it to my ear.  "Good morning, Shigure," I said happily.

"Did you have fun last night, Tohru Honda?"  _'His'_ voice hit me like a wave of ice.  The kitchen floor swirled out from under me, and I dropped down painfully to my knees.

"Akito," I whispered in terror.  With quivering fingers I clutched the phone to my ear.  "Akito, I...."

"Be quiet you ugly, filthy girl!  I have nothing to say to you, you're repulsive!  Your very existence sickens me.  Where is Yuki?  Put him on the phone."

"Akito, Yuki is sleeping, he..." I murmured, and it sounded like a lie even though it was the truth.  

"IF HE'S ASLEEP, THEN WAKE HIM, YOU DIRTY TRAMP!  I WANT TO TALK TO HIM RIGHT NOW, SO GET HIM."  He shrieked loudly, sending a wave of pain through my skull.  

"No." I whimpered through my tears and felt ashamed to find myself so weak, so unable to defend myself, to defend Yuki.  

"BRING MY YUKI TO THE PHONE!  DO IT NOW, YOU LITTLE BITCH!  DO IT NOW, RIGHT NOW, OR I PROMISE YOU WILL DIE!"  

I closed my eyes and searched for what to say, but the words I needed wouldn't come.  What I was looking for was unattainable, I wanted to be rescued, but that simply wouldn't happen.   I realized that I had to be strong. No one was going to rescue me, but maybe, just maybe, I could rescue Yuki.

"No, Akito.  I won't.  I won't put Yuki on the phone.  I refuse to let you hurt him anymore.  I refuse."

Hearing quiet footsteps in the other room, I pulled myself up and held the phone tightly to my ear. Feeling something cold and wet strike me on the shoulder, I looked up and noticed the ceiling was leaking.  The tiny beach house, which had seemed so safe and warm just last night, had suddenly become as cold and cruel as a tomb.    

"You won't?  What a very stupid girl you are.  Did I not tell you what would happen to Yuki if you betrayed me?" Akito asked callously, his voice eerily calm.  

I shivered and tried not to scream.   I knew what it meant when Akito's voice grew hushed.  I knew him so well now, for I had spent the last six months getting to know him.  When Akito grew quiet, when he stopped being angry long enough to compose himself, it was a warning.  I was presently standing in the eye of Akito Sohma's storm.  I understood that whatever I said next was the only thing that would matter.  My next words could either condemn Yuki, or they could save him.  I pictured the face of my mother, begged her silently to help me, and I said it.  I told Akito exactly what he wanted to hear.

 "Yes, Akito, you did.  You did warn me, and you are right.  I was very stupid to attempt to go against you, but it was my sin, Akito.  It was me, not Yuki.  Yuki hadn't even wanted to come here, he wanted to spend time with you instead, but I made him.  I begged him to come.  If you want to punish someone, Akito, you can punish me."  

"What's this?"  He asked inquisitively.  "What exactly do you mean?"  

"I am the one at fault.  I am the one that went against you, Akito.  I am yours to discipline, whatever you ask of me I will do, but only if you give me your word that Yuki will be safe." 

A shadow fell across the cold, damp floor and I looked up to see a tall, handsome man standing in the doorway.  His hair was wet from the rain, and although I had only met him once, I knew immediately who he was and why he was here. 

The phone grew silent, only a shallow rasp of breath giving away a presence on the other side. I waited, staring into the blank eyes of Akito's loyal servant.  I waited to be swallowed by the storm.  

*

**In my time**

**I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind**

**You're mine forever now**

**Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for**

**Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for**

**Who wouldn't be the one you love**

*

Chapter done.

I hope you liked this, be sure to let me know.  I might be a little slow in getting the next few chapters out, because work is trying my time and energy, but I will do my best to not make you wait too long to see what happens.

Thank you for reading.

YTR


	10. She

Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters.  It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to "She" they are property of Elvis Costello 

As always I want to start off by saying "Thank you" for reading, and for all of your kind words...  even the beheading threat was sort of sweet. : )

Next:  I must send out a big Sohma hug (yes I know, but that's what makes it so special) to a few people.  First my editor **Smiling Onigiri**, who once again took my messy little thoughts (even spiced every thing up a bit too) and put them into something that you could actually read, put up with my whining, and sent me about a hundred great songs that I very rudely turned down.  Also thanks to **awintersrose,** who is not only helping to edit my other story, "Nectar" (that's right I actually updated thanks to her help.) but gave me lots of advice and also sent me tons of great songs that I very rudely turned down...  It was scary hard to decide on a song for this chapter.  Last of all thanks to **Shiemi** for sending help and advice, she's so darn nice.

Spoiler alert:  This chapter has a few mild spoilers from the later volumes of the manga.  I don't think it will ruin anything for you, but still wanted to let you know, cause I'm thoughtful that way.

**I LOVE YOU**

**Chapter Ten: She**

*****

**She**

**May be the face I can't forget.**

**A trace of pleasure or regret**

**May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.**

*****

I knew it immediately upon waking, I was getting sick. 'Well, that's what you get for running around naked in the rain' I told myself as I forced my weary eyes open.  It was true, that hadn't been the smartest move on my part, and I suppose I deserved to get sick for acting like such a fool, but that didn't make me feel any better about it.  We had so little time together as it was, I had to go home this afternoon and Tohru would be returning to school.  If she knew I was sick, it would ruin everything.  It was bad enough that I kept accidentally transforming on her, now I had to go and add this to the mix.  I was pitiful.

'She won't mind.'  The grand realization caressed me like a gentle whisper. 'Didn't she say it?  She's in love with you, so stop making things harder than they need to be.' Smiling optimistically, I pushed the lingering negative thoughts away.  She loved me!  Tohru was in love with me. I still couldn't believe it, she didn't care that I was only a silly rat, she was mine at last and we had....  

I sat up quickly and stared at the empty space beside me.  She wasn't there.  Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I glanced at the clock, 1:17 P.M. It was past noon, I'd been sleeping all morning.   I had to be on the bus in just a few hours, why hadn't Tohru woken me?  Had she realized that I was sick and decided to just let me sleep?  That was most likely it, I decided. That would be so like her.  Right now she was probably in the kitchen preparing soup. That wouldn't do.  I didn't want her in the kitchen, I wanted her beside me.  I didn't need soup, I needed her. 

Stepping out of the bed, I frowned as I took in the state of the room. The Sohma Beach house was old and situated close to the water, and as such was subject to flooding.  I would need to mop up before I left. I had promised Shigure when I borrowed the keys that I would take care to leave the house exactly as I found it, surely it wouldn't do to leave the bedroom full of muddy seawater.  No, it wouldn't do at all. 

I shuffled across the floor, avoiding the small watery puddles, and yanked my robe from the closet. Then I carefully backtracked to the dresser to hunt for a dry pair of socks.  That's when I noticed the letter.  Written on a simple piece of notebook paper, it was folded in half and propped up on the dresser between my inhaler and her red hair ribbon. My name was hastily scrawled and nearly illegible, but I knew immediately that the letter was from Tohru.  When I lifted it from the dresser my fingers brushed against her ribbon, bringing her smiling face to mind.  I carefully unfolded the letter and began to read. 

_Yuki,_

_I'm so sorry to tell you like this, but I understand now that we can't be together. There is so much that I can't explain to you, so much I want to tell you, but it's too late. I need to confess that last night was not the first time for me.  I should have told you yesterday, before we were together, but I didn't.  Now I know that coming here was a mistake. Please try to forget me, and to live a happy life. Tell the others I said goodbye._

_Tohru_

The letter dropped from my fingers and fluttered to the ground as I darted across the room and rushed into the hall. I tore open the door to the other bedroom. "TOHRU?"  The room was empty, so I slid the closet door open to verify what I already knew.  Her clothes and bag were gone! 

"TOHRU!"  I ran through the empty house toward the kitchen, calling out her name.  The kitchen, like the bedroom, was flooded.  The phone receiver still lay on the floor where I had dropped it last night while we were making love.  

I hurried out the front door, pausing only long enough to slide on a pair of soggy shoes. I ran all the way to the bus stop, but she wasn't there either.  Where had she gone?

I sat on the bench and tried to catch my breath.  The rain had stopped and there were people around, but I really didn't care.  I knew that they were watching me, wondering what I was up to, for I must have been a sight.  A silver haired boy dressed in a violet colored robe and a wet pair of sneakers, a boy who didn't care if everyone saw him cry. 

*****

**She may be the song that summer sings.**

**May be the chill that autumn brings.**

**May be a hundred different things**

**Within the measure of a day.**

**She may be the mirror of my dreams.**

**A smile reflected in a stream**

**She may not be what she may seem**

**Inside her shell  **

*****

After returning from the bus stop, I spent the rest of the day sitting on the wet kitchen floor in a daze.  I needed to clean up, I needed to pack, I needed to head home, but I didn't.  Instead, I called Tohru's cell phone.  I listened to her voicemail and found it strangely comforting to simply hear her voice.  I left a message and hung up.  I walked to the bedroom, retrieved the letter, and re-read it on the way back to the kitchen.  

She hadn't been a virgin.  That's what the letter meant... but if she wasn't a virgin, who had she been with before?  Only one person came to mind and I vowed that I would kill him for it.  Kyo. That stupid, bastard cat had finally beaten me at something.  It made sense, now that I really thought about it.  During our last two years in high school, I had been certain that Tohru was falling in love with that asshole.  I had even tried to convince myself that I was all right with it. The truth was that I had been afraid of rejection, so I made excuses and ran away from my feelings.  I threw myself into schoolwork and my role as student council president.  I made new friends and they served me conveniently as a shield. I hid behind Kakeru, Kimi, and Machi while pretending I wasn't in love with Tohru.  For longer then I care to admit, I watched jealously as Kyo and Tohru grew closer, as Kyo seemed to win Tohru's heart. But then, just like the stupid cat he was, he blew it. Kyo started sleeping with Kagura.

I, of course, was ecstatic.  My rival was suddenly out of the picture.  The school year had ended, it was our last summer before starting college, and my friendship with Tohru had blossomed anew.  She started avoiding Kyo and Kagura completely and began to spend all her free time with me. We hung out in my garden and held hands while taking long walks in the forest.  We picnicked in the park and read together in the grass by the lake.  Things were perfect between us.  All was as I felt it should be, but then one day as we sat on the front porch, my world blew up.

"I've decided to move to Tokyo for school."  She told me, and my heart crumbled.  We had both applied for the same college, the one Akito had chosen for me.  I had agreed to go because she would be going with me, but now she'd suddenly changed her mind.

"Tokyo?  Why Tokyo?  It's so far away, I thought we had decided..."

"I wasn't accepted, Yuki."  She said quietly, and I knew at once that she was lying.  Tohru never lied, unless she was protecting our secret, so I recognized it at once.  She was keeping something from me.

"How can you afford to live in Tokyo?  It's so expensive."  I wondered, still trying to get my mind around the idea that she was moving away. 

"My grandfather is paying for me to go and I've already found a job." I looked at her angrily, I couldn't figure out why she was lying to me.  The door opened and Kyo appeared.  He took one look at me and smirked.

"What's your problem, rat boy?"  He said and gave Tohru an icy smile, the same smile he'd been giving her all summer long.

"Tohru said she's moving out and going to school in Tokyo."  I told him and was surprised when his smile grew bigger, almost sarcastic.

"Yeah, I know.  I think it will be good for her."  Then he walked off, and I stared after him, speechless.  What had happened between Tohru and Kyo?  How could he let her move out without a fight? 

And now, as I sat on a cold wet floor getting sicker by the minute, I finally understood.  Tohru had slept with Kyo and then that bastard had moved on to Kagura.  I hadn't won Tohru's heart.  I had received it by default. 

"I don't care!"  I told myself and tore the letter in two.  "It isn't important."  I would tell her the same thing, if only she would pick up the phone.  I loved her, and nothing she had ever done, or could ever do, would change that.  I picked up the phone, hit redial, left another message, and disconnected.  Then I crumbled the letter into a ball and hit redial again.  "Please answer, Tohru." I whispered.  I wanted to be with her, if only she'd give me a chance. 

*** **

**She may be the love that cannot hope to last**

**May come to me from shadows of the past.**

**That I remember till the day I die**

**She**

**May be the reason I survive**

**The why and wherefore I'm alive**

**The one I'll care for through the rough and rainy years**

**Me I'll take her laughter and her tears**

**And make them all my souvenirs**

*****

"Yuki?"  Shigure's voice penetrated through my sleep.  "Are you alive?"  

I had spent the night on the cold kitchen floor, the phone still clutched in my hand.  I opened my eyes and looked up into Shigure's curious face.   

"She's gone."  I said, telling him the only thing that seemed to matter. "Tohru left and I miss her so much."  

Shigure placed a hand to my forehead.  "You're burning up."  He informed me and picked me up in his arms. 

"I know."  I whispered.  "But for some reason I'm freezing."

"I have to get you to Hatori."

"Not the main house, please."  I begged him.  He looked at me sympathetically but I knew I wouldn't get out of it. 

"I'm sorry, Yuki.  I'd have to take you to the main house even if you weren't sick.  There's no way around it, Akito's been asking for you." 

"That's fine."  I told him, deciding that I really didn't care anymore.   I held on tight to Shigure's neck as he carried me to the car and I transformed the moment my body touched the chilly leather seat.  Shigure picked me up off the seat and placed me safely in his shirt pocket. 

"Thank you, Shigure."  I whispered and curled up against his chest, appreciating the warmth of his body as I drifted into darkness. 

*****

**For where she goes I've got to be**

**The meaning of my life is**

**She**

*****

End of chapter.  

Thank you for reading, I will try to update soon, but once again it might take a little longer then usual, my new Plush Yuki arrived today and I will be spending a lot of time snuggling him, so I will be pretty busy. Oh and work is still pretty hectic, as well.  Please review and let me know your thoughts.  I look forward to hearing what you think.  

YTR


	11. You Really Got A Hold On Me

Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters.  It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to "You Really Got A Hold On Me" they are property of Smokey Robinson

Thanks to my dear editor, and friend, **Smiling Onigiri, **both for the editing help and for the song suggestion.  What would I ever do without you?

And thanks to my readers for the constant love, and support, and e-mails, and other various kindnesses.  You keep me writing even when I am not in the mood.

**I LOVE YOU**

**Chapter Eleven:  You Really Got A Hold On Me**

His room was pitch black, the thick drapes pulled tightly in order to shut out all traces of daylight from entering.  He was getting worse, sicker actually. To the other family members he appeared to be fading away, slowly dying, but I alone knew the truth.  Akito's body was not failing him; at least not to the extent he wanted everyone to believe.  It wasn't that Akito was faking illness, for he was certainly ill, it was more that Akito was allowing the nature of his infirmity to be misconstrued. The origin of Akito's particular condition was not his body, it was his mind. Akito was in love with someone who would never love him back.  The pain of that love, and the obsession that had been growing from it, was destroying him.

Akito's fascination with Yuki Sohma had begun in childhood.  Since I was always there, watching silently in the background as was Akito's wishes, I understood it better then anyone. Akito had fallen in love with Yuki the moment that he laid eyes upon the frail, beautiful child.  Sadly, it was a love that would never be returned.  

"He is the one." Akito had informed me the day Yuki's mother first brought him. "He is so lovely, Kureno, did you see?  Did you see him?  His name is Yuki and he is my new best friend.  I will not be alone any longer, Kureno, do you understand?  His mother has given him to me because she understands that the rat was born to be mine.  We are going to have so much fun together, it's so exciting."  

Unfortunately for Akito, his companion turned out to be broken.  Yuki was a sickly child who lacked warmth and never completely understood his place. In the Sohma family hierarchy the rat is number one, the creature closest to the head of the family, the person closest to god.  In short, Yuki was born to be Akito's lover.  The rat's soul purpose in the zodiac was to please Akito, and simply put, Yuki was not up to the task. 

Yuki rejected Akito right off the bat.  Yuki's first few years at the main house were spent alternating between crying for his mother and lying ill in a hospital bed. Akito, who was just a child himself, possessed neither patience nor the ability to properly express his emotions, and so it was that Akito quickly grew tired of his new playmate. 

"He isn't any fun, Shigure."  Akito had cried, throwing himself into Shigure's arms. 

"Isn't he?"  Shigure wondered, pulling the ten-year-old boy into his lap and giving him an understanding smile.

"No, none at all.  He makes me very unhappy."  Akito complained and moved his small hands up to Shigure's face.  "Perhaps I can play with you instead.  You are much more fun, anyway."

"Of course, Akito."  Shigure agreed, "What would you like to play?"

"Shhh… it's a secret." Akito whispered and motioned him closer.  Shigure bent to allow the young head of the family to whisper in his ear and then a moment later blushed bright red before pulling away.

"What's the matter Shigure?"  Akito asked, feigning innocence as Shigure lifted him to stand on the floor. 

"Nothing at all, Akito."  Shigure said and stood up.  

"You don't want to play with me?"  Akito asked and grabbed a hold of Shigure's hand.

"I'm just curious, Akito, where did you learn of such... um… games?"  Shigure asked and looked to me as if it had been from me.

"Don't look at him!"  Akito yelled. "Only I am allowed to look at him!"

"I'm sorry, Akito.  Forgive me."  Shigure soothed, and ran a hand playfully through Akito's jet-black hair.  

"I learned these... what did you call them...  games, from you Shigure."  Akito accused and Shigure's eyes went wide.  "From your diary, actually."

"You read my diary?"  Shigure questioned, the gentleness in his voice attempting to hide both his anger and his shame.

"Yes, Shigure, I read all of it.  I was surprised.  You are actually a very good writer."  Akito said warmly before he smiled that smile, the treacherous one, the smile that promised suffering.  

"Thank you, Akito, but I'm really not so…" Shigure started, but was cut off when Akito's hand slapped him hard across the face. 

"I don't like it, Shigure.  I don't like it one bit, what you and that snake have been up to."  Akito spat at him, and Shigure took a surprised step back.  

"Akito, it's not what you think.  Aya and I, we love each other."  He explained.  

"You'll stop it at once, Shigure.  It's disgusting that you let him touch you that way.  You should know that it displeases me."  Akito told him, and then he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Shigure's waist. "You belong to me, not to each other.  If you want to love someone, you may love me, I will allow it."  Shigure looked once again to me, his eyes begging me to save him.  

"Akito," I said calmly.  "Isn't it time for your tea?  Yuki will be expecting you, I am sure he is looking forward to your visit."  

"Oh, yes, Yuki."  Akito grinned and pulled himself away from Shigure.  "I think today, after tea, Yuki and I would like to do some painting.  Shigure, you should go into town and buy us some paint."  

"Paint?"  Shigure said, obviously relieved at the change of subject.  "That sounds like a great idea.  What color would you like?"

"Black."  Akito said so quietly he could barely be heard.  "I think today we will paint Yuki's world black.  Perhaps then he will be a more suitable playmate."

That was how it started, Akito's torment of Yuki and seduction of first Shigure, then myself.  

I, like others in the family, blamed Yuki.  It was the rat's fault that I was forced to serve as Akito's substitute lover.  It was the rat's fault that I, in time, grew to love and desperately need my crazy, beautiful lover.  It was the rat's fault that Akito would never love me in return.  It was the rat's fault entirely, because he did not understand his place.

*

**I don't like you**

**But I love you**

**Seems that I'm always thinking of you**

**You treat me badly**

**I love you madly**

**You've really got a hold on me**

**I don't want you,**

**But I need you**

**Don't want to kiss you**

**But I need to**

**You do me wrong now**

**My love is strong now**

**You really got a hold on me**

*

"Kureno?"  Akito asked quietly as I lit one of the black candles in the candelabra near the door.  Who else would it be?  Who else would even think to enter his room without knocking? Who else would dare bring a tiny flicker of light into his otherwise dark world?  Who else would be allowed?  

"Yes."  I said, taking care to keep my voice nearly silent, just loud enough to be heard.  He needed to hear me, but he didn't want to hear me.  This had always been the way it was between us.  He made love to me, but he hated me.  He put up with me because I was his loyal servant.  I was the only one he trusted, the only one who had never betrayed him. 

I held the small cage behind my back and silently asked the tiny creature inside to remain still, for it was not yet time for its presence to be known.  I had felt it the moment I entered the room, Akito was not in the mood.  

"Has it been taken care of?"  He wondered as I stepped closer to the bed.  My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I saw that he wasn't looking at me.  He lay facing the wall, his hand stretched out so he could caress its cold surface.   Yes, his mood was worse then usual today.  It was not a day for presents, not a day for joy.  Akito's heart was broken, that fucking rat had once again caused my lover pain.  

"Yes, Akito.  It is as you desired, the girl will not trouble you any longer." I took one final step forward, holding myself back from touching him.  I wanted to comfort him, to take his pain away, but I knew my place.  I did not touch my God, my God touched me.

"And Yuki?"  He asked, and I closed my eyes in sadness.  I wasn't surprised, for Yuki had always been his number one concern.  Akito was in love with Yuki, not in love with me.  It was simply how things were.

"He is on his way.  Shigure is bringing him to you."

"Shigure."  Akito said bitterly, and I bit my lip to keep from smiling.  My rival had displeased him.  Shigure was still Akito's lover on occasion and I hated him for it.  Not as much as I hated the rat, but it came close.  "What should I do, Kureno?  That damn dog… how will I punish him?"  My smile faded.  As much as I hated Shigure, he was still family.  "I'll take away the house."  Akito decided and turned to me with a happy smile.  "I'll make him move home."

"You want to bring him back to the main house?"  I asked, my jealousy surfacing.  It was bad enough the rat was returning, if the dog moved back as well....

"Yes," Akito said smugly.  "I've been thinking of bringing Shigure back for a while now.  This seems to be a good time for it."

"I suppose, if you think it is time."  I whispered, allowing the skepticism to leak out of my voice.  This was a dangerous tactic, but I was desperate.

"What?"  He asked, both annoyed that I doubted his wisdom and curious as to why.  "What is it?  Are you jealous again?"

"No."  I lied. 

"Then what is it, damn you?"  He said, sitting up and scooting across the bed so he could grab my shirt in both hands.

"I was just thinking that it might not be good to have Yuki and Shigure in the same house.  As you've said, the dog cannot be trusted."  
  


Akito's eyes went wide with realization.  He had taken the bait. 

"I see what you mean, Shigure knows too much.  Still, something must be done.  What do you suggest?"  

"Well, the dog hates to fly.  If I recall, he is petrified of planes."  I said thoughtfully.

"Are you suggesting we kick Shigure out of an airplane?"  Akito asked with a wicked grin.  He was so adorable when he thought himself funny.  His hand came up to my cheek, stroking softly, and I closed my eyes, retreating into his touch.  

"You know that's not what I was saying," I whispered.

"Yes, I know.  My Kureno would never think such dark thoughts.  So tell me then?  What did you mean?  Surely you're not asking me to send him on a holiday?"

"Not a holiday, work.  A book tour, perhaps.  That annoying editor of his has been begging him to do one for years.  Now might be the perfect time for it." I told him. One of his fingers was now hovering temptingly above my mouth so I took a chance, capturing it between my lips. 

"That's brilliant."  Akito decided as I gently suckled his warm, sweet flesh. 

"Um... Kureno, what is it that you are hiding behind your back?"  He moved quickly, meaning to take a peek, and I took a step back, allowing his hand to drop away.

"It's a surprise."  I told him, and was pleased to be graced with his prettiest smile.  

"For me?"  He wondered, and once again tried to peek, but I wouldn't allow it.

"Yes, it is a present for you, but you can only have it on one condition."  I told him as I backed away.  Keeping the small cage hidden behind my back, I moved carefully towards the bedroom window. 

"Oh really?  And what are you demanding of me now?"  He asked.

"The curtains stay open," I said and pushed the thick drapes apart.  "And since it's so nice outside, what say we open the window as well?"

"Fine."  He agreed, and I was ecstatic to see that he appeared genuinely happy.  Unlatching the window, I pushed it open.  Akito stood from the bed and scampered across the floor to stand in front of me.  "Now may I have my present?" he asked, and grinned as he reached his hand around me, searching for his prize.  

"Careful," I told him.  "We wouldn't want to drop it."  Inside the cage, the tiny bird sung out just as I had silently requested him to.

"A bird?"  He wondered as I brought the cage forward and placed it in his hands.  "You're giving me a bird?"  We both knew what this gift implied.  It was my way of telling him that I trusted him, that I loved him and would forgive him anything, even murder.

"A lovebird," I told him. 

"He's lovely."  Akito said joyfully and dropped down to sit on the floor.  He sat the cage in front of himself and worked open the tiny door. The bird fluttered out, landing upon his outstretched finger, and Akito examined it carefully.  I plopped down beside him, wanting to be close to him, hoping for his attention, for just a taste of his love. "Thank you Kureno, you've made me very happy."  He bent towards me and placed a light kiss upon my lips, just as I had hoped he would. 

"What will you call him?"  I wondered, daring to push a strand of unruly black hair behind his perfect porcelain ear.

"Yuki."  He said, spoiling the moment.  "Since he is my lovebird, I think that I will call him Yuki."

"Oh."  I reacted, pulling back.  "Of course."

"What else would I call him?"  He asked, and I stood up.  

"Yuki is a perfect name."  I agreed with him.  "I will leave you two then, so that you can get acquainted."  I headed towards the door. 

"Kureno.  Wait."  Akito called out, and quickly stood.  

The bird fluttered from his hand and flew towards the window.  'Don't you dare leave him!'  I silently commanded, and the bird immediately swerved and headed back to its cage.  Like Akito's last bird, this one would be my spy.  He would watch my lover even when I was sent away. He would tell me everything, even that which I would prefer not to know.  He would tell me in detail.

Akito rushed to my side and wrapped me in his arms.  I looked down into his eyes, mentally telling him that I loved him, for I would never dare to say it out loud.

He stood on the tips of his toes and I bent to allow him to kiss me.  His lips parted slightly and I understood the invitation.  I slid my tongue into his mouth, my heaven, and when his eyes closed and his tongue wrapped mine tightly I quickly lifted him into my arms and carried him to his bed.

As we lay down together and his fingers worked their way into my pants to find me, I bit back the desire to moan out loud.  I broke our kiss and quickly worked open his robe.  

It was at that moment a maid knocked softly on Akito's bedroom door.  

"What is it?"  Akito asked, "What do you want?"

"Master Shigure and Master Yuki, they've arrived." The maid informed us through the closed door. 

"They're here!"  Akito said happily, and pushed me away.  "Bring them to me immediately.  Kureno, go great them, hurry up, and fix your clothes.  I wouldn't want Yuki to get the wrong idea about us."

"Yes."  I answered, pushing back my desire to tie Akito to his bed and have my way with him, whether he liked it or not.  I took just a moment to re-dress myself before heading for the door. 

*

**I love you and all I want you to do**

**Is just hold me, hold me, hold me**

**Tighter. Tighter.**

**I want to leave you**

**Don't want to stay here**

**Don't want to spend**

**Another day here**

**I want to split now**

**I just can't quit now**

**You really got a hold on me**

**I love you and all I want you to do**

**Is just hold me, hold me, hold me**

*

End of chapter.  See you in chapter 12.


	12. Hang On

Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters.  It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.  Nor do I own the lyrics to **"Hang On"** they are property of **Seether**

Thanks to my editor, **Smiling Onigiri**, she put a lot of work into this chapter, and I am grateful to her.

I want to dedicate this chapter to **Sandy**, she wrote me one of the nicest e-mails I have ever received and really pushed me to get this chapter finished and posted.

Well, and we also have to consider **Kage Tsuki's **little demon chibi's.   Please call them off; I need my brain for work.  Wow, actually, maybe I didn't even write this chapter, maybe it was the demon chibi's that wrote it.  Scary thought.  

And a big hug and some kisses to the rest of you for reading this far into the story, and for forgiving my ever-growing fascination with yaoi.

**I LOVE YOU**

**Chapter Twelve:  Hang On**

"Kyo?"  I called out before knocking lightly on his bedroom door.  "I'm home, can I come in?"  

There was no answer.  I knocked again, a little bit harder this time. 

"Kyo, are you still pouting about Yuki inviting Tohru away for the weekend?"  I teased wickedly through the closed door and waited patiently for the explosion.  I knew full well how much Kyo hated it when I picked open this particular old wound, but sometimes I couldn't control myself.  Obtuse comments tend to slip out, unedited, at the worst possible moment. Perhaps it's the dog in me, or at least I like to think so.  Being tired, as I was today, only made me that much worse.

I smiled as I remembered Tohru's cheerful advice. 'Don't pick on Kyo, Shigure.  I know we're not getting along these days, but you shouldn't blame it all on him.  He's having a hard time with Kazuma's disappearance. We all need to do our best to help him get through this.'  She was correct.  This year had been a difficult one for Kyo, and although my little orange haired roommate had done a marvelous job at keeping his true feelings to himself – or should I say, turning those feelings inward and shutting everyone who cared out – the reality was that Kyo was depressed.  Over the past year Kyo had lost both his father and his friendship with Tohru Honda, a girl that he was clearly head over heels in love with, but for some unknown reason decided to shut out. 

"Take care of him for me, Shigure.  He isn't going to understand, and Akito has forbidden me from explaining.  My son will need a friend.  Be his friend, Shigure."  Kazuma had asked of me before leaving the family forever.  

Kazuma had been exiled, Sohma fashion, for crimes committed against Akito.  Last summer, in an attempt to save Kyo from being locked up for the rest of his life, Kazuma had done the unthinkable.  He had endeavored to go against Akito.  Kazuma Sohma had attempted, quite unsuccessfully, to break the Sohma curse.  His punishment for this atrocity was to be sent away, without explanation and without goodbyes. Since Hatori, Kureno, and I were Akito's henchmen in this matter, I was one of the last people that Kazuma spoke with before his memory of ever being a Sohma was completely erased.  

I suppose Akito was being lenient in his retribution.  Kazuma was banished, but for some unfathomed reason Kyo was never locked away.  Although I pride myself on knowing everything that goes on with our family, Kyo's salvation was one of the great Sohma mysteries.  Who or what had saved Kyo from being locked up right after high school?  Had Kazuma, or perhaps Kyo, made a deal with the devil?  Perhaps it was Akito himself, with some sick ulterior motive for allowing Kyo to roam free.  That explanation was the one that made the most sense, that best fit Akito's nature, so it was the one I accepted as fact.  

*

**Oh Now, I Found Myself  
Wish I was someone else  
My Hands are stained with love  
Wish I could take it away  
  
I hide behind the shell  
In Time, the pain will melt  
My heart is stained with love  
wish I could fake it**

**I gave my life away  
There's nothing left to say  
I gave my life away  
You take it in your way**

*

I knocked on Kyo's door even harder.  "Kyo, don't take everything so seriously." 

After a few minutes I decided that the cat was never going to answer, sometimes he was just too damn stubborn for his own good.  I pushed the door open and peered inside Kyo's room to find it empty.  'He's not home?'  It was 5am and the cat rarely woke up before seven, had he stayed out all night?  I had just arrived home myself - Akito hated it when his lovers snuck off in the middle of the night - but Kyo had long ago stopped his midnight dalliances with Kagura, so where he heck was he?  Off training in the mountains again?  

"Well, that's a shame."  I said to myself before heading down the hall to my own room.  Since Akito was worried that I would betray him, I had been forbidden from saying goodbye to Yuki and Aya, but I had hoped I would at least get the chance to tell Kyo I would be gone for a while. 

"Hatori will explain your departure to the family."  Akito had informed me, pulling himself out of his bed to stand before me.  I eyed him cautiously, for it was my understanding that Akito was not well enough to leave his bed.  Apparently the head of the family was up to his usual games, only this time he had decided to let me watch from the sidelines. "I am the only person you need say goodbye to, Shigure," he said to me and undid the tie on his robe.  It dropped to puddle at his feet in an open invitation that I would not be allowed to turn down.  

"And what of Kyo?"  I asked, as I obediently dropped to my knees and reached out my hands to touch him in the manner he liked best.  "What will I tell him?" 

"Tell him the truth.  You're going out of town on business for a few months."  Akito told me and smiled.  The cruelty that was hidden within his smile, and the obvious warning, sent chills down my spine.  "What's the matter, Shigure?  You're shivering."  Akito whispered, placing his hand lovingly on the top of my head.  "Come now, don't worry, I'll keep you warm tonight."  

*****

**My selfish enemy  
Still has the best of me  
Empty and feeling numb  
Wish I could take it away  
  
I can't control the need  
Too weak to not concede  
Wish I was deaf and dumb  
Wish I could fake it  
  
I gave my life away  
There's nothing left to say  
I gave my life away  
You take it in your way  
I gave my life away**  
**You take it in your way**

*****

'Perhaps it's better this way', I decided as I hunted in the back of my closet for a suitcase.  As much as I was afraid of flying, a trip would surely be the best thing for me. To tell the truth, recently I was finding it harder and harder to keep Akito's numerous secrets. I knew more than any Sohma should be allowed to know, and my true loyalties had always been rather unclear, even to myself.  

As I found and opened my rarely used suitcase, I thought about Yuki... and about Aya. Although Ayame had long ago forgiven me for breaking his heart, there was one thing he still refused to forgive:  my affair with Akito. 

"How could you, Gure?  Tell me it's not true!"  Aya was crying that day, when he confronted me outside the main house.  "With the head of the family?  He's just a child!  You truly are a pervert, just as everyone says.  I won't speak to you, Shigure, not ever again."    

Of course, since it was Aya, he did continue to speak to me, in fact he spoke to me rather often and quite angrily, and even within earshot of Akito. Eventually, because I feared for Ayame's safety and because I knew that Akito was listening in the other room, I did the only thing that made sense at the time.  I lied.

"Aya, you really need to stop this at once!"  I said coldly and stared at my feet to avoid looking him in the eye. "Since you insist on knowing the truth, fine, I'll tell you.  I was never in love with you, not truly.  Our relationship was an error that I made.  The one that I love, the one that I have always loved, is Akito.  I'm sorry if you can't handle it, and I hope we can still be friends, but this is how I really feel.  Now, I would like it very much if you would leave."

Aya left and three months later, Akito turned me out.  Having gotten what he wanted, Akito was done with me, so he bought me a house and sent me away.  Although I was happy for my freedom, it wasn't complete.  I had lost Aya and Akito as well.  

As much as I told myself that I hated the head of the family, that wasn't the whole story.  A part of me - a dark, depraved part - enjoyed having sex with Akito, so much so that I continued to whenever the occasion allowed.  It was a source of shame for me, I despised myself for it.  To make matters worse, I was also somewhat jealous of Yuki.  When I allowed Yuki to move into my home, I had an agenda.  I told myself I was doing it to save Yuki from Akito, to keep him from becoming Akito's next lover.  My real reason, however, wasn't nearly as chivalrous.  In reality, I was trying to save Akito from Yuki.  I wanted Akito for myself and I wanted to be Akito's only lover.  

Of course it didn't actually turn out that way.  Instead of taking me back, Akito turned his attentions to Kureno.  It became obvious to me then, I would never be the one for Akito.  At least I had succeeded in helping Yuki, and over time I came to understand how important that really was.  I grew to care deeply for Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru. We became our own little family, one that I wanted to protect.

*****

**I can**'**t pretend were the same  
I can**'**t pretend were the same  
I can**'**t pretend were the same  
  
And Now, I Find Myself  
Wish I was someone else  
My Hands are stained with love  
Wish I could Fake**

*****

A few months ago I noticed a change in Yuki's attitude towards Akito and it troubled me.  Yuki had always feared Akito, and Akito in turn pretended to despise Yuki. Shortly after Tohru moved out, Akito took to his bed.  That was when Akito began calling the house regularly to chat with Yuki.  At first, Yuki did exactly what anyone would expect him to, he simply avoided the phone.  That was, however, a mistake.  Akito called back, repeatedly, throughout the day until Yuki finally gave in and took the call. After about a month of these 'regular' phone calls, Akito started requesting that Yuki come for a visit.  One visit lead to another and before I knew it Yuki was visiting Akito, in his bedchamber, on a biweekly basis.  Since I, of course, had first hand knowledge about the types of things that went on in Akito's bedchamber, it was cause for alarm.  What was even more alarming, however, was that Yuki didn't really seem to mind. In fact, the two of them seemed to be getting along.

"Yuki, Akito hasn't tried anything… disrespectful with you, has he?"  I asked Yuki one evening before he left for the main house.

"What do you mean, Shigure?"  Yuki had asked with a curious edge to his voice.  

"Nothing, really.  I was just wondering what it is that the two of you do during your visits."  I replied nonchalantly, but I couldn't help but notice the way that Yuki's cheeks quickly grew scarlet and the way he avoided looking me in the eye.  

'Enough of this beating around the bush,' I needed to know.  "Yuki!  Akito hasn't tried anything with you, has he?  He hasn't forced himself on you sexually?"

"WHAT?"  Yuki sputtered, and looked at me as if I had totally lost my mind.  "Of course not!  I read to him, Akito makes me read books.  Really, Shigure, that mind of yours is always in the gutter, isn't it?  Akito's a pervert, but he's not exactly a rapist."

"No, no, of course not."  I said, and tried to wave the subject away.  

"Well, actually, Shigure...  Akito does have some pretty sick tastes.  What the hell is it with him and vampires anyway?  I must admit that I really do hate his reading choices, but besides that, things between us lately aren't so bad."  Yuki explained and then added, "Perhaps it's because he's so ill, but he's actually behaving rather pleasant towards me."

"Pleasant?"  I wondered, the worry once again floating to the front if my mind.  A pleasant Akito was a dangerous Akito.  You didn't have to be a pervert to know that. 

"Well, it's not like he doesn't lose his temper, and I still hate spending any time with him at all, to be honest."  Yuki admitted, and I nodded my understanding.

"Just be careful, Yuki."  I warned and decided to leave it at that, although my fears were far from being laid to rest.  

As I packed my suitcase I understood that my assumptions about Akito's true motives had been correct. Akito wasn't dying, not in the near future anyway.  There was no way in hell that someone who was actually on his deathbed could make love to me the way Akito had last night.  No, it wasn't possible. 

For as long as I could remember, Akito had been obsessed with Yuki.  Yuki was the one person who had always managed to elude the head of the family, the one he could never entirely possess.  So in order to get close to Yuki, Akito had been faking sick.  I should have recognized it earlier, although it wouldn't have mattered anyway.  Akito intended on having Yuki, and Akito always got his way.  

As much as I wanted to stop Akito, I was no longer in a position to be able to.  I could not interfere, not unless I wanted to end up like Kazuma.  The only person capable of saving Yuki from Akito, was Yuki.  In other words, he was doomed.

*****

**I gave my life away  
There's nothing left to say  
I gave my life away  
You take it in your way  
I gave my life away  
There's nothing left to say  
I gave my life away  
You take it in your way**

*****

End of chapter, another on it's way soon.  

Please review and let me know what you think, and thanks for reading.

YTR


	13. Sex Type Thing

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "**Walking Zero**", "**Sex Type Thing**", or "**With You**" they are property of **Sneaker Pimps**, **Stone Temple Pilots**, and **Linkin Park** (respectively).

Hello: Finally, my next chapter… thought I would never get this thing finished. 

Before I do anything else I need to recognize a few very wonderful people. Starting with my editor and dear friend, **Smiling Onigiri**, who not only helped to talk me out of giving up on this story when I was feeling a little down a few weeks ago, but also because she put up with me worrying this chapter to death, did a brilliant job editing in a very short amount of time, found songs for me, and also handled the song placement in this chapter. **Smiling Onigiri**, I love you!!!!! 

Next, I have to dedicate this chapter to my friend **awintersrose**, who not only does my editing on "Nectar", but also put me up to including in this chapter a yaoi lemon which I personally think this story was just begging for. It was all in the way of bribery. She wrote me a one shot, and I wrote her this chapter. I got a lovely Yuki/Kakeru lemon called "STRANGE ATTRACTION", out of the deal. (Very happy about this, if you are a fan of yaoi it is very worth your time, but only available at mediaminer.org). She gets this chapter and big hugs!

A few other people that I have to thank and/or make comments to:

(and please forgive me for not being able to thank all my readers personally, every chapter, but I am always time challenged trying to get the next chapter posted, however I hope you know that I adore each and every one of you!)

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Sandy, Darkdreams69, Ocasa-no-yumi, Shiemi, Kativa-chan, Joan Mistress of magic, bleedformeee, **WannabeHobbit, Kage Tsuki: **for always reading and being so nice.

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RaeLuvs: For making me laugh with your review "Hmmph. Akito is a perv. I hate him. But I love this story!! Please update soon!" Yes, he is a perv, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I put him up to it.

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Kate: who wrote "Why is everyone obsessed with Akito?! For a sadistic bedridden guy he sure is popular!" and my answer is "Because Akito is a HOTTIE! And because the Sohma's don't get out much."

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I'll never tell: for telling all your friends to read my stuff

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Orangellama, mentalimage, Lady Indigo Star, kash, Daniel of Lorien, Riversong, kirei-mutsumi: Thank you for the kind and very supportive words at a time when I really needed to hear them.

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amigoeva, **rosagigantean: **Who wondered what happened to their Yukiru. It's still here, Yuki gets a POV in chapter 14, which is the next one up, but this story is also an Akito/Kureno pairing and has been since about chapter 5 or so. Please forgive me my love of yaoi. I simply cannot help myself, and now that I know that Akito and Kureno really do sleep in the same bed, and I have proof, it's all down hill from here. JK

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ANYONE ELSE THAT I MIGHT HAVE MISSED! THANKS FOR READING, REVIEWING AND PUTTING UP WITH MY INSANITY!

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Now for the warning: This chapter has yaoi, and it includes a yaoi lemon, I have edited the FanFiction.net version to cut out any overly perverted stuff but still want to give it a** manga OT type rating. **(I like these rating better then ff.net's movie type ratings, we should see if they will change, hee hee),the NC-17 version is on mediaminer.org and is longer, and in my humble opinion better, but it is not for those who dislike yaoi, or are not old enough to read it. **Regardless, if you are innocent of heart, or not a fan of yaoi you might want to skip this chapter, and wait for chapter 14**. Also, if you have trouble locating either story on either site feel free to pop me an e-mail and I will be happy to send you the link. (as long as you are old enough to be reading it) 

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I LOVE YOU

Chapter Thirteen: Sex Type Thing

"Kureno, isn't Yuki awake yet?" I asked impatiently, clicking off the television set and sitting up in bed. "He can't really be that sick? It's been two days since he got here. That Hatori, he's probably just trying to keep Yuki for himself. Go get him, Kureno. Tell Hatori that I want him to bring Yuki to me right now."

"Yuki has pneumonia, Akito. Hatori isn't trying to keep him from you." Kureno told me, sitting the book he was reading down on the bedside table. "He's simply looking out for Yuki, and also for you. Hatori's your doctor. He's concerned about your health." Kureno added, as if educating a foolish child. And then, instead of seeing to my needs, the damn bird pulled me down on top of him. He actually proceeded to wrap his arms around my waist and attempted to kiss me. 'Of all the nerve! This is unacceptable, what in the hell has gotten into him?' 

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!" I roared in distain while slapping him hard before rolling away and kicking him out of my bed. "WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO KISS ME? LEAVE NOW, YOU DISGUSTING FREAK! YOU SICKEN ME!" 

"Forgive me, Akito. I wasn't thinking." Kureno repented as he bent down to retrieve the robe which I had torn from his body and tossed aside just hours before. "I didn't mean to be so forward. I just...."

"I don't want to hear it, Kureno. I do not like this presumptuous behavior of yours. It displeases me and you are not to do it again." I advised him sharply before averteing my eyes from his abhorrent state of undress. "I'd like you to go tell Hatori to bring Yuki to see me immediately. I am sick of all this waiting around. If I get sick, then Hatori can damn well do his job and cure me." 

"Yes, Akito, if that is what you wish." Kureno agreed dejectedly and I balled my hands in my lap to keep myself from lashing out at him. I hated it when he acted like that, like a jealous little girl. How dare he behave like I belonged to him when we both knew it was the other way around? 'How fucking dare he!'

"Stop that, Kureno. You have no reason to act so unhappy. I gave you what you wanted this afternoon, didn't I? Even though it made me sick to my stomach to have you touching me, I allowed you to do so." I informed him coldly and turned my eyes to his face so I wouldn't miss his reaction. As expected, the pain was there. Yes, as intended, I had hurt him... but there was something else, something that concerned me. It was just a tiny flash, Kureno was excellent at controlling his emotions, and if I hadn't been looking for it I might have missed it. Kureno was angry with me! 

'Perhaps,' I thought to myself as Kureno bowed obediently to me before turning to leave, 'it might be time to consider sending Kureno away. Shigure's house is vacant at the moment...' the thought brought me great pleasure. 'I might move Kureno there for a bit, that would keep him from being a distraction.' Now that my plan was ultimately coming to fruition, I certainly couldn't allow for complications.

"Yes, Kureno must go." I decided, and my heart filled with joy at the prospect of having Yuki as Kureno's replacement. After such an annoyingly long wait, things would be as they were always meant to be. My lover was returning to my side.

It had not been easy, but now that Tohru Honda was out of the picture, Yuki would indeed be mine. The necessary groundwork had already been laid, a process that had taken many months of hard work and self-control but was definitely worth the effort. At long last Yuki was learning to trust me, and I suspected, learning to love me as well. 

Even if Yuki had not been fated to be my lover, he would have been the one I chose for myself. We were so alike. It was only natural that we fall in love. Yuki and I, we were both intelligent, charming, and I recently discovered, perverted. I had to admit that it pleased me greatly to learn that Yuki and I shared a similar fascination with erotic novels. 

At first when I asked Yuki to read to me it was only part of the game. It was my way of teaching Tohru Honda a lesson. I never expected getting the girl a part time job at a certain 'specialized' bookstore would be such a brilliant decision on my part. Using the little slut as my personal hentai book broker and then coercing the virginal Yuki into my bedchamber to read the filthy novels turned out to be a tremendously amusing, and vastly enjoyable, form of entertainment.

It turned out that Tohru Honda had a knack for finding the most intriguing novels. Although I will admit that, at first, I was not so confident. The initial shipment of books all shared the same theme, vampires, and I was extremely disturbed by this obvious show of disrespect. I was, however, pleasantly surprised when I witnessed Yuki's reaction to these stories. It was completely precious, the way his pretty cheeks would burn the most adorable shade of pale peach and his innocent voice would fall to a sexy little whisper whenever he came upon a particularly nasty word. It was simply too perfect. From that moment on, I insisted that Tohru only purchase books touching on this subject matter. Yuki obviously enjoyed them, and since they appeared to make him especially aroused, I figured it was only a matter of time before Yuki succumbed to me and became my lover.

It truly was a perfect plan, although it was a shame that I hadn't thought of it sooner. It was also unfortunate that I had found it necessary to put my book broker out of commission. I really hadn't wanted things to go that way, at least not so quickly. It simply couldn't be helped, the little tramp was asking for it, and I do admit it brings me great joy to cause that girl pain. In the end, it served her right. She should have known better then to steal what was mine. After all, I did warn her, she simply chose not to listen. I certainly couldn't be blamed for that. Tohru Honda had gotten exactly what she deserved.

****

Sacrifice my vanity, kick off my heels

A careless weight on your hatred,

Understand it's so simple, a simple please

To keep the faithful on a wounded knee

"He's still that... that thing?" I complained distastefully, wrinkling my nose as Hatori entered my room carrying the tiny rat. I didn't like Yuki's zodiac form. Unlike Kureno, who transformed into a lovely little sparrow, Yuki was a repulsive, furry rodent.

"He's very ill." Hatori said disapprovingly. "You know that we transform whenever our bodies experience a traumatic illness. Perhaps I should take Yuki back to his room for now. When he's better...." Hatori's babbling was cut off by a loud puff of violet and gray smoke. When it cleared I was thrilled to see Hatori no longer holding an ugly, filthily rat, but instead carrying my beautiful, and completely naked, silver-haired lover.

"That's alright, Hatori." I smiled happily. "You can put Yuki down beside me." I pulled back the covers so Hatori could place Yuki in my bed and then looked past Hatori to Kureno. 

"Kureno, can you bring me some water and a wash cloth at once? I would like to give Yuki a sponge bath." 

Kureno nodded, refusing to look me in the eye, before he left the room to do my bidding. I didn't care, the idea of cleansing Yuki delighted me and I was grinning like a child when I looked up into Hatori's stern gaze.

"What is it, Hatori? Do you have something that you want to say to me?" I wondered, still smiling ecstatically but at the same time allowing the tone of my voice to convey my annoyance. The thing that I hated about Hatori, the reason I had never bothered to take him as a lover, was his pompous, judgmental attitude.

"I do, Akito, there are some things that I would like to discuss with you." Hatori informed me, and I sighed.

"And do these things need to be discussed right now, right this moment, Hatori? Are you sure that right now, when I am actually having a very rare moment of fun, is really the time you would like to discuss these things with me?" I glared accusingly into his one good eye, daring him to attempt to ruin my enjoyment, daring him to piss me off. Hatori was in love with Tohru Honda, he simply worshiped the silly little bitch. The stupid doctor had always been a sucker when it came to women. It was his greatest weakness, and it had cost him dearly. When Hatori went against me and fell in love with Kana, he lost my confidence. When he went against me a second time and fell in love with Tohru Honda, he lost my respect. Hatori's opinion of me meant nothing. His position as the family doctor, however, made him invaluable, and as such I was forced to continually humor him. 

"I suppose that it can keep for a bit." Hatori backed down. "Will you be requiring anything further of me, Akito?

"No, Hatori, you may leave." I told him, and turned my eyes back where they desired to be. Yuki's naked flesh looked so very inviting and I wanted us to be alone. I was dying to touch him, to caress every inch of his enticing creamy skin, but first he needed a bath. I wanted to be certain that every trace of that evil girl was gone. 'Tonight,' I decided with a grin, 'Yuki will be baptized by his god'. 

****

To the madness I do confess

I never see myself as blessed

Confused, unaddressed,

Like a savior I do caress,

The truth is boredom more or less

Unused, obsessed

My time is only given to you,

Too much to choose

Kureno was silently brooding when he returned with a bucket of warm water, a wash cloth, and a bar of scented soap. His silence bothered me, I decided, although I wasn't certain why. As he placed the bath supplies down on the bedside table I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips.

"Are you all right?" I asked him, the words coming without thought. I didn't know why, but for some reason I felt guilty. That was ridiculous, I told myself angrily. I was doing nothing wrong. 

"I'm fine." Kureno lied, and gently pulled his hand from mine. "May I go now?" 

Damn it! Why the hell was Kureno being so annoying?

"Yes, unless you would like to watch me bathe Yuki?" I said and smiled at him wickedly. "You can, you know. I'll allow it, if it pleases you." I laughed then because Kureno blushed very prettily. It was the first time in years that I was able to warrant such a reaction and I have to admit that it completely turned me on. 

"No, thank you." Kureno mumbled and to my complete disappointment, turned to leave. 

"Well, come back if you change your mind." I teased and frowned when he didn't reply. He simply nodded and slid the door closed on his way out.

****

Compromise in full extreme, 

Name a price on what's sacred

Guaranteed I've got something,

A royal disease, take a flood to clean these streets

To the madness I do confess, forever see myself as blessed

Immune, obsessed, like a savior I do caress

The truth is boredom, it's excess

Take more, give less, 

My time is only given up to you

Too much to choose

Pulling myself from my bed, I walked across the room to light a candle and flip off the bedroom light, then hurried back to sit beside Yuki on my bed. Reaching over to the bedside table, I picked up the thick cotton cloth, dipped it into the bucket of tepid water, applied just a bit of the mango scented soap, and set about my work.

Yuki's skin was remarkably soft. As I ran the washcloth tenderly along his beautifully flushed face, graceful neck, and strong shoulders I allowed my free hand to play lovingly along his smooth chest and adorably tiny nipples. Rinsing the washcloth in the water, I continued downward, meticulously cleansing and unabashedly cherishing my exquisitely lovely possession. 

As I leisurely worked my way down the front of Yuki's body my stomach was churning with desire. I had wanted this, the freedom to explore and admire and touch, so desperately and for far, far too long. My heart was singing blissfully as my clever mind considered the numerous and ingenious ways I would bring this perfect body both wanton pleasure and delicious pain. 

Although I couldn't "completely" be considered a virgin, there was one thing in particular that I had saved especially for Yuki, one little part of me that I would allow neither Shigure nor Kureno to touch. Shigure had often begged to be allowed to do it, and even though I was very curious, I had never allowed it. It was something that I felt I could only give my one true lover. It was something that belonged exclusively to Yuki. 

Sitting the washcloth upon the table, I bent my head so I could brush my lips against Yuki's wonderfully toned stomach before gently flipping him over to continue his bath. Retrieving the cloth, I was about to resume when I noticed the tiny network of scars that ran along Yuki's pale skin. 'Did I do this to him? Scar his pretty skin so horribly?' I had, of course. I had done it very recently, in fact.

"It was your own fault, Yuki." I whispered as I ran the cloth along his back. "I never wanted to hurt you, if only you hadn't attempted to disobey."

Last year I had discovered that Yuki was planning to select his own college. "He feels it is his own choice to make," his mother had informed me.

Yuki choosing his own college, perhaps one far out of my reach, was unacceptable. I placed a call to Shigure and insisted he bring Yuki over immediately. 

It was during that visit when Yuki's back was scarred. Yuki's high school experience, coupled with whatever insanity the witch Tohru Honda was feeding him, had clearly made him rather pretentious. 

"This is my education, Akito. I should be allowed to make some decisions for myself." Yuki had dared to enlighten me. 

"You are a Sohma, Yuki, and as a Sohma you shall do as I tell you. I alone decide which college you attend." I calmly insisted.

"I hate being a Sohma!" Yuki whispered bitterly. Although a part of me actually sympathized, I myself often wished I had not been born a Sohma, I knew that such thinking could not be tolerated. I would not allow a family member to go against my wishes. Yuki would attend the college that I had chosen for him. Yuki would remain within my grasp.

Although the whole matter had been very disturbing to me, I hadn't actually intended to hurt Yuki so badly. I certainly had not wanted to mar his flawless skin, but as was often the case, my temper got the best of me. Later, after Hatori had attended to Yuki's wounds and Shigure had driven him home, I had been surprised to find myself in tears. I have often scolded the Sohma men about the inappropriateness of such emotions, that I myself should suddenly be overtaken by such an obvious sign of weakness was thoroughly unsettling. 

"It's her fault!" I decided, crawling into Kureno's arms while blaming the one person I had begun to see as the source of all agony.

"It is Tohru Honda's fault that Yuki dislikes being around me so much, Kureno!" I cried and hid my face in his chest. "That girl is making Yuki hate me."

"I am sure he doesn't hate you, Akito." Kureno consoled me, lifting my face in his hand so he could wipe away my tears and kiss my cheek.

"He completely hates me. Why else would he avoid me as he does?" 

"Perhaps he simply needs to get to know you better, to see the person you keep hidden inside. To see you as I see you." Kureno had suggested.

"What do you mean?" I had asked, but didn't need or want to hear more. I already knew what Kureno was trying, very delicately, to say. If I wanted Yuki to love me, then I needed to play nice. I hated it, but I was certain he was right.

"Thank you, Kureno." I whispered to myself and set the washcloth aside. I was finished with Yuki's bath now. My lover's body was pure again, his sins washed away by the hands of his god. Smiling, I traced my index finger across one of the scars on Yuki's back before leaning over and softly following my finger's path with the tip of my tongue. Yuki moaned in his sleep and rolled over. Grinning, I laid down beside him and moved in, claiming his lips as my own. 

"Tohru," Yuki whispered and pressed his lips against mine. He kissed me back passionately before mumbling into my mouth, "I love you."

I leapt from the bed, wiping his kiss away with the back of my hand. How dare he mistake me for that... that tramp!

My hand pulled back, preparing to strike. 

"Tohru, come back to bed." Yuki muttered and reached for the space in the bed that I had just vacated. Breathing hard, I held myself back. 

"Tohru, please, I don't want to be alone." Yuki cried out and tossed his beautiful body across my bed. My hand dropped to my side and I stared at him. It was obvious he was delirious from sickness, and that his heart was broken, but that was really no excuse. There was no excuse for cheating on me, for that he deserved to die.

Behind me, the bird that Kureno had given me fluttered loudly in its cage and softly sang out. 'Kureno,' I thought to myself and just thinking of him calmed me down, made me feel a bit better.

"Tohru!" Yuki called out again.

But not enough!

Yes, I wanted to kill Yuki and at the same time just looking at him, lying naked and vulnerable in my bed, was turning me on. It was driving me out of my mind! I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand him! And yet I wanted him, wanted him so badly I could taste him. I had to get out of there, to escape this one whom I both desperately loved and entirely hated, before I did something that I would most certainly regret. 

****

I am, I am, I am

I said I wanna get next to you

I said I'm gonna get close to you

You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too

I ain't, I ain't, I ain't

A buyin' into your apathy

I'm gonna learn you my philosophy

You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity

I didn't bother to knock before sliding open the door and entering Kureno's bedroom. This was my house, everyone in it belonged to me, there was no reason for such formalities. The room was dark, the shades tightly drawn, but my eyes adjusted quickly and I saw that his bed was empty.

I did not bother to close the door in my wake as I turned to exit the room. There was only one other place that Kureno would possibly be at this time of night. 

As I headed up the hallway towards the outdoor bath I was already picturing Kureno naked. I walked quickly, my need for him growing with every step until I was nearly sprinting. When I finally made my way to the garden doors and flung them apart I was completely out of breath and filled with an excruciating yearning. 

****

I know you want what's on my mind

I know you like what's on my mind

I know it eats you up inside

I know, you know, you know, you know

I stepped out onto the dew covered grass, not failing to notice how the moon over the main house was so very full and how the evening air tasted fresh and crisp. I loved my garden, built in the center of my house and off limits to all servants, with the exception of Kureno, who cared for it exclusively. It was one of the few things in my life that still managed to bring me peace. Situated at its core was an elaborate traditional bath, complete with an outdoor shower and a comfortable open air bungalow housing a thickly cushioned futon, a small bedside table, and a cozy Japanese style dinette. 

I slowed my step because I knew he was near, the sound of the outdoor shower gave him away. Kureno was phenomenally gifted with the ability to sense my presence and I had decided that I wasn't ready for him to know I was there. I wanted him too much and if he saw me, he would know. Kureno was already too presumptuous. No, I could not allow him to see me like this. I first needed a moment to calm myself, it was important that I regain my control. 

I silently skulked closer until I had him in my view. I stood in the shadows, watching as he showered. His body was covered with lather and he looked so very beautiful as he leaned his head backwards, rising the shampoo from his thick mane of short auburn hair. I would never admit it to anyone, but Kureno was truly very handsome. Not in the way Yuki was, of course, but beautiful just the same. It is because of this that I have never wanted the other family members to look upon him. 

I could not see his face because he was looking in the other direction, but even without seeing his eyes I knew that he was crying. I also knew the cause.

Something was stirring deep inside of me, but I pushed it away before it could surface. 

"Kureno." I said very quietly and moved from the shadows to make my presence known. Turning slowly, he looked my way but then lowered his head, refusing to look me in the eye. Kureno knew me better than anyone, knew how much I hated weakness, he would never allow me to see the tears in his eyes. I crept forward until I was directly in his line of sight before untying my robe and, knowing full well that he was watching, easing it slowly off my shoulders. Releasing it from my fingers, I let it to drop to the grass. I gazed into his eyes and smiled invitingly before strolling naked across the garden to be by his side.

The water from the shower was warm and felt delightful in contrast to the cool evening air. Without a word Kureno moved aside, allowing me full access to the shower, handed me a bar of soap, and walked away. He was still angry with me.

"Kureno, do not leave." I demanded. "I am not feeling very well. I would like you to stay and help me with my bath."

"I'd prefer not to tonight." He said, and I could not believe what I was hearing. Kureno had never once turned my attentions away. Well, there was the first time. He had tried to turn me down just that once, but never, ever since. Kureno was my most loyal servant, and such things did not happen. 

I stood in shocked silence, watching him as he picked up a towel and started to dry himself. I was certain he would regret his decision and return to me, but when he wrapped the towel around his waist, in preparation to leave instead, I blew up.

"KURENO! YOU'LL RETURN TO MY SIDE THIS INSTANCE! HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME?" Stomping my feet, I heaved the bar of soap at him. It smacked him on the shoulder and bounced off to land in the bath. I dug my nails into my hands and glared at him. Would he continue? Did he really want to take it that far? Damn it, didn't he understand that I was in 'that' mood? 

Kureno stood for a moment, his eyes still avoiding my gaze, and then he turned his back and headed for the door. 

'No fucking way!' I thought as I flew across the garden and planted myself in front of him. "Kureno! What in the hell is wrong with you?" My hand flew towards his face meaning to slap him, but he caught it in his warm strong grasp, before it could connect.

"KURENO!" I yelled at him, enraged by his insubordination. How dare he treat me this way? Pulling my hand away from his I grabbed his chin and forced his head up. I wanted him to look at me, and so he did. He stood in front of me, submissively, with tears pouring down his face, and I couldn't stand it. Seeing Kureno like this, broken with the jealousy that I myself created, wounded me. It made me feel weak, and I hated being weak.

"Why the hell do I love you so much?" He asked softly, and my mouth dropped open because Kureno never spoke of such things as love. Then he pulled me into his arms. 

"Damn you, let me go!" I commanded and struggled to free myself. Ignoring me, he heaved my body easily up and over his shoulder, then carried me like a sack of squirming potatoes over to the bath and dropped me in.

"You bastard! What in the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked after spitting out a mouthful of water.

"You said you required help with your bath. I'm helping." He said calmly before climbing in next to me and seating himself. 

"You call that helping?" I growled and kicked water in his face. When this got no response I sat down beside him and punched him in the shoulder. "Perhaps you're forgetting why I keep you here, Kureno. One reason! You're here to please me, and that's it. That is all, beyond that you have no place in this world."

"Then maybe I am no longer needed in your world, Akito. It isn't like anything I do makes you happy, anyway. You should have stayed in your room with your lover." Kureno complained and stood up, once again preparing to walk out on me.

"Maybe I should have, Kureno." I agreed cruelly, but my actions belied my words as I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. Even though he was pissing me off, I had no intention of letting him get away. At the moment, for some unknown reason, I was devastatingly attracted to him. 

'What is wrong with me?' I wondered as Kureno stared down into my eyes and I moved my hands up to brush away the tears that were once again drenching his pretty face. It really made no sense to me, none at all. For as long as I could remember, Kureno had been my servant. He existed only to serve my needs, whatever those needs might be. Beyond that, Kureno was nothing to me, absolutely nothing. So why was I suddenly distressed by the thought of his leaving my side?

"So it really is only Yuki that you care about?" He whispered. "Even after he...." 

"Yes, Kureno." I said quickly, not allowing him to finish the sentence because I knew what he was going to say. If he said it, such a terrible, disgusting thing, then I would be left with no other choice but to punish him. That was not the way that I wanted things to go tonight. "It really is only Yuki that I care about." I didn't need all this jealousy and immaturity, I simply needed release. "Although, I must admit at the moment I very much regret having sent Shigure out of town."

"Do you?" Kureno asked, his eyes suddenly burning with hate.

"Of course." I grinned up at him and a moment later the side of my face exploded with pain. Kureno had slapped me. Hard. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed at him in surprise. I took a step forward with every intention of slapping Kureno right back, but instead I was pulled into his arms and forced into what was, without question, the most pleasurable experience of my entire life. 

****

I am a man, a man

I'll give you something that you won't forget

I know you want what's on my mind

I know you like what's on my mind

I know it eats you up inside

I know, you know, you know, you know

Here I come, I come, I come

Here I come, I come, I come

As Kureno's lips latched onto mine, my first, almost overwhelming instinct was to pull away. As one might imagine, I was furious with him. For Kureno to act in such a manner was disgraceful and could not be permitted. It needed to be stopped.

  
  
"Kureno, quit this," I insisted as hungry fingers moved possessively over my naked flesh. Instead of abiding by my wishes he intensified the kiss, pushing his delicious tongue between my open lips while two strong hands slid down to lift me up into his arms. 

"Kure..." I mumbled against tearstained lips before wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. His tongue swirled playfully inside my mouth as he carried me out of the bath and across the lawn to the bungalow.

Instead of laying me down carefully as he had always done in the past I was tossed, rather painfully, on to the futon. I looked up at him in surprise. "Damn it, Kureno..." I started to protest as he dropped down on top of me and pushed the hair out of my face in order to look me in the eyes. 

"Be quiet, Akito. I'm really sick of hearing it." He said harshly and ran one finger tenderly along the side of my face.

I opened my mouth, though to be honest I really had no words. For only the second time in my life, I was speechless. It didn't matter really, because Kureno apparently had no intention of allowing me to speak ever again. I murmured helplessly as his luscious mouth pressed demandingly against my lips and loving hands traced delicate silhouettes along my neck and shoulders. I shivered as I felt myself melting into him, grasping silky handfuls of wet auburn hair between my fingers and kissing back as passionately as I was being kissed. 

I was not used to having someone on top of me. Being slight of frame, I had always suspected that such a position would be uncomfortable, smothering in fact, so I had never allowed it. Now, however, I was finding the whole experience entirely stimulating. I sighed softly as Kureno tore his lips away from mine, allowing me a moment to catch my breath while his lips pressed tiny kisses along my chin and up my cheek before returning to my mouth. His hand at the same time moved downwards, stroking slowly along my waist as his tongue once again dipped between my teeth. 

(Edited, full version on media miner.org)

"So that is what it feels like," I whispered, enthralled by an overpowering feeling of unity as his gentle kisses washed along my face, "to be possessed." 

"I love you, Akito," he whispered back.

****

I woke up in a dream today

To the cold of the static

And put my cold feet on the floor

Forgot all about yesterday

Remembering I'm pretending to be 

Where I'm not anymore

A little taste of hypocrisy

And I'm left in the wake of the mistake

As dawn broke over the garden I awoke to find him studying me, staring down at me in a manner so foreign, so plainly affectionate, that I was immediately afraid. 

"Kureno," I whispered, my mouth unbearably dry, my heart aching against my breast. "Would you mind getting me some water?"

"I'd do anything for you." He admitted, putting my hand to his mouth and kissing it before pulling himself up and out of the futon. 

I watched him, unable to tear my eyes away, as he moved across the lawn to pull a towel from the cabinet near the shower and wrap it around his waist, then went into the house. 'He's so sexy,' I thought to myself and buried my face in a pillow. This couldn't be happening. Last night didn't happen. It seemed impossible that I could have so wantonly given myself to Kureno. 

"I cheated on Yuki," I realized, and giggled. "This makes us even."

Yes, I decided. That was all it was, I didn't really want Kureno. This was all Yuki's fault, because he slept with that girl, that stupid, awful girl.

My legs felt like unset jell-o as I eased my oil encrusted body to the edge of the bed and sat up. Certain parts of my body throbbed excruciatingly, and I wondered ridiculously if I would ever be able to walk again.

"What the hell did you do to me, Kureno?" I said bitterly, but couldn't help but smile as memories of the night before teased across my brain. 

"Why haven't I done that before?" I asked myself, and was immediately answered by a vision of silver and violet. "Yuki, yes, I was saving myself for Yuki, and now Kureno...."

The door to the garden opened and Kureno hurried towards me, an ice filled glass of water held in one hand. 

"You raped me!" I screamed at him, and he stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide and the glass of water slipping between his fingers.

"I what?" He said, oblivious to the fact that my desperately needed glass water had just shattered on the ground in front of him.

"I was saving myself for Yuki. You knew this, and you forced yourself on me." I told Kureno, pulling myself from the bed and moving towards him.

"I cannot believe you!" He said coldly. "You really are out of your fucking mind, aren't you? For the past five years you have been screwing me six ways from Sunday on a regular basis, but the one time that we actually make love, that I confess my love to you, you call it rape!" 

"What do you mean?" I questioned, sidestepping the puddle of broken glass and shoving him backwards across the garden. "Of course it was rape. You don't think I actually enjoyed that, do you?" 

"You didn't? You certainly acted like you were enjoying yourself!" He said, and I noticed that even though he looked ready to kill me, tears were forming in his eyes.

"I didn't. In fact, the only reason I even allowed it to happen was to teach Yuki a lesson. He cheated on me, and now we're even."

"You... you..." Kureno stuttered speechlessly, his mouth dropping open and his hands fisting tightly at his sides. 

"You don't really think it meant anything to me, do you? I was doing you a favor." I continued, all the while noticing the terrible, agonizing feeling that was covering me inside. I was lying to him, I understood this, and yet I couldn't stop. If the truth came out, if anyone ever knew, it would ruin... everything, all that I had been working for with Yuki for so very long, all that I was finally so close to achieving.

"I have decided you should move out, Kureno. Shigure's house is vacant now, and its location is much closer to that place. You know that you'll need to visit there weekly, to keep an eye on how things are progressing. It will be easier that way. It's what the job requires."

"You're kicking me out?" He asked, his eyes filling with shock and pain. From the moment that we met, Kureno had rarely left my side. With very few exceptions, he had never been allowed to roam free, and now I was sending him away.

"Yes." I told him, turning my back on him and walking away. It was hurting me, actually causing me physical pain. Kureno had tears coursing along his gorgeous cheeks and I couldn't stand seeing him that way. "I also think that it will be good for you. You've never had much time on your own. Yes, I think it is the best thing. I would like you to go today, immediately in fact."

"As you wish," he whispered, and I nodded before retrieving my robe from the ground and heading towards the shower. I didn't turn back, because if I did he would see that I was crying as well. A moment later, when the garden door slid open then slammed closed, I dropped to my knees and broke down.

****

It's true the way I feel

Was promised by your face

The sound of your voice

Painted on my memories

Even if you're not with me

I'm with you

You now I see keeping everything inside (with you)

You now I see even when I close my eyes (with you)

I hit you and you hit me back

We fall to the floor

The rest of the day stands still

Fine line between this and that

When things go wrong 

I pretend that the past isn't real

I'm trapped in this memory

And I'm left in the wake of the mistake

  
  
End of chapter, see you all in Chapter 14, wonder how Yuki's going to feel when he finally wakes up. ; ) 

YTR


	14. Lost

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to **"Lost"** they are property of **The Calling.**

As always my deepest thanks to my friend and editor,** Smiling Onigiri**, for both doing a great editing job, and for spending hours and hours helping to search for perfect songs. Which are really difficult to find. I really would be lost without you.

And thanks to all of you, my kind readers, for sticking with me all the way to chapter 14. It really gives me the incentive I need to continue writing, you are so nice, and it means the world to me.

Oh, and for all you who enjoy yaoi, I simply must recommend a great story for you to check out. The writer's penname is **Kyo's Evil Twin**, gotta love that, and the story is called, **"A Fine Line". Kativa-chan **and **awintersrose** this one I think you will both particularly enjoy. So check it out if you have time. Oh, but it's rated R, so stay away if you are not old enough.

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Fourteen: Lost

Well I'm alone and feeling lost  
If I could only have it all  
Then I'd be all right  
Cause I can't see who I really am  
Through all the doubt that I'm living in  
I don't know again, right before I hit the ground

I was cold, so bitterly cold, and lost, wandering inside a black maze. I didn't understand it, why was I here? All I could see and feel was the darkness, the unbearable loneliness, and the cold.

"I don't belong here." I whispered to no one in particular. "I don't like it here and I'd like to go home now." 

"You are my light, Yuki. How could I not love you?" Her remembered words flooded my consciousness. Miss Honda... no, she was just Tohru now... was she here? Was she lost within this darkness as well? If she was, I needed to find her. She wasn't like me, used to the pitch black darkness, to this horrible loneliness. I needed to save her. I needed to be her light.

"Tohru," I wanted to call to her, but my lips were so dry and simply refused to move. I need to call to her, to find her, I needed to....

Invisible hands and soft lips were touching me, bringing me warmth. 'It feels so nice,' I decided. Like the time in the shower, like this morning in bed. That was it, I was in bed. I was laying in bed at the beach house, but why was it so agonizingly dark and why was I freezing?

Delicate fingers stroked along my back. Tohru's fingers? The fingers were tracing my scars and then a mouth... yes! Turning, I found her next to me. I couldn't see her, it was still so very dark, but I could feel her warm arms around me. She was holding me, yet I wasn't transforming. Perhaps our love had broken the curse because 'yes,' she was holding me... and then her lips were upon mine. I could taste her soft lips kissing me, kissing me so passionately.

"Tohru," I whispered, so happy to find her there beside me. I was so happy to be safe, to be cared for. "I love you."

Then she was gone and my arms were empty once again.

"Tohru, come back to bed." I begged, searching the darkness. Why had she left? Where had she gone?

"Tohru, please, I don't want to be alone." I called out desperately, thrashing through the darkness, trying to find my way back home, my way back to her.

"Tohru!"

Yeah and feeling like I do  
Why am I losing you  
And I'm feeling lost

A bird was singing somewhere nearby. It was such a pretty sound, yet for some reason it terrified me. I opened my eyes slowly and although the room was lit only by a faint flicker of candlelight, I knew immediately where I was. I was in the one place I shouldn't be.

'What in the hell am I doing in Akito's bed?'

I sat up quickly, causing the room to spiral and my empty stomach to lurch, then immediately laid back down. My entire body ached, I was naked, and the room felt seriously cold. What had happened to my clothes? Reaching behind me, I grasped a handful of covers and pulled them tightly over me. That was a little better, but what I really needed to do was get up. I certainly couldn't remain here, naked in Akito's bed, that wouldn't be a very good idea. Where was Akito, anyway?

I sat up again, slower this time, and stared around the room. Yes, these were most certainly Akito's chambers, but how had I gotten here? I was with Tohru and....

My heart twisted, filling my chest with unbearable pain. I remembered now. Tohru had left me at the beach house, and then Shigure had come for me and brought me here. Yes, that was exactly what had happened, but it still didn't explain why I was in Akito's bed or why I was undressed.

"He's coming." I realized and looked to the door as it slid open to reveal a freshly bathed Akito.   
  
"Yuki? You're already awake?" He asked as he entered the room and slid the door closed. "I'm surprised. I hadn't expected you to be up so soon." He added, pushing a mash of wet hair out of his face before moving, slowly, almost painfully, across the room to his wardrobe.

"Akito? You're out of bed?" I asked in astonishment. "How can you... I mean I thought...." This made no sense to me, what was Akito doing out of bed? It was obvious that it pained him to be moving around, but from what I'd been told Akito was too weak to be walking at all. Wasn't Akito dying?

"Yes, Yuki." He said, looking away from me towards the heavily curtained window, to where his pet bird was perched. Was that even the same bird? He turned his head to me, smiling as if he had just recalled something that had almost been forgotten. "Isn't it miraculous? I started feeling much better this week. Like a new man, actually."

"That's good news, Akito." I told him, then remembered my present state, the fact that I was laying naked in his bed. "Um... but whatever am I doing here?"

"You're very sick, Yuki." Akito informed me, pulling open his closet doors and removing a fresh robe. "You have pneumonia, and Shigure brought you to see Hatori. You've been sleeping for a couple days."

"But here! In your... Akito, what in the world am I doing in your bed?"

"Oh..." Akito said and giggled before untying the robe he was wearing and letting it drop to the floor. "I've been helping Hatori care for you. I was very worried about you, don't you see?"

"You gave me your bed? You slept elsewhere? That's why you're up?" I questioned, turning my eyes away to give him privacy while he dressed and putting the puzzle pieces together inside my hazy mind.

"Uh... basically... yes! That's it," Akito agreed. "I was concerned about your comfort so I allowed you to have my bed. I know how much you dislike your own room, after all."

I shivered just thinking about that room. Akito was certainly right about that. I was actually very grateful that I hadn't woken up there instead.

"That was very thoughtful of you, Akito." I told him honestly. As was always the case with Akito, I never really knew what to expect. His moments of kindness were still few and far between, but these tiny glimpses of decency gave me hope. Perhaps it really was possible for a person, even someone as warped as Akito, to change.

"So how are you feeling?" Akito questioned as he walked over and sat at the foot of the bed.

"I suppose I've felt better," I admitted. "Is it possible that I might have something to drink? I'm very thirsty."

"I understand. I'm thirsty myself actually." Akito told me, a big smile forming on his face. Glancing up at him, I shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around me. As was often the case with Akito, his smile didn't actually make its way to his eyes. Eyes that were strangely red rimmed and swollen, I noticed. Had Akito been crying?

I put that thought out of my head. It was impossible, Akito Sohma didn't cry. Reaching over and picking up the telephone receiver, Akito punched one of the many buttons that were set to speed dial various places throughout the main house.

"Would you like anything else, Yuki? Some soup, perhaps? You should probably try to eat something...."

I nodded even though I didn't really feel hungry. As Akito leaned backwards to lie at the foot of the bed, I quickly pulled my legs up to my chest and out of his way. A moment later he frowned and hung up the phone.

"He couldn't have left already." He mumbled, more to himself then to me, before hitting another button and waiting. The familiar look of annoyance slowly surfaced along his face, causing me to feel very nervous. I knew that look, for it was the one he got right before he blew up. I held my breath, worrying, but a moment later his eyes lit up and he smiled.

"Oh, there you are Kureno. I thought you might have already gone." Akito said smoothly into the phone then listened for a moment, his smile fading again. "Packing, I see. Well, Yuki's awake and I'd like you to bring him some breakfast before you leave. Some fresh squeezed juice and miso soup would be good, and we both require some tea."

I was considering asking whether Kureno could bring me something to wear when Akito's eyes darkly clouded over.

"No, Kureno, I don't want someone else to bring it. I would like you to bring it!" Akito said loudly, causing me to bite my lip in my hurry to back away. "Kureno, you have already pissed me off enough for one day. Just do what I tell you." Akito slammed down the phone and I eased myself deeper beneath the covers, wishing I could simply disappear.

"That... that guy!" Akito grumbled before turning to see me cowering beneath the covers and giving me a giant smile. "Excuse me, Yuki. Kureno is apparently too busy for us. I will see to your breakfast myself." Then he stood up and hurried out of the room, leaving me open mouthed and befuddled.

There's a dark cloud over me  
If I can't shake it off I can't  
Make a move to save myself  
Thoughts keep spinning through my head  
All the times that we never did  
What we wanted to

yeah  
right before I hit the ground- it's just like a dream

While waiting uncomfortably for Akito's return, my thoughts drifted back to Tohru. Picking up Akito's phone, I hurriedly dialed my voice mail. I smiled when I was informed that I had six messages. Unfortunately, five of them turned out to be from Haru, who had hoped to meet up over the weekend. The sixth was Kakeru Manabe, calling because he hadn't seen me in school all week. Tohru hadn't called.

Pushing back the lump of pain in my heart, I dialed her number. As I pretty much expected, the phone rang three times before her answering machine picked up. 'Should I leave another message?' I wondered as I listened to her recorded voice telling me once again that she was not available. 'No,' I decided and hung up the phone. I had already left her around one hundred messages. She obviously didn't want to talk to me. A couple minutes later, I was about to change my mind and call again when the door slammed open and a very irritated Kureno carried in a tray full of food, followed by Akito who, to my relief, appeared to be in a much better disposition.

"Put it right here, on the bedside table." Akito instructed and hurried over to pick up the bucket and a pile of wet cloths that was presently occupying said table. Kureno placed the tray upon the table and took the bucket and cloths that Akito held out to him.

"If that is all, I will be on my way." Kureno informed us.

"Yes, but I would like us to speak for a moment before you leave." Akito told him and reached his hand to Kureno's cheek, only to have it swatted away. My eyes went wide. 'Kureno standing up to Akito? Has that ever happened before?'

"Fine then. Hurry up and go!" Akito reacted. I frowned, and then gawked, as Kureno leaned down, wrapped Akito in his arms, and kissed him very briefly, very directly, on the mouth. Then Kureno stood tall again, flashed me an extremely threatening look, and headed for the door.

"That guy... what is he thinking?" Akito complained as the door slammed shut, and although he was acting angry, he certainly didn't look very upset. On the contrary, his face had grown lightly flushed and his eyes were practically glowing. "Well, never mind. Now that I have you living back at the main house, I don't really need him anyway, do I?"

"What?" I said and literally flew out of the bed, forgetting in my panic both my illness and my nudity. This was bad. This was very bad.

"That's right, you don't know yet. It's been decided, you're going to live at the main house again. Isn't that wonderful?"

"No, Akito." I said crossly. I was aware of the ever constant need to watch what I said around Akito, but at the same time I was so upset that I couldn't actually do so. "It isn't wonderful. Who decided this?"

"Well, I did, of course." Akito calmly informed me. "Shigure has agreed to do some book tour that his manager has been begging him to do for years, so he'll be gone for three months. It's been decided that Kureno should take care of Shigure's house until he gets back, and you shall take Kureno's place as my helper."

I stared at Akito, temporarily too shocked to speak. Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed the way Akito's eyes seemed to be roaming along my skin, but the rest of my brain was concerned with looking at the bigger picture. Akito wanted me to move back to the main house and take Kureno's place as his 'helper'? This was insanity. Was this my punishment for going to the beach house without permission?

'I need to tell him!' I screamed inside my head. 'I need to speak up. If I don't stand up for myself now, I'll be stuck here at the main house forever. Things will go back to the way they were.'

"What's wrong, Yuki? I thought you'd be thrilled." Akito pouted, then reached out an icy cold hand and placed it on my hip. That did it, having Akito touch me in such an intimate place was just the incentive that I needed. I took two steps back in order to free myself from his clutches before taking a deep breath and telling him how I felt.

"I don't want to live here, Akito. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Kyo and I can care for Shigure's house, and Kureno can continue to work for you."

"Yuki, have you forgotten who you are?" Akito asked quietly. Getting up from the bed he walked towards me. "You are a Sohma, and as a Sohma I expect you to honor my wishes." Reaching behind me, he ran his finger over my back. "I did this, didn't I?"

"Yes." I whispered, and was relieved when his hand dropped away and he stepped back.

"I'm really sorry about that, about hurting you like that." He told me, and I stared at him in amazement. I had expected him to blow up, to knock me across the room or throw something at me. I certainly didn't expect an apology. Akito Sohma didn't apologize. Something wasn't right here. Akito didn't cry, but he obviously had, and he didn't apologize, but he just did.

"Akito..." I whispered and cringed when he took my hand in his and pulled me back towards the bed.

"You still have a fever, Yuki. You need your rest. Get back in bed and we can talk about all this later, when you're feeling better. Here, lay down."

Once I was back under the covers, Akito sat down beside me. Reaching to the table he lifted the bowl of soup and held it to my lips. I took a small sip and smiled as the warm broth coated my empty stomach.

"Is it hot enough?" Akito questioned, and I nodded.

"It's fine Akito, but I do think that I am perfectly capable of feeding myself."

"Yes, of course." He agreed, allowing me to take the bowl from his hands. Turning his attention to the pot of tea, he sat about pouring us each a cup.

"Your little girlfriend, she deserted you, didn't she," he said quietly.

"Tohru?" I sputtered through a mouthful of soup. "How did you hear?...."

"Really Yuki, did you think I wouldn't find out about it? Shigure told me. That dog, you do understand that he really can't be trusted?" Taking the bowl of soup from my shaky hands, Akito smiled. "So Tohru Honda left you. She had sex with you, and then she abandoned you. Left you all alone at the beach house like some pitiful one night stand. Unforgivable."

"She didn't." I denied, even though Akito was speaking the exact truth.

"Of course she did, Yuki. She deserted you, just as your mother deserted you." Akito said quietly, and then took a sip of his tea. "It was heartless of her, leaving you in such a fragile state. Why, if I hadn't sent Shigure to check on you, who knows what would have happened? It is exactly as I have always tried to tell you, Yuki. Women are not to be trusted." Then he grinned happily, picked up a glass of juice, and offered it to me.

"No, Akito. You're wrong. Tohru... she isn't... she would never..." but even to my own ears the words sounded insincere. Inside my chest, my heart fluttered painfully and I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears which were already flowing down my cheeks.

"Oh... you poor thing." Akito practically purred, and I felt his finger tips brushing the wetness from my face. "I understand how bad you must feel. You see, I can sympathize with you. You must be very heart broken. You loved her very much."

"Not loved!" My eyes flew open and I knocked his hand away. "I love her. I still love her. And you, what are you talking about? What do you know about love anyway, Akito? You, of all people."

"You think me incapable of love, Yuki? Is that what you think about me?" Akito whispered and handed me a napkin. "I'm wounded. It just so happens that we are in very similar situations, you and me. In the same boat, if you will."

"What do you mean?" I asked, using the napkin to dab away my tears while trying unsuccessfully to quit crying.

"Well, Yuki, the truth is..." Akito said, his voice falling below a whisper as if someone else, Kureno's bird perhaps, might be listening. "It's very difficult to talk about, to say out loud... but like you, I have lost my lover."

"Your lover?" I wondered curiously, hoping that he wasn't actually talking about me. I knew, after all, the things that the family has said about us. What they have always claimed the rat was born to be.

"Yes, Yuki. My lover! Is that so hard for you to believe? That I could have a lover? Well, yes, I admit it, I have taken a lover. Well, to be honest, I was a virgin until last night. You see, I had wanted to save myself for someone special, but...."

"A VIRGIN? YOU?" I blurted out skeptically. Akito, one of the most perverted people that I knew, had been a virgin until last night?

"Well, yes, but perhaps we shouldn't talk about such intimate things." Akito decided, and put down his cup of tea.

"And just who, exactly, is this lover?" I questioned, having decided that I wanted to hear more of this.

"Kureno, Yuki... Kureno is my lover." Akito said with a smirk, and to my surprise blushed bright red.

"Of course, the kiss." I realized the obvious and felt stupid for asking in the first place. It certainly wasn't surprising that Kureno was Akito's lover. Nor was I surprised to learn that Akito was gay. I suppose I had always known, since Akito had been hitting on me for years.

"Yes, that was so tacky of him, such a public display of affection. I apologize for that. It must have been very uncomfortable for you."

"No, not really." I admitted. "So, then, Kureno is your lover. But, I don't understand. You said that you lost your lover, but Kureno just kissed you goodbye. Was it your decision that he move to Shigure's? And Kureno, when he left, he seemed like... I don't know, like he didn't really want to leave," I contemplated.

"Do you really think so?" Akito asked. "And yes, it was technically my idea that Kureno move out." Akito admitted and turned his face away, but not before I caught the hint of moisture in the corner of his eyes. "You see, Yuki, this morning we had a fight, and I just felt it would be best if we had some... um... space."

"Some space? That sounds like a reasonable idea, but whatever did you fight about?" I asked curiously and reached for my cup of tea. It normally wasn't my nature to pry into other people's business, but all of this was a side of Akito that I had never imagined existed. Additionally, Kureno moving to Shigure's had pretty much stranded me at the main house, so I sort of felt that I had a right to know more.

"You," Akito said sadly and leaned back in the bed.

"What?" I sputtered. "Me?" Akito and Kureno had fought because of me?

"Yes, Yuki. It's so silly, I know, but Kureno is very jealous of you. He was very upset that I had you brought to my room."

"Well, you can't really blame him for that." I blurted out without really thinking and was rewarded by one of Akito's classic glares.

"And, last night, in a moment of jealous passion, Kureno took advantage of me... sexually." Akito continued and looked away in shame.

"WHAT?" I said out of surprise, unsure that I had heard him right. "Are you telling me that Kureno forced you... that he raped you?"

"Well, maybe not exactly rape." Akito whispered and brushed away a single tear from his cheek. This was obviously very difficult for him to talk about. "But I did ask him to stop."

"You asked him to stop, but he didn't stop? Akito, yes, that's rape. Kureno raped you." I said and was surprised to find myself feeling sorry for Akito. That was Tohru's doing, I was certain. She was, after all, the person who had taught me to be compassionate. Tohru believed in giving love and comfort to those in need, unconditionally. "It is inexcusable, Akito. Rape is the lowest of all crimes."

"Don't blame Kureno, Yuki." Akito said quietly and leaned closer to me. "He didn't do it to hurt me. He did it out of love. I think that sometimes people in love do stupid things."

"But rape.... You think that being in love is an exc..." I was stopped in mid-sentence when Akito placed his hand over my mouth.

"Yes Yuki, even rape. Now, do you mind if change the subject?" Akito asked and laid his head upon my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Akito. You're right. It must be very difficult for you to speak of." I decided, and put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

"I'm very tired now, Yuki. I didn't sleep well last night. I think I would like to take a nap, and you should rest some more, too."

"Yes, of course." I agreed. "I'll go to my room."

"No, no. Don't be silly, Yuki. You can stay here with me. If you don't mind, that is. The truth is that I don't really want to be alone." Akito said sorrowfully and cuddled closer into my arms.

"Um...." I debated, not wholly at ease with the situation but at the same time finding something strangely soothing about prospect of having someone - anyone - in my arms. Like Akito, I was desperately nursing a broken heart. Since it was obvious that I was no longer the object of Akito's affections, I didn't see anything wrong with attempting to be his friend. At the moment Akito needed someone to comfort him, to help him deal with his pain, and I suppose that I needed someone as well.... 'What possible harm could come from it?' I reasoned as I closed my eyes and pulled him nearer still.

The Distance grows I'm sinking down  
What I've lost and can't be found  
Although I've tried, can't find my way  
Nothing's falling into place  
I'm feeling lost...

Yeah and feeling like I do  
Why am I losing you  
And I'm feeling lost

Poor sweet little Yuki-kun … Falling right into Akito's evil trap … So very sad … See you in Chapter 15.

YTR


	15. Reminded

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Reminded" they are property of Drowning Pool  
  
As always, thank you to my wonderful editor **Smiling Onigiri**.  
  
To everyone else, I am so sorry. I know this update took forever. I sort of got hung up on my other story, because I was having too much fun writing it. It happens sometimes. I'll try to do better.  
  
Also, I realize that I made a mistake. The new school year in Japan actually starts in April, but I have Yuki, Kyo and Tohru starting college at the end of summer. So, forgive me, but I am going to keep it that way.  
  
And finally, if you're reading this on Mediaminer and the format looks like shit, it's not my fault. What is the problem with that site anyway? My chapters look great, then I post and they get all distorted. So sad.  
  
**I LOVE YOU  
  
Chapter Fifteen: Reminded**  
  
"People change, Kyo," is what Kagura had said to me. "They grow and they change, and sometimes they fall out of love."  
  
That was three months ago, on New Year's Eve.  
  
We were sitting on the snowy rooftop of the dojo that no longer belonged to my father and she was holding my hand while I fought back tears. I remember I kept telling myself that I couldn't cry for her, not for Kagura, not for this girl who would break up with me in the middle of the New Year's Eve celebration. What kind of person would do that?  
  
"So that's it?" I asked her as I stared at the laces on my shoes. "After all these years of wanting to be with me, wanting to marry me even, you're just over it now?"  
  
"Yes," she said in the smallest voice, and I needed to look up then because I didn't understand. If she didn't love me, if these last seven months had meant nothing to her, then why was she...?  
  
"What in the hell are you crying about?" I practically screamed at her, and considered ripping my tongue out when she looked me in the eyes and smiled. "You're breaking up with me, woman! You don't get to cry! Can't you do anything right?"  
  
"No, Kyo. I really guess that I can't." She said softly, and then she let go of my hand and stood up because 'he' was coming towards us. He was a year younger than me, three years younger than her, but he still looked like such a little kid. He was with Haru and Ritsu and they were all three carrying New Year's kites. He looked up when he saw us, looked at her, then me, and then smiled with that big, goofy grin of his.  
  
"There you are, Kagura," he said sweetly and I felt my anger rise. "We were looking for you because the banquet is about to start. You know how Akito will get if we show up late."  
  
'The banquet!' Had he mentioned it just to piss me off? Was he trying to start a fight? Did Momiji really want to get his ass kicked?  
  
"Stop it, Kyo." Kagura said, obviously reading my mind. Then she waved them away and called down, "I'll meet you there, okay Miji-kun? I'll just be another minute."  
  
"Miji-kun?" I couldn't help but repeat. "You make me sick. So are you sleeping with him already?"  
  
"No, Kyo, not yet," she said honestly. "I want to take things slow with him. I want to be sure this time."  
  
"Sure?" I wondered, and noticed that she was crying again.  
  
"Yes." She said in a voice so low that I could barely hear. "I want to be sure that I'm the only one this time, that there isn't someone else. This time I want someone who will love me back."  
  
"Ah," I realized, so that was what it was really about, wasn't it? It always came back to the same thing between us, the one person we couldn't put behind us. It always came back to Tohru Honda.  
  
"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" I asked in annoyance. "Tohru and I are not even friends anymore. I did everything you asked of me, all to prove that I wanted to be with you, but you still can't get over it, can you?"  
  
"That you're in love with someone else? It's something that I should get over? Hardly," Kagura said heatedly. "Kyo, the only reason that we're together is because you can't have Tohru, because she's in love with Yuki. If you thought you had even a snowball's chance in hell of changing that, you would have never have given me the time of day, right? Tell me I'm not right."  
  
I stared up at her, wanting to tell her exactly that, wanting to say it so she wouldn't leave me, so I wouldn't be alone again, but the problem was that I couldn't. I couldn't say it, because I refused to lie to her. Kagura deserved better than that. She deserved someone who truly loved her back.  
  
"I can't," I admitted under my breath, and then I broke down and allowed the tears to come.  
  
"I know." She said quietly, sitting down beside me and putting an arm across my shoulder. "Kyo, when you came to me last summer and told me that you had confessed your feelings to Tohru and she had turned you down, I was so happy. I knew that it was terrible for me to feel happy when you were so obviously in pain, but I couldn't help myself. I loved you, and I thought that eventually you would get over your feelings for Tohru and you might learn to love me back. I've been so foolish. Everything I've ever done has been for you. For so long, my entire life has been about you, but do you know what, Kyo?"  
  
"What?" I forced out, although I didn't really want to hear any more. If she was going, then I wanted her to go. I didn't want her sitting there feeling sorry for me like that. I'd rather she hated me, just as I was certain Tohru hated me, than have her pity me.  
  
"I don't want to do it anymore. It's exhausting, Kyo, and I'm tired. I want to find someone who can love me, not because I'm a convenient substitute for Tohru Honda, but because I'm me."  
  
"But why Momiji?" I asked. "It doesn't even make any sense."  
  
"Because, Kyo, he's nice to me. He makes me feel good about myself, and he's said that he's falling in love with me. I don't know Kyo, maybe it's a mistake, but I owe it to myself to find out for sure." Pulling her arm away she stood up. "Now I better go, Akito's going to kill me."  
  
Grabbing her by the ankle, I looked up at her.  
  
"Kagura, I didn't make you feel good about yourself?" I asked and felt like my heart was tearing out of my chest.  
  
"Dear Kyo." She said softly and bent down to kiss the top of my head. "In order to make someone feel good about them self, you need to first be able to love yourself, and Kyo, you don't. You don't love yourself, and you've never loved me."  
  
"But I'm with you, aren't I! I'm trying!" I pointed out loudly.  
  
"I know, Kyo. I understand how hard you've tried, but the point is that you shouldn't have to try," she told me. Then she stood tall and wiped the tears from her face with one hand. "Kyo, you are so incredible. You're so much better then you'll probably ever know, but you don't even want to see it. I thought that I could help you open your eyes. I wanted to help you see just how wonderful you really are, but I wasn't strong enough, or maybe I just wasn't enough. I hope that someday you will find someone stronger, another girl like Tohru Honda, perhaps."  
  
Staying silent because I had no words to offer her, I released her ankle and watched as she climbed down from the roof and moved off towards the banquet. I considered, for just one moment, running after her. 'Maybe if I lied to her, if I said all those things that she had been trying to get me to say for so long, maybe then....'  
  
In the end, I did nothing. I sat there on the roof until morning, and then I wandered into the mountains. For the next three weeks I trained, and when I was certain I was ready, I returned home and challenged Yuki to a battle. Within moments, and just as expected, I was knocked on my ass. I couldn't even get a single punch to connect. As always, I was hopeless. I was a loser.  
  
**Down too long like I was before  
And I've never thought I'd see the day  
Can't be wrong 'cause I know the score  
And I guess there is no other way**  
  
From that day forward I avoided everybody. That was when I decided to drop out of college.  
  
"Kyo, you need to stay in school. If Akito learns that you dropped out, he might go forward with his threat to lock you up." Shigure had warned me.  
  
He warned me, but I didn't listen.  
  
"I don't care!" I told him, and it was the truth. Ninety-nine percent of my life had basically sucked. There were only a few things that had ever mattered to me. One was Kazuma, my adopted father, another was Tohru Honda, and the last was beating Yuki. That was it. That was all I'd ever had.  
  
Now my father was gone. He left last summer, without even saying goodbye, and he still has not returned. I had been certain that he would return for New Years, but he didn't. "He's probably met someone again," I told myself angrily. When I was ten there had been a woman. She hadn't been around for long, however, and I was happy to see her go. "She can have him!" I finally decided. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. I was perfectly fine without him.  
  
I wasn't though, not really.

**Reminded of you **

**Reminded  
There it is all in black and white  
And it looks like that's the way it goes  
Doesn't matter if it's wrong or right  
****'Cause by now I'm sure that I know  
**  
I lost Tohru a couple of months later. I lost her to Yuki, of course.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kyo... but my feelings, my heart... I'm already in love with someone." With these words, Tohru had devastated me. "Actually, Kyo, I'm a little surprised to learn you feel this way, especially considering your relationship with Kagura. She loves you very much, you know. I could never think of coming between you two."  
  
"So it's Yuki?" I asked, choosing to ignore everything else and focus on my rival.  
  
"I didn't say that." She said to me, but by the way her face immediately turned ten shades of red, I knew that I was correct. "Yuki and I, we're not...."  
  
"Shut the hell up!" I yelled at her. "You don't need to lie to me about it. It's obvious that he's in love with you. I've known it all along. I just didn't think that you were dumb enough to feel the same way about him."  
  
"Kyo, I'm sorry." She said in a low voice and broke into tears.  
  
"You don't need to cry about it." I told her, which only made her cry harder. "Why do you always have to cry over everything?"  
  
"Kyo, I'm sorry." She repeated, and turned her back to me.  
  
Reaching out, I grabbed her by the shoulders, meaning to turn her around. I had something that I wanted tell her, but I needed to say it to her face.  
  
"No, let go of me!" She had cried out in pain with a panicked look on her face.  
  
"Tohru, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to grab you so hard," I apologized.  
  
"You didn't. It's only that I'm still a little sore from my fall." She explained.  
  
"Well, you should have gone to see Hatori like we told you!" I yelled at her.  
  
A week before, the ever-clumsy Tohru had fallen down a flight of stairs at work. Not only had she given herself a black eye as well as a bloody lip, she had also managed to bang up her arms and legs quite a bit. It had been suggested that she pay a visit to Hatori, because not only did she look like shit, she was acting even stranger then she normally did. We were all worried that she had a concussion. Every one of us, even Yuki, had asked her to go, but the little fool had refused.  
  
"I know, Kyo. I'm sorry, but I'm fine, really I am." She said, but her phony smile didn't convince me one bit. "I better go get dinner started."  
  
"Wait!" I told her and grabbed her hand before she could climb down from where we stood on the roof. "I have something that I want to say."  
  
"Okay." She said, and waited, the fake smile plastered on her face and making it impossible for me to get my thoughts straight.  
  
I was going to tell her that it was okay, that I was fine with her choosing Yuki over me, and that if things didn't work out, I'd be around. I was even going to suggest that I'd wait for her, just in case she came to her senses anytime soon.  
  
Unfortunately, Yuki chose that very moment to walk up the drive and seeing us on the roof, call up a 'hello'.  
  
This, of course, set me off in entirely the wrong direction.  
  
"You won't be happy. You do know that, don't you? Akito will never allow you to be together." I said bitterly, and when her eyes went wide and quickly refilled with tears, I found myself smiling coldly. "You'd be better off with me."  
  
"Perhaps, but I love him," she whispered through her tears and looked toward the top of the ladder where Yuki was just about to step onto the roof. The stupid rat had climbed up to see us, to see her. He was invading my territory and that pissed me off even more.  
  
"Oh, who needs you anyway?" I said cruelly to her, and a moment later found myself face down in the front lawn. With one kick, Yuki had sent me flying off the roof.  
  
**Never felt so undecided  
Everything I've ever had has been taken away  
Little boy so scared and frightened  
All of the things that have happened I'm surely to blame **

**Accept your fate then you'll be well but the truth is that it never ends**  
  
That was the night I decided to go and visit Kagura. It was also the first time Kagura and I slept together. The next morning when Kagura asked if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend for real, I said yes. A week later when she asked if I would stop being friends with Tohru, I said yes again. For the rest of the summer I avoided Tohru and Yuki. When summer ended and Tohru moved away to Tokyo, I told myself it was for the best.  
  
I told myself that I didn't love her anymore and that I never wanted to see her again. I pretended that I didn't miss her, but I really did. I missed her horribly.  
  
**You can say that you've been through hell  
But you'll always lose another friend  
Never felt so unimportant  
Everything I've ever said has been taken in vain  
**  
This weekend it happened, Akito made good on his threat to have me locked up. I was taken to a small one-bedroom house located deep in the woods. It has bars on its windows and doors, minimal furniture, and no communication with the outside world. Kureno will be visiting on a regular basis to bring food and supplies.  
  
But I am not alone anymore....  
  
She's sleeping now, peacefully beside me in our one and only bed. The first night I had gone to sleep on the floor, as was the gentlemanly thing to do. When she woke up screaming at two A.M., I turned on all the lights in the small house at her request, and then I crawled into bed with her and held her hand until she fell asleep.  
  
I shouldn't be happy....  
  
But I am.  
  
**Little girl so scared and frightened  
All of the things that I do are still subject to change**

**---------------------------  
**  
Chapter done. Another will be on the way soon. Let me know you still love me!  
  
YTR


	16. Leave Me Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Leave Me Alone" they are property of Natalie Imbruglia.  
  
As always, thank you to my editor, **Smiling Onigiri**.  
  
And thank every one of you for reading and reviewing.  
  
**I LOVE YOU  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Leave Me Alone**  
  
"GO AWAY!" I shouted and jumped up from the futon quickly, waving my arms and causing the roomful of birds to take flight and rush in fear towards the open windows.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered as an afterthought. "I know you're all trying to help, but I need to be alone." Feeling guilty, I laid back down and pressed my face against the pillow.  
  
It was so careless of me. In one single evening I had destroyed everything. What had I been thinking? Had I actually thought losing my temper like that, admitting to Akito that I loved him and pressuring him into sex, could change something between us? Did I really think I could sway his black heart? That I could melt it? That I could make the cruel bastard love me back?  
  
"DAMN IT, YOU'RE SO STUPID!" I screamed aloud and clenched the soft pillow between my fists.  
  
Why was I even surprised?  
  
My feelings have never mattered to Akito. The simple truth is that I am nothing in his eyes. I'm no better then a sex toy, something that he can use when necessary and then hide away.  
  
I don't even have the right to be angry with him, although I am... really angry.  
  
Akito isn't an honest person. He'll easily lie to suit his purpose, and what's worse is that he actually believes his own lies. There is one thing he has always been honest to me about, though: his heart is set on Yuki. It doesn't matter that Yuki doesn't deserve him, that he doesn't appreciate him. No, none of that matters. It is simply how things are, and it is how they have always been. It's just another of the sick Sohma traditions that have been mindlessly followed, mindlessly passed down, for generations. Who was I to try and break the rules? That would be as foolish as trying to break the curse, foolish and fruitless. Akito was my God, Yuki was his lover, and I would forever remain nothing more than God's personal slave.  
  
Feeling frustrated, I flipped onto my back, hid my face beneath the pillow, and tried to push Akito out of my mind. I needed sleep. I was desperate for it. I'd been living at Shigure's for a little over a week now and during that time I'd gotten very little rest.  
  
Even though Akito had rarely visited Shigure's small home, everything about it still managed to remind me of him, but the problem was the house itself as much as it was Akito. It was pitiful, or rather, I was pitiful.  
  
I couldn't go anywhere near Yuki's room for obvious reasons. Yuki was my enemy. He was sharing my lover's bed. Nor could I sleep in Shigure's room. Shigure was my rival. Shigure was, as Akito had reminded me on numerous occasions, Akito's first kiss. Kyo's room brought guilt. Tohru's room brought gut-wrenching guilt.  
  
Regardless of what Akito might think about me, I wasn't blind and I wasn't a total bastard. I understood the pain that I was helping Akito to inflict on that girl, I understood and I was starting to hate myself for it.  
  
I didn't like Tohru Honda. At least I hadn't thought that I did. Last summer the girl had paid a visit to Akito. I was sent away that day, sent off to allow 'God' his privacy. On top of that, my spy, that stupid bird, had allowed himself to get locked out. Although I had no idea what went on in Akito's bedroom that day, I had my suspicions. I felt certain that, like Shigure and myself, Tohru had succumbed to Akito's charms. The little tramp had given herself to him, why else would Akito have taken such a sudden interest in her education and well being?  
  
"I've decided to pay her rent and tuition," he had informed me that evening when I returned from town. "I would also like you to call Ryo Sohma. He still owns that 'special' bookstore, right? Such a nasty boy he is. Tell Ryo that I would like him to give her a job."  
  
Yes, I should hate that girl, just as I hated Yuki. So why was it that I didn't? Why was it that her tears made me feel so weak? Made me feel so guilty? Made me want to see her smile, maybe even be the cause of her smile? It was insane, just as I was insane.  
  
'It's true, Kureno. Living with Akito has driven you insane! What you've done to that girl is wrong! It makes you just as bad as him, just as crazy!' This thought whispered through my brain, causing me to shiver in the warmth of the room. I pushed it away and flipped back onto my stomach.  
  
Since I was unable to inhabit even a single room upstairs, I had set up camp in the living room. I had found this small, uncomfortable futon in the closet and made the living room my new bedroom. I understood that if I ever hoped to get past these feelings, if I wanted to move on and get over Akito - and at the moment I really wanted to do that - then I needed to forget. I needed to put Akito Sohma and my love for him out of my mind completely.  
  
"It's impossible!" I realized and threw the pillow across the room. How could I get over someone whose name, face, and touch were imprinted on my soul? Akito Sohma was my lover, my keeper, my family, my God. Everything that I knew about life, and also about the world outside of Sohma house, I've learned from Akito. I've been privately tutored in the curriculum that he chose for me, read only the books that he deemed appropriate, and was only allowed to watch television when it was something he wanted to watch. This meant, basically, that I knew only what could be learned from business textbooks, anime reruns, and erotica. In other words I was an imbecile, and to be honest I was also very intimidated.  
  
Pulling myself up off the floor, I glanced at the clock. 5:05 A.M. Too early! I had only a couple of things I needed to do this week, some family business, the usual stuff, and I needed to pay another visit to Akito's prisoners. Tohru made me a list of things they required and I'll need to do some serious shopping in order to fulfill her request.  
  
"You'll need to go to the supermarket." She had told me, smiling sweetly, not scornfully, as if I were her friend and not her abductor. "All this junk food, it's not good for Kyo. I'd like to be able to make him decent meals, if that is all right with Akito. Here, I can draw you a map, but it's very easy to find, very close to Shigure's house."  
  
The idea of this, of going to a supermarket, scared the hell out of me. Over the last week I've become quite accustomed to using the small convenience store in town. The people who own it are kind and very helpful. They're friends of Uo's and I had hoped to see here there, but Tohru had informed me that Uo'd gotten a scholarship and moved to Kyushu. That crazy girl was going to be a vulcanologist. I must admit I was a little disappointed to learn that she no longer lived in town. For the first time in my life I actually had time to spend with other people, but I didn't really know anyone. I had no friends, just Akito, and I was very lonely.  
  
As I moved into the kitchen to prepare some tea I was startled by my cell phone, which rang loudly. It was him! I knew it even before I grabbed the phone up and flipped it open to see his phone number flashing on the display. Of course it could only be him, calling so early in the morning. I entertained, only briefly and not very seriously, the idea of not answering. It was the type of thing Yuki would do and it seemed to work very well for him, but no, I could never do it. I was too well trained. Akito called – I answered, it was the natural order of things. I hit the tiny peach colored 'TALK' button and put the phone to my ear.  
  
"Good morning, Akito." I said, trying my best to sound composed when I was anything but.  
  
"Kureno," his voice through the phone felt soft against my ear and just hearing it set my heart to pounding and my stomach into a fitful swirl. I missed him, so much so that I could barely stand it. "There is something that we need from you. Against my best wishes, Yuki has decided he would like to return to school today." Gritting my teeth at the mention of Yuki's name, I remained silent.  
  
"He would like it very much if you could bring him something to wear." Akito continued, and then covered the phone for a moment while he spoke to Yuki. Fighting back tears, I waited. "He says to bring his black pants, his white high necked shirt, the one with the silver buttons, and some black shoes. Oh, and can you come right away? He needs to leave by seven thirty."  
  
"I'll be right over." I said, and before he could say more, I hung up the phone and dropped down on the floor. I wanted to cry, to lie down on the floor and bawl like a baby, to get everything out of my system, and then I wanted to sleep forever. Instead, I sat for a moment with my head against my knees, not crying, just hurting, and then I stood up, pulled myself together, and headed upstairs.  
  
Yuki's room was a pigsty. The boy might be pretty, but he certainly didn't know how to pick up after himself. Luckily, the requested outfit was lying, folded, right on top of the dresser, a pair of black pants and one incredibly feminine looking white shirt with silver buttons. Finding the shoes proved a bit harder. They were not under the pile of dirty clothes in his closet, nor were they downstairs near the front door. Returning to Yuki's bedroom, I was considering calling Akito to inquire on their possible whereabouts when I noticed the tip of a black shoe poking out from underneath his bed.  
  
"Little pig," I said bitterly and bent over to search underneath his bed for the shoe's missing mate. I located it immediately, though I had to push the bed to the side in order to retrieve it. "Stupid little pig, whatever does Akito see in you?"  
  
It was 6:45 when I entered Akito's front door and hurried down the hall to find his bedroom empty, with the exception of a maid who was busy cleaning up after the asshole and his little piglet.  
  
"Where is Akito?" I asked her harshly.  
  
"He's in the garden with Master Yuki," she informed me.  
  
"THE GARDEN?" I repeated, more for myself than for her benefit.  
  
"Yes," she confirmed. "They spent the night there last night, Master Akito was feeling a bit bothered by the heat."  
  
"He was, was he?" I said and turned to leave. 'They're in the garden? Our garden? Yuki and Akito had spent the night in our garden? Bastards!'  
  
I made my way down the hall to the garden doors in record time but then I stopped. 'Should I knock?' I asked myself, although I had never found it necessary to knock before entering the garden before. 'What if they're in the middle of...?" This thought was all the answer I needed. Without knocking, I slid the doors open and walked in on Yuki and Akito together in the bath.  
  
But they were not, I was thankful to see, actually together, they were only using the large bath at the same time. They sat a good distance a part, and although Yuki blushed when he looked up and saw me, Akito actually appeared to be pleased by my presence.  
  
"Kureno!" Akito said with a smile and stood up to step out of the bath. "See Yuki, I told you he would get here on time. He's so fast, just like I promised."  
  
"Yes. He was very quick." Yuki agreed, and I noticed that he didn't look at Akito as he spoke. In fact, he was looking the other way, avoiding Akito's blatant nudity. 'They're not lovers yet,' I realized in relief.  
  
Moving across the garden, I sat Yuki's bag of clothes on the table. Akito had quickly dried himself and pulled on a robe before heading my way.  
  
"Come Kureno," Akito said and grabbed me by the hand. "Let's give Yuki some privacy to get dressed." Then in a whisper only for my ears he added. "He's very shy. He doesn't like people looking at him when he's naked. It's ludicrous, really."  
  
I allowed Akito to lead me back inside and down the hall to the kitchen.  
  
"You'll have breakfast with us?" He asked me, and I nodded. The table was already set for three, so I understood that it was less of an invitation and more of a demand.  
  
Letting go of my hand, Akito grinned up at me and before he could take a seat at the table, I stopped him by placing one hand lightly on his shoulder.  
  
"I've missed you," I told him honestly.  
  
"Have you?" He asked and smiled up at me curiously. "I wonder why?"  
  
"Can you... can I hold you? Just for a moment," I asked and started to enclose his body in my arms.  
  
"No!" He said and stepped out of my grasp. "I don't want to, not right now. Yuki will be here any moment to have breakfast with us."  
  
"I don't care about Yuki!" I told him. "I've missed you. You're all that I've thought about for the past week. Damn it, Akito, you know that I'm in love with you. Can't you just forget about Yuki for five minutes and pretend to have some feelings, no matter how small they might be, for me?"  
  
"I told you, not right now!" Akito said and dropped down at the kitchen table. Then he looked up at me with that smartass little smirk of his. "Sit down, please, on this side of the table. Yuki can sit over there. You get to be right next to me, so be happy with that, okay."  
  
'He probably just wants me there to pour his tea.' I though dejectedly, but took the offered seat never the less.  
  
**I ask you to hold me, **

**But you don't want to hold me **

**It don't work like that **

**I want you to love me, **

**But you don't want to love me **

**I'm losing patience now**  
  
We waited for ten minutes, for Yuki to arrive and take his seat, before Akito allowed breakfast to be served. Breakfast consisted of Yuki's favorites, I noticed, and I also couldn't miss the fact that Yuki and Akito appeared to be getting along extremely well. This bothered me a lot, so much so that I couldn't eat a bite. Where was Yuki's usual air of general snootiness? Where was Akito's sarcastically biting wit? Was it really possible that Akito was winning over Yuki's cold heart? That Yuki had successfully, and perhaps happily, replaced me?  
  
'How would you feel, Yuki, if you knew the truth?' I wondered to myself. 'Would you be so pleasant to him if you knew what he has done?'  
  
"Excuse me," Yuki's voice broke into my thoughts, and I looked across the table to see that he was standing. "I am sorry to leave in the middle of breakfast, but I must be on my way."  
  
"That's fine, Yuki." Akito said gently, and reached out his long fingers to wrap them around Yuki's wrist. "And you're sure that you're feeling well enough to return to school? We wouldn't want you to have a relapse."  
  
"I'm fine, Akito." Yuki insisted, and I noticed just the tiniest amount of annoyance hidden behind the pretty smile that he graced Akito with. "I only have a couple of weeks before the term ends, so I really shouldn't miss any more school."  
  
"Yes, then, off you go, the driver should already be waiting for you outside." Akito told him and released his hand.  
  
"Uh... Kureno, thank you for going out of your way to bring my clothes, I'm sorry if it was a bother." Yuki said to me and gave me a slight bow. Before I could reply, he hurried from the room.  
  
"Well, then. I guess that leaves just us." Akito said with a warm smile and pushed his plate away.  
  
"I should be going as well." I decided, and stood up. I didn't really want to leave, but I also didn't really want to stay.  
  
"Nonsense, Kureno, I'd like it very much if you would spend the day with me." Akito told me, and then he stood up, wrapped his arms around my neck, and pulled me down into a kiss.  
  
"Akito," I mumbled against his lips, allowing a small kiss but keeping my lips pressed tightly closed.  
  
Sensing my reluctance, he pulled back. Removing his hands from my neck, he stared up into my eyes longingly.  
  
"I've missed this," Akito said. Taking my hand in his, he placed it inside his robe, directly on his fully formed arousal.  
  
'STOP IT!' I screamed inside my head and pulled my hand back. Then I pushed him away.  
  
"I can't." I told him, and to my annoyance felt wetness upon my cheeks. Once again my eyes had betrayed me, the dreadful tears had returned. Turning away from him I walked towards the door.  
  
"Don't be such a sad little girl, Kureno." Akito complained, and then his arms were wrapped around me from behind, pulling me tightly to him. "There is no reason for you to be so blue. I said that I missed you. I want to be with you. Don't you want to be with me?"  
  
"No!" I said to him and turning quickly, I shoved him away, hard. He landed on the ground, right on his selfish little butt, and stared up at me in surprise. "You did not say that you missed _me_! You said that you missed _this_!" I held my hand out to him and then I bent over and slapped him hard across the face. "It's not the same thing."  
  
As I headed for the door he cried out to me. "Kureno, are you really leaving?"  
  
The sound of tears in his voice caused me to hesitate, to turn back, because I needed to know that I wasn't imagining it.  
  
"Please, don't go." He begged me, reaching out his arms towards me and allowing the tears to flow freely down his face.  
  
"I'm sorry, Akito." I whispered and closed my eyes, because seeing him that way, like a desperate child begging for my love, was killing me. It effected me exactly, I was certain, as he had intended. "I have to get out of here and I'd really like it if you wouldn't call me for a while."  
  
"NO!" He shouted. "I'll call you whenever I damn well please. You're mine, Kureno, don't you dare forget that! You belong to me, only to me!"  
  
"Akito, please," I said and slid open the kitchen door. "You have Yuki. You've gotten everything you've always wanted. Now I just need you to leave me the hell alone for a while."  
  
Slamming the door shut behind me, I headed for my car.  
  
**You like me to stroke you **

**Careful I don't choke you, **

**Did you read my mind? **

**You say don't be blue **

**Is that the best you can do? **

**I've lost my patience now  
  
Oh leave me alone **

**Stop asking for more **

**I'm going home on my own **

**Oh leave me alone **

**I'm walking out of the door **

**I'll make it on my own **

**Leave me alone**  
  
I was still crying when I pulled into the drive at Shigure's to see a bright yellow Volkswagen Beatle already parked in front of the house. Pulling in behind it, I shut off my car and stepped out to stare at the girl who was sitting on the front porch.  
  
"Kureno?" She said in surprise, and then she stood up with a giant, excited smile.  
  
"Oh, my god! Kureno! It really is you!" And she ran towards me. I never even had a chance of stopping her....  
  
"I've really missed you!" Uo exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around me....  
  
POOF!  
  
**Leave me alone... **

**Just leave me alone.**

------------------------------  
End of chapter.... And yes, yes, I know what some of you are thinking... what about Yuki and Tohru???? I'm getting to that, damn it, be patient.... Next chapter is Yuki's POV.  
  
YTR


	17. Everything I Own

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "**Everything I Own**" they are property of Jude.  
  
A/N: Hello everyone!  
  
First, I want to dedicate this chapter, as well as the next still to be written chapter, to my wonderful editor and friend, **The Smiling Onigiri**. A few weeks ago we were discussing my story in an e-mail and she made the most fascinating suggestion that I simply could not pass up, so I took it and ran away. So in return she gets this chapter, the next chapter, and my deepest thanks!  
  
I also need to send AN EXTRA BIG THANK YOU to: **Inubunny, jynnantonnix, macbaby1, Tif, Kativa-chan, Dark-Dreams- 69, WannabeHobbit, Raeluvs, I'll Never Tell, Orangellama, Aishiteru until my dieing day, Kyo's Evil Twin, Lady Indigo Star, Shiemi Shimabukuro, Joan Mistress of Magic **(You guys get me! You understand that it's about the story, and not about the pairings, and you have told me so in your reviews and your e-mails!!!! THANK YOU!!!)  
  
And since that isn't everyone, **I want to send a little shout of love to all of the rest of you who have been so supportive to me**. I have been worried about a few things, which I will cover off on in a minute, and it has been your kind reviews that have kept this story going. **SO THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS! I wish I could mention everyone personally, but if I did there would be no room for the chapter, but you all need to know that you are special to me!  
**  
Lastly, I need to touch on a subject that has been a source of sadness to me for the past four or five chapters – the whole Yukiru question. I want to start by saying that yes, this story is a Yukiru, if you have any doubt about that you simply need to go back and read the first half of the story. At the same time, I should say I am very sorry to some of you. When I started this story it was going to be a pure Yukiru, but somewhere early on I got bored with that and decided to make it an Akito & Kureno love story as well. This has garnered me a bit of negativity from some of my readers, and I fear also caused me to lose a reader or two. While that makes me sad, as I am sorry that I am disappointing some of you, it isn't going to change the fact that **this story is both a Yuki/Tohru and an Akito/Kureno love story**. In the first half of the story – approximately 8 to 10 chapters – I examined the Yuki/Tohru relationship, and I have not forgotten about them, but I also need to examine the Akito/Kureno aspect of this story as well as Yuki's relationship with Akito, which I feel needs to be further examined. I am sorry if that distresses anyone, but the bottom line is that I want people to read my story for my story and not for my pairings.  
  
That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I welcome your comments.  
  
**I LOVE YOU  
  
Chapter Seventeen: Everything I Own**  
  
"SHE WHAT!?" Kakeru screamed loudly and quickly jumped up from the cafeteria table, knocking over both of our cups of coffee in the process and garnering curious looks from numerous students.  
  
"Shhhh... must you be so loud?" I asked in irritation. Standing up to keep from being soaked in coffee, I quickly grabbed some napkins from the cart directly behind me and tossed them over the wet mess on the table.  
  
"Sorry," Kakeru apologized, and atoned by pushing me aside and taking over the coffee clean up.  
  
"Should I get us some more coffee?" I asked, even though I really didn't want anymore myself. We still had a full hour before our last class of the day started – Kakeru was in nearly all of my classes, since he had tailored his school schedule around my own – and I was tired, still recovering from my recent illness, so Kakeru had suggested a cup of coffee might help. But it hadn't.  
  
"No, no," Kakeru said. He tossed the wet mass of towels into a nearby trashcan, and then motioned for me to follow him outside. I noticed he hadn't actually cleaned up the entire coffee spill, but I said nothing because the truth was that I really didn't care.  
  
For the entire day all I had thought about was Tohru. The pain, which was much worse now that I was out of Akito's company, was devastating me.  
  
At first I had avoiding talking to Kakeru about it. When he asked how things had gone at the beach house, I had changed the subject. Instead I talked about my illness, which had caused my absence in school, and asked if he had bothered to take notes for me. Kakeru had, and was very proud of himself for doing so. Looking over the notes, I realized that I couldn't actually read them, since Kakeru's handwriting was basically illegible. I pretended, however, to be very pleased, which in turn pleased Kakeru, just as I knew it would.  
  
I survived most of the day by cowering inside Kakeru's naturally cheerful personality. Although I suspected that he knew the truth, that I was hovering on the brink of a complete and total breakdown, Kakeru allowed me my privacy. I had been hopeful that I would make it through the entire school day and back to the main house where I could fall apart within the safety of Akito's unexpectedly comforting arms... but then I walked into art class.  
  
In the past, the smell of paint has always brought about a deep-seated fear in me, due to a rather ugly childhood incident with Akito. The only reason I had taken an art class was because Kakeru had pressured me into it. Kakeru alone knew about my abnormal fear of paint and he had made it his mission to cure me. He felt that taking a painting class would allow me, in his exact words, 'to make friends with the paint'. Kakeru's theory had proven correct. I quickly learned to not only enjoy the smell of paint, but also the act of painting. I found it was very calming, and although I never felt I was much of an artist, I thoroughly enjoyed art class. Until today.  
  
I cried!  
  
Today, in front of my entire class, I cried. I walked in with Kakeru, took one breath full of paint, and immediately broke down. The scent reminded me of Tohru and it hurt like hell. It ruined me.  
  
So I ran.  
  
Kakeru came after me, following me to the men's room where I had hidden myself within a rather smelly stall. When he asked me what was the matter I lied and told him I was just feeling rather tired. Kakeru immediately took control of the situation, suggesting a cup of coffee as a sure remedy, which led to my whispered confession that Tohru had dumped me and a messy table.  
  
"So tell me again, what exactly happened between you two?" Kakeru asked once we were out of the crowded cafeteria and walking through the busy school quad. Spying a relatively empty spot on the grass underneath a beautifully blooming cherry tree, I headed that way.  
  
"Tohru dumped me. Or something like that, I guess." I admitted quietly, and having reached my desired destination, I dropped down to sit on the grass.  
  
"What do you mean by 'dumped'?" Kakeru asked and I shrugged, not really certain how to go about explaining it. "Well, Yun Yun, not to be cruel or anything, but usually for someone to have actually dumped another person... well, the statement generally implies that there was something to dump... like the two people were having a romantic relationship and...."  
  
"Stop!" I said in annoyance. "I know what 'dumped' means Kakeru, and that's what she did. I confessed my love to Tohru, we slept together, and the next morning she was gone. Tohru dumped me." I stopped then, because Kakeru was staring at me with his mouth hanging open, then he apparently caught a hold of himself, because he closed his mouth and thought deeply for a moment.  
  
"Yun Yun, by sleeping together, do you actually mean..." and at this point my fool of a friend felt the need to use his hands to clarify everything for me, which I found both insulting and rather repulsive.  
  
"Yes! Yes, Kakeru, that is exactly what I mean, you idiot!" I said and smacked at his hands to stop him before anyone might see. "Tohru and I had sex."  
  
"I see. My little Yun Yun finally got laid, I'm so proud!" Kakeru said with an impish grin and then sobered, continuing on without giving me time to respond to his lunacy. "So, basically, you had sex with Tohru and she dumped you, is that what you're saying?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered and stared awkwardly at an ant walking along a blade of grass as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Anything to avoid looking at Kakeru, for I simply couldn't face him.  
  
"Okay," Kakeru said, and we sat silent for a bit before he continued. "Ah... Yuki... is it at all possible that... well, that you weren't very good? That maybe you sucked in bed?"  
  
"WHAT!?" I exclaimed and jumped to my feet to stare down at him in anger.  
  
"Now, Yun Yun, don't get mad." Kakeru said with a smile and waved his hand in a calming gesture, which only served to make me madder.  
  
"Get up!" I insisted with every intention of beating the hell out of him.  
  
"Come on, Yuki." Kakeru said, and actually scooted away from me a little fearfully. "I'm not trying to insult you, I just thought that...." And now he was grinning again. "Well, Yun Yun, you are pretty clueless when it comes to women. I just thought you might not know what you were doing, that maybe you needed some pointers."  
  
"I KNOW WHAT TO DO, KAKERU! I'VE READ BOOKS! I DIDN'T SUCK IN BED! I WAS GOOD!" I insisted loudly and then realized that people were watching, and of course hearing, so I lowered my voice. "What was I even thinking, trying to talk to you about something like this? You're such an idiot."  
  
Then I hurried away, but of course Kakeru came after me.  
  
"I'm sorry, Yun Yun! I really was just trying to help," Kakeru apologized once he had caught up with me in the school parking lot. "Where are you going? What about English class?"  
  
"I'm not going!" I said, "That class doesn't matter any longer."  
  
"What do you mean it doesn't matter, Yuki? Of course it matters. I thought you wanted to have perfect English so you could make your dream of running away to London come true." Kakeru reminded me.  
  
"That wasn't my dream, Kakeru." I told him bitterly.  
  
"Yes it was, Yuki." Kakeru insisted. "You said that you wanted to...."  
  
"No, Kakeru, my dream was to learn English and run off to London _with Tohru_. I'm not going by myself..." I told him, clenching my hands at my sides because I still felt like hitting him. I knew that Kakeru was only trying to be supportive, but it was really just pissing me off. I wanted to hit him because he was making me feel, because he was forcing me to say it out loud. "Kakeru, without Tohru, I don't have a dream... without her, I don't really have anything."  
  
"Well, Yun Yun, I'd go with you, if you wanted." Kakeru told me encouragingly. "Heck, forget London, let's move to America. I've always wanted to see that place, Las Vegas. I hear it's like Paris and Italy and New York all rolled into one, let's move there."  
  
"Las Vegas? Are you out of your mind? Besides, they would never let you into America, Kakeru.... You're practically a terrorist, setting our student council room on fire the way you did, one week before graduation." I said and couldn't help but smile at the memory.  
  
"That wasn't a bomb. It was a box of fireworks." Kakeru reminded me. "And it wasn't such a big deal, they still let me graduate."  
  
"Well, you were lucky," I told him. "Your Student Council President defended you."  
  
"Yeah, you did, didn't you?" Kakeru agreed, and then threw his arm around my neck and pulled me off to the left. "Come on, Yuki. My car is right there, let's go."  
  
"Where are we going?" I asked once I was seated in the passenger seat of his small, unwashed car.  
  
"To Tokyo to see Tohru," Kakeru said and pulled out of the parking spot.  
  
"WHAT! No!" I told him and unhooked my seatbelt with the intention of making a run for it.  
  
"Yes, Yun Yun, I can't allow you to go on like this. I am making it my number one priority to get the two of you back together." Kakeru insisted. "I owe you for the fireworks incident."  
  
"But you don't even know the whole story," I said to him.  
  
"Well, it's a long drive to Tokyo, you can tell me everything on the way." Kakeru said as he pulled out of the school parking lot and into the heavy afternoon traffic.  
  
**You sheltered me from harm  
  
You kept me warm You kept me warm  
  
You gave my life to me  
  
You set me free You set me free  
  
The finest years I ever knew  
  
Were all the ones I spent with you**  
  
"You're sure of this? That Tohru slept with Kyo? You're sure that was what the letter said?" Kakeru asked.  
  
We were sitting in his car, which had just parked in front of the beat up old building that was Tohru's apartment complex.  
  
"Well the letter didn't actually say it was Kyo, but it was, I'm certain of it." I told him and looked out the window towards the second floor where Tohru lived before opening the car door.  
  
"You're probably right." Kakeru agreed and grabbed my hand before I could slip out of my seat. "But either way, you have a right to know the truth. What she did, Yuki, I have to tell you that I'm not very happy with her for it. It was cowardly of her. I've always thought Tohru was a better person than that."  
  
"Don't talk that way, Kakeru," I told him coldly. "Whatever she might have done, I won't allow you to speak badly of Tohru."  
  
"Yes, of course." Kakeru agreed and let go of my hand. "Did you want me to come along, then?"  
  
"Um..." I thought about his question for a moment before answering. My heart was beating frantically and I had no idea of what I might say to her. What if she got angry with me for coming? Worse, what if she wasn't alone? Akito had informed me that Kyo had gone missing and at the time I had just assumed he was off training in the mountains, but what if he wasn't, what if he was here?  
  
"Well, maybe just to the entrance," I decided. Shutting the car door, I waited for Kakeru to get out and walk over to my side, and then together we headed to Tohru's building.  
  
**I would give anything I own  
  
I'd give up my life My heart My home  
  
I would give everything I own  
  
Just to have you back again**  
  
"She's not home," I called down to where Kakeru was standing. After knocking one last time, I headed down the stairs.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked and looked up toward the darkened apartment window.  
  
"She's not." I told him, and since I was at the bottom of the stairs, I took a seat and stared down at my feet to hide the fact that I had tears in my eyes. "I knocked several times."  
  
"So we wait then." Kakeru decided and sat down next to me.  
  
"You don't mind?" I asked him. "I mean, you must have better things to do."  
  
"What, better then hanging out with Yun Yun? Hardly," Kakeru said with a smile, but then he noticed that I was crying and his smile faded. "Ah... I think I have some tissue in the car, I'll go check." He told me and stood up.  
  
"Thanks." I mumbled, then looked past him to the apartment we were sitting right in front of as its door slid open and a very questionable looking gentleman exited.  
  
"Oh...." The man said, and smiled. "Are you looking for Shi?"  
  
"Shi?" I repeated and stood up.  
  
"My younger brother, I thought you were two of his friends," the man explained. "I thought I might be able to bum a smoke off you."  
  
"A cigarette? No, we don't smoke." I said uncomfortably, as this man was now standing right in front of me and smiling down in an overly familiar way.  
  
"No, you don't, do you? You don't look the type. You're looking for her, aren't you? For the Honda girl," he surmised.  
  
"Yes," Kakeru answered before I had a chance. "We're here to see Tohru Honda, but it appears that she isn't home."  
  
"It's not that she isn't home," the man informed us. "It's the same as I told the cute blonde that came looking for her yesterday, she's moved out."  
  
"WHAT?" I sputtered in surprise. "What do you mean she moved out? Where...?"  
  
"I have no idea." The man answered and I felt my heart fall to my feet, but then the man smiled, revealing a mouth full of cigarette stained teeth, and continued, "You should try asking at her work. Perhaps someone there knows."  
  
"Uh... that's a good idea, Yuki. Let's try that." Kakeru said, and grabbed my hand to pull me towards the car.  
  
"Wait!" I said and pulled my hand away. "I don't know where Tohru works. She's never told me."  
  
"Can't say that I'm really surprised," the man said under his breath. "It's not really something to be proud of."  
  
"Well, then, would you be able to tell us where Tohru works?" I asked the man.  
  
"Certainly, she works at the adult book store, the one right down the street on the corner. I'm not really sure what the name is, but you can't miss it, it's the place with all the bright pink neon lights." The man informed me.  
  
"You're a liar!" I said, my voice filled with icy rage, and the man took a surprised step backwards. "Tohru would never... she wouldn't...."  
  
"Well, of course she does." The man told me. "But I do understand where it would be a surprise. Nice girl like that...."  
  
"You're full of shit," I said coldly to him and pulled back my hand in order to slap the grin off of his face, but Kakeru stepped in front of me.  
  
"Come on, Yuki." Kakeru said. "Let's leave this man alone."  
  
"But..." I said in cool indignation. "This man is lying. Tohru would never...."  
  
"I know, Yuki." Kakeru said soothingly, and laid a hand on each of my shoulders. "But let's just walk down the street to the bookstore, just to make sure, okay?" Then he turned his head and nodded to the sleazy lying bastard. "Thank you for your help, sir. Excuse us," he said before grabbing me by the hand again and pulling me away.  
  
**You taught me how to love**  
  
**And what it's of What it's of  
  
You never said too much but still you showed the way  
  
And so I knew from watching you  
  
Nobody else can ever know  
  
The part of me that can't let go**  
  
"Why did you stop me, Kakeru?" I asked angrily as we walked towards the pink lights up the road.  
  
"Because you were about to bitch slap that man, Yuki, and he was a total stranger." Kakeru told me.  
  
"And your point would be?" I asked in annoyance.  
  
"Really, Yun Yun, sometimes that temper of yours... it can be a bit scary," Kakeru admitted.  
  
"He was asking for it." I told him, and Kakeru looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't. Instead he nodded and fell silent until we had made our way up the street to the corner.  
  
"This must be it," Kakeru said, and I stared in horror at the building in question.  
  
"An Acquired Taste? Interesting name for a porn shop," Kakeru commented. "Listen, Yuki, I know that this isn't actually your type of... environment. If you want, you can wait here and I'll go inside and ask about Tohru for you."  
  
"No. It's all right, Kakeru. I can do this myself." I told him, but then quickly added, "Unless you want to come in with me."  
  
"Well, of course I'm coming with you." Kakeru said with a grin before ripping the door open and shoving me inside. "Yun Yun's first hentai experience, I wouldn't dream of missing it."  
  
**And I would give anything I own  
  
I'd give up my life And my heart My home  
  
I would give everything I own  
  
Just to have you back again  
  
Just to touch you once again  
**  
"What in the world is that thing?" I said in fear, and averted my eyes from the weird and rather unnerving device that Kakeru had picked up and was presently examining.  
  
"How exactly do you think this thing works?" Kakeru asked curiously.  
  
"How should I know?" I answered in frustration. "Put it down before you break it." Spotting a small silver bell on the counter next the cash register, I tapped it timidly and a moment later a tall, fairly attractive women stepped through a curtain of florescent blue beads that appeared to lead to a storeroom and smiled at me.  
  
"My, now aren't you a pretty one?" She purred into my face, and I took a step back in nervousness. "And shy as well, I see. That's all right, I like them timid."  
  
"Excuse me Miss, what is this used for?" Kakeru asked, and to my horror waived the device in question at the woman.  
  
"That?" The woman laughed and turned her attention to my perverted friend. "Well, that... it's complicated. Perhaps you might like a demonstration?"  
  
"NO!" I screamed in shock. "That will not be necessary, no demonstrations! Kakeru, we didn't come here for... for that... we came here for Tohru."  
  
"Tohru?" The woman repeated, turning her eyes back to me and staring at me strangely, very strangely. "You're Yuki, aren't you?"  
  
"Ye... Yes," I said in surprise.  
  
"I see." The woman said and continued to stare at me for a moment before continuing. "Well, I'm sorry, but Tohru doesn't work here any longer. She quit a couple weeks ago."  
  
"So she did work here, though?" Kakeru asked and looked at me sympathetically.  
  
"Yes, and to be honest, I was very sad to see her go. The girl was a very good worker. I was disappointed at the way she left us, though, without so much as a moment's notice. I'd expected better of her." The woman said, and then she smiled. "But then, who am I to stand in the way of true love?"  
  
"True love?" Kakeru and I blurted out simultaneously.  
  
"Well, yes, of course." The woman smiled warmly at me, then reached across with one long nailed finger and gently touched my cheek. "Tohru quit so she could move away and be with her lover... uh... what was that boys name again? Kyo, I think it was... Kyo Sohma."  
  
**Is there someone you know  
  
You're loving them so But taking them all for granted  
  
You may lose them one day Someone takes them away  
  
And they'll never hear the words you have to say**  
  
Neither Kakeru nor I spoke much during the ride home. I stared out the passenger side window, clutching the unopened can of coffee and small plush animal that Kakeru had picked up for me at the vending machines in front of the gas station where we had stopped to refill his tank. The animal, weirdly enough, was a little gray teddy bear with big violet eyes.  
  
"It reminded me of you." Kakeru said with a shrug when he handed it to me, and although I didn't really want it, I accepted it silently. I understood, after all, that this was Kakeru's bizarre, unspoken way of telling me to cheer up, that everything was going to be all right.  
  
I was numb, my body and mind sedated by the shock of Tohru's duplicity. 'When had it happened?' I wondered to myself. 'When had the wholesome girl that I fell in love with changed into this whole other person?'  
  
'Maybe she has always been this way,' I realized painfully. 'Perhaps it is just as Akito has always said. Perhaps women, even one like Tohru, cannot be trusted.'  
  
"Are you going to be okay, Yuki?" Kakeru asked as we pulled off the highway and up the road that led to the gates of the main house.  
  
"I'm all right." I whispered, and then added. "Thank you for giving me a ride."  
  
"It wasn't a problem, Yuki, but I am worried about you. Are you certain that you're ready to go home? We can go for food if you would like, or a drink?" Kakeru said with genuine concern in his voice.  
  
"I can't, I need to get home. Akito doesn't know where I am. He gets weird about that type of stuff." I explained and felt rather childish about it. "Thanks for asking, though."  
  
"It's what friends do," Kakeru said.  
  
"Friends?" I repeated without really meaning to, and I wasn't surprised when Kakeru looked at me funny before smiling.  
  
"Of course, Yuki. You know that I'm here for you, right? Whatever you need," Kakeru told me.  
  
"I suppose." I said softly, and then because we were coming upon the main gate I gestured for him to stop. "The gate's just ahead, but you can drop me here."  
  
"Okay," Kakeru agreed and pulled the car over to the side of the road.  
  
"Well, I guess I will see you in school tomorrow." I said, then unhooked my seatbelt, pushed open the door, and slipped out of my seat.  
  
"Yuki," Kakeru called out to me as I was about to shut the door. Pausing, I leaned down to see what he wanted. "You have my number. If you need to talk or anything, call me, okay?"  
  
"I will, and thank you again for driving." I said, and then I stood up straight, shut the car door, and walked towards the main gate.  
  
**And I would give anything I own  
  
I'd give up my life, and my heart, my home  
  
I would give everything I own  
  
Just to have you back again  
**  
Hatori was just exiting the garden when I arrived in the hallway, on my way to find Akito. Upon seeing me he frowned and stepped in front of me, blocking my way.  
  
"You're late, Yuki." He pointed out. "You should have let Akito know that you would not be coming straight home from school, he sent the driver. I'm afraid he isn't pleased."  
  
"He's upset? I was afraid that he might be. I shouldn't have gone without telling him." I said, and then added, "But what about Kureno? He isn't here? He came by this morning... I was under the impression that Akito was going to ask him to keep him company."  
  
"Kureno isn't here, although Akito has been calling him nearly non-stop since I arrived. Evidently Kureno has done something to make Akito extremely upset, but Akito wouldn't tell me what it was."  
  
"That bastard Kureno, did he do it again?" I said furiously and pushed past Hatori in an angry gust. "I shouldn't have left them alone together, I told Akito that it wasn't a good idea, but he wanted to spend time with him."  
  
"Yuki?" Hatori called after me as I hurried away. "What is it? What has Kureno done?"  
  
"Nothing you need to worry about, Hatori. I'll tend to Akito, you can leave now," I called back, then stopped in front of the garden and took a deep breath before sliding open the door and walking inside.  
  
**Everything thing I own  
  
My life, my heart, my home  
  
I'd give everything I own  
  
My life, my heart, my home  
**  
"Akito! Are you all right?" I said and rushed towards the bungalow where he was laying on the futon, huddled deeply beneath a blanket that was much too thick for such a warm day. Sitting beside him on the futon, I dropped my backpack on the floor before grasping the edge of the blanket in my hand and pulling it away from his face.  
  
"Where were you?" Akito asked viciously and sat up quickly to grab my chin in one hand. "I've had a very bad day, and I needed you here! I had to make Hatori come, I couldn't bear being alone."  
  
"I know. I'm so sorry. I should have called to tell you that I was coming home late, I didn't think." I explained, and tried to ignore the fact that one of Akito's nails was digging painfully into my cheek.  
  
"Don't ever do that again!" Akito said coldly and released my face from his hand. I nodded guiltily, noticing how red and swollen his eyes were. He'd been crying again, probably all day, and it really was my entire fault, because I had put myself first. I was feeling stir crazy and wanted to return to school, so I'd left Akito with a rapist. I was such a dreadful person. It is really no wonder that Tohru didn't chose me, she's probably known all along how selfish I really am. A stupid, selfish little rat!  
  
"Akito, tell me, what did Kureno do to you?" I demanded gently. "He didn't... hurt you again? He didn't try to take advantage of you?"  
  
"No," Akito said and quickly turned away from me, so that I couldn't see the tears glistening in his eyes. Over the past week the two of us have made quite the pair, both of us breaking down at the drop of a hat, both of us making weak attempts to hide our pain from the other. In the end it's always the same, one of us ends up crying in the other's arms. But in the beginning we pretend, just as he is doing now.  
  
"Does it always have to be this way?" I asked and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Let's not hide it anymore."  
  
"What do you mean, Yuki?" He asked softly and wiped at his face with the sleeve of his robe.  
  
"You can cry in front of me, Akito. It's really okay. I don't mind at all." I told him and smiled when he turned his tear stained face towards mine.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Yuki." He said, and smiled back at me. "I don't cry. Sohma men should never cry."  
  
"If you say so," I agreed, and moved my hand to his face to brush away the tears.  
  
"I miss him." He told me, and I nodded understandingly.  
  
"I know. I miss her." I said and took a deep breath. "But, you were right about her, you know."  
  
"I was right?" Akito asked curiously. "About what was I right?"  
  
"I went to Tokyo, to see Tohru, but she doesn't live there anymore. It's just as you said, Akito, she's with him. Tohru's with Kyo. You were right about everything." I told him, and now it was my turn to move away and hide my sorrow.  
  
"Yuki?" Akito said in a soothing whisper and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry that she has hurt you. That awful girl, it's unforgivable, but you see now that I have only been thinking of you, only trying to protect you?"  
  
"Yes," I agreed and looked up when the phone rang and he pulled his hand quickly away in order to answer it.  
  
"Kureno?" Akito said hopefully into the phone and then continued disappointedly. "Oh, it's you, Hatori.... What is it that you want?"  
  
Laying back on the futon, I closed my eyes and waited for Akito to finish his call.  
  
"No, it's fine. I have Yuki here with me now. I have no further need of you today." Akito said irritably and without a goodbye, slammed down the phone.  
  
"Yuki, are you going to sleep?" He asked and then nudged me with the palm of his hand against my shoulder. "It's too early for that. I've slept a lot already today."  
  
"I'm not." I assured him, and opened my eyes. "Was there something that you wanted to do, Akito? Have you eaten, would you like me to get you something?"  
  
"No, I'm not hungry, not at all." Akito told me, and then he leaned across me and reached out his hand to pull something from the pocket of my backpack. "What's this?" He wondered and held out the small stuffed animal Kakeru had given me.  
  
"Oh that..." I said in embarrassment. "It's nothing."  
  
"It's cute." Akito said and held the stuffed animal up next to my face, "It sort of looks like you."  
  
"You can have it, if you want." I told him, and was surprised when his face lit up gleefully.  
  
"It's for me?" He asked and actually hugged the small animal to his chest.  
  
"Uh... sure... if you want it," I said.  
  
"You've made me happy, Yuki, very happy!" Akito told me.  
  
"I'm glad, Akito." I said honestly, and then stared openly as he laid the small stuffed bear down, carefully, on an empty pillow before turning to give me a big, childish grin.  
  
'He really is happy?' I realized in astonishment, for this was a side of Akito that I had never before seen. 'Even when we were children together, I cannot remember Akito ever actually acting like a child, and that,' I decided, 'is a shame.' It was really rather appealing, this strangely gentle side, and I hoped that I might see more of it in the future.  
  
"So then, Akito, what shall we do tonight? Would you like me to read to you?" I asked him, sitting up and wrapping my arms around my knees.  
  
"No, I'm not in the mood for books." He told me, and I was sad to see his smile disappear.  
  
"Well, what then? What are you in the mood for? We can do whatever you like," I said and tried to think of something that might interest him.  
  
"There is one thing I might like... something Kureno used to do...." He said shyly and bit at his bottom lip thoughtfully. "But, no... you probably wouldn't like it, it would make you uncomfortable."  
  
"What is it?" I wondered, and for a moment I feared his answer. What if he wanted something... perverted?  
  
Leaning over, Akito pulled open the drawer of his bedside table and removed a small bottle of oil.  
  
"Would you consider, maybe, giving me a massage?" He asked and held the bottle out towards me.  
  
"A... a massage!?" I stuttered awkwardly as my face grew warm. "But I've never, I don't really know how."  
  
"It isn't very hard," Akito told me and placed the bottle of oil in my hands. "I can teach you and after, if you'd like, I can do you." Standing up with his back to me, he untied his robe, and then slowly pushed it off of his shoulders, letting it drop to the garden floor.  
  
**Every little thing **

**Every little thing **

**Every little **

**Every little thing you ever wanted**  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
Mwa-hahahahahahahahaha!


	18. Number 1 Crush

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to **"# 1 Crush"** they are property of Garbage.  
  
Tee hee hee  
  
----------------  
  
**I LOVE YOU  
  
Chapter Eighteen: # 1 Crush**

**-----------------**  
  
**I would die for you  
  
I would die for you  
  
I've been dying just to feel you by my side  
  
To know that you're mine**  
  
'At last!'  
  
It had taken so long and involved so much hard work and an amazing amount of self control, but finally... finally....  
  
**I would cry for you  
  
I would cry for you  
  
I would wash away your pain with all my tears  
  
And drown your fear**  
  
As Yuki's oil swathed fingers ran prudently across my shoulders and then down along my back I allowed myself a small sigh of self-satisfaction. I had won! Everything was exactly as it was fated to be, my lover was nearly ready to be possessed.  
  
"Does this feel all right?" Yuki wondered quietly and I smiled to myself.  
  
"A little harder would be good, and lower, can you go a bit lower?" I requested. Yuki's fingers paused for a moment, and then obediently slid down to delicately caress the small of my back. 'Being the victor is certainly pleasant,' I thought to myself and closed my eyes in order to fully enjoy the divine fruits of my labor.  
  
The last few weeks have been... interesting. That stupid twit really did a number on my pretty little rat. Yuki has been such an inconsolable mess, poor boy. I have to admit that I have rather enjoyed picking up his wounded little pieces. Who would have thought the simple act of crying could be so therapeutic, or so useful? I would have cried in front of Yuki ages ago if I had known what the payoff would be. All these years of trying to win Yuki's affection and all of my unsuccessful attempts at manipulation when all that was really required were Yuki's broken heart and my tears.  
  
**I will pray for you  
  
I will pray for you  
  
I will sell my soul for something pure and true  
  
Someone like you  
**  
Yuki hadn't been lying; the boy obviously had never given a backrub in his entire life. He was really no good at it, none at all, but I was certain he could be trained.  
  
"Is that better?" Yuki whispered, and I couldn't help but notice the breathless quality to his voice. 'Oh, yes, my little rat is starting to like this, isn't he?'  
  
"It's still not really hard enough." I said and thought to myself, 'or low enough.'  
  
"Um... okay," Yuki said and put a little more force in his movements. "Like this?"  
  
I thought to myself, 'No, it's still not right,' but to Yuki I said, "Maybe just a little more oil?"  
  
**See your face every place that I walk in  
  
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking  
  
You will believe in me  
  
And I will never be ignored**  
  
"Oil?" Yuki wondered, and then reached one hand across the futon for the bottle of oil while his other hand slipped slowly downward to stroke along my buttocks.  
  
'Yes!' I nearly screamed out loud. 'That is perfect, right there, exactly there, oh it feels so wonderful, Kureno, don't stop!' My eyes flew open and my body tensed involuntarily as Kureno's name coursed through me.  
  
"Sorry," Yuki said very softly and jerked his hand away. "I didn't mean to, I wasn't paying attention, my hand slipped...."  
  
"It's okay, Yuki." I said and quickly sat up to stare into his wide, violet eyes and wonderfully flushed face.  
  
It struck me again how beautiful he was and I pushed all thoughts of Kureno from my head as I leaned in and covered Yuki's lips with mine.  
  
Yuki let out a tiny gasp of surprise, but he didn't pull away. Lifting my hand, I ran one finger along his cheek while staring deeply into his eyes and intensifying the kiss.  
  
Pressing my tongue through closed lips, I lowered my hand and pulled him nearer into my arms. His body tightened up for a moment and I hesitated, not wanting to frighten him, not after coming so close... but then his eyes closed, he relaxed, and I knew that he was mine. Finding his tongue, I swirled teasingly around it and was pleasantly surprised when he responded with a weak sigh and I felt gentle fingers running faintly across my back.  
  
But something was wrong. Something was growing in the pit of my stomach, an ugly, dark, and unfamiliar feeling, and I hated it. I detested the way it was making me feel dirty, like I was doing something bad.  
  
'What is this?' I wondered uncomfortably. This was my dream, I was kissing Yuki, his body held firmly against mine and my tongue exploring his sweet mouth... and yet... it was unfathomable, but every ounce of my being wished it was Kureno I was holding, Kureno I was kissing.  
  
'No!' My heart cried out as I pushed Yuki away from me and jumped up from the futon.  
  
"Akito!" Yuki said as his eyes filled with confusion and pain. "What did I...."  
  
"Go... get out of here." I said to him cruelly while bending down to retrieve my robe. "I want to be alone."  
  
"But..." Yuki started and peered over at me, his beautiful eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Have I done something to upset you?" He asked in a whisper.  
  
"I... I..." I mumbled, and shook my head, trying to clear Kureno from my mind.  
  
"Are you okay?" Yuki inquired weakly.  
  
Disregarding the question, I turned away and quickly dressed.  
  
"This was a mistake..." I told him softly, and since it appeared he had no intention of leaving, I headed for the door.  
  
"Akito!" I heard him call out as I slid open the garden door. Ignoring him, I entered the house, closed the door behind me, and walked quickly to my bedroom.  
  
**I would burn for you  
  
Feel pain for you  
  
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart  
  
And tear it apart**  
  
Entering the room, the first thing my eyes came across was the birdcage. Hurrying towards it, I fumbled with the latch and pushed my hand inside to carefully catch hold of the small bird and gently bring it out.  
  
"Kureno," I whispered. Closing my eyes and gently caressing my lovebird's silky feathers, I pictured Kureno's face and remembered his words from that night.  
  
_"Why the hell do I love you so much?"  
_  
"Because you're mine, Kureno, and you belong with me," I informed the empty room with a smile.  
  
Opening my eyes and loosening my fingers, I allowed the bird to fly away, and then I walked over to my bed, sat down, and picked up the phone.  
  
**I will lie for you  
  
Beg and steal for you  
  
I would crawl on hands and knees until you see  
  
You're just like me**  
  
Dialing quickly, I tried to put my thoughts in order. I had made a mistake in sending him away, I knew this now, and I wanted him back. I wanted Kureno home and in my arms right now! But what if he didn't want to come home? What if he meant those awful things he said to me this morning?  
  
_"You have Yuki. You've gotten everything you've always wanted. Now I just need you to leave me the hell alone for a while."  
_  
The phone rang... and rang... and then, just as it had every time I had called earlier today, his voice mail picked up. Kureno was apparently avoiding my calls. Closing my eyes, I felt a familiar emotion growing within me, an unbearable longing tinged with frustration and anger.  
  
"Damn it!" I screamed into the phone and pulled back my hand, intending to throw the phone across the room, but I stopped. Instead, I pictured Kureno's gentle face, took a deep breath, and sat the phone aside.  
  
'He's still angry,' I realized. 'He's angry and he's trying to teach me a lesson. Kureno is, after all, just like me. He loves me, so he wants me to feel pain.'  
  
"That is fine, Kureno," I said to myself. Standing, I walked across the room to my closet so that I might pick out something to wear. "If that is how you want it, then I shall have to come to you."  
  
**Violate all the love that I'm missing  
  
Throw away all the pain that I'm living  
  
You will believe in me  
  
And I can never be ignored  
**  
Yuki was laying face down on the futon when I entered the garden a few hours later and walked over to sit at his side.  
  
"Yuki, I wanted to let you know that I am going out for the evening." I told him, and waited for a moment while he sulked into his pillow. It was obvious that the boy was still rather gloomy, which was really too bad. 'That damn girl, causing all this anguish for him, perhaps I was too lenient on her,' I mused.  
  
Oh well, it was a shame that Yuki was in such a melancholic state, because I myself felt magnificent. Having decided I couldn't very well show up at Shigure's covered in massage oil, I had taken a long, luxurious bath. This had allowed me the time I needed to think. Kureno would no doubt be delighted to learn that I wanted him back, and soon I would be in his arms. I could hardly wait, it was going to feel so incredible to make love to him again, and maybe if Kureno behaved himself, I might even let him do that thing again... that might be rather nice. Yes, I think that I will.  
  
After bathing, I had pulled on a thin black turtleneck and a pair of form fitting black pants. Then I had brushed my teeth and taken the time to perfectly style my hair. I had considered just leaving without saying anything to Yuki, because I wanted to avoid this exact thing, his depression cramping my style, but in the end I had decided it was only right that I tell him goodbye. It was the proper thing to do.  
  
"You're upset, aren't you, Yuki?" I asked him and patted his shoulder in a friendly manner. "Don't be. Okay? That kiss, it didn't mean anything, you know. It's already forgotten. I understand that you're going through a lot right now, what with everything that horrible girl has put you through."  
  
"I'm not upset," Yuki told me and sat up, but the redness of his eyes and the sour expression on his face said differently.  
  
"That is good," I told him with what I hope was a heartening smile.  
  
"Where are you going?" Yuki asked, and looked me over, obviously admiring how lovely I looked. I just hoped Kureno would feel the same.  
  
"To Shigure's, to see Kureno," I told him honestly and ignored the look of worry flashing across his face. "And I've decided that I will be spending the night, so you shouldn't wait up," I added.  
  
"So you're going to... with that rapist?" Yuki mumbled softly.  
  
"Uh? Oh.... Yes, I guess that I am," I admitted. As I stood up, my stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten since breakfast and giving me the most fabulous dinner idea, something I was certain Kureno would enjoy. "So I'll see you tomorrow, Yuki, and don't look so depressed. Why don't you call Hatsuharu or one of your school friends to cheer you up?"  
  
Yuki said nothing, only nodded, but I took it as a sign that he was okay.  
  
I hurried out of the garden, because I still had preparations to make and I didn't want to waste another moment in Yuki's dreary company.  
  
"Good evening," I said to my cook when I entered the kitchen, catching her unaware and napping on a chair in the corner.  
  
"Master Akito!" She said and hopped to her feet. "I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't sleep well last night and...."  
  
"It isn't a problem," I told her, and smiled. "I need you to prepare something for me. A sort of... picnic, if you will," I said, and then thought deeply for a moment before asking her, "Do I own a picnic basket?"  
  
"No, sir, I don't believe that you do." She informed me, and I frowned in displeasure. After all, what was a candlelit picnic without a basket?  
  
"I wonder if Hatori might happen to have one," I said and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. Walking over to the chair that my cook had just vacated, I took a seat as I dialed. After several rings, a half-asleep Hatori picked up.  
  
"Hatori, it's Akito. I need you to procure me a picnic basket immediately." I told him excitedly, and smiled at my cook, who nodded encouragingly before turning her attention to her work.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
"You took your sweet time, didn't you?" I told the bedraggled Hatori when he showed up forty minutes later with the requested picnic basket in hand.  
  
"I came as quickly as I could," he informed me. Grabbing the basket from his fingers, I offered it to the cook who took it and set about filling it.  
  
"Just what is all this nonsense about, anyway, Akito?" Hatori questioned. "Is this another stunt to torture poor Yuki?"  
  
"Excuse me?" I said darkly, and turned a threatening glare upon my arrogant doctor. We stared at each other momentarily until Hatori backed down and averted his gaze. Satisfied that I had won, as always, I smiled, "This has nothing to do with Yuki. I am making this for Kureno. I thought it would be fun to have a picnic by candlelight, very romantic, don't you think?"  
  
"Kureno," Hatori said in astonishment and opened his mouth, probably to say something nasty, I presumed. Before he could, I put a stop to it.  
  
"Yes Hatori, Kureno! My lover and I are going to have a picnic. Do you have a problem with that?"  
  
"Very well then, I hope you and Kureno enjoy yourself," he said in a low voice.  
  
"Yes, I think that we will." I told him, and took the picnic basket that my cook had finished filling and was holding out towards me. "Come along, Hatori, I'll see you out."  
  
Hatori remained silent as we exited the kitchen and headed towards the front of the house. Glancing over at him, I knew his academic mind was trying to decode me, trying to figure out what I was really up to. I knew this, because it was what Hatori did. My doctor didn't trust me, he hadn't for years, not since that nasty Kana incident, but he did dread me. Fear was my weapon of choice when it came to my family, and in Hatori's case it had worked surprisingly well.  
  
But not, apparently, well enough.  
  
"So now it's Kureno, is it?" Hatori had the nerve to ask. "And what of Yuki?" He added suspiciously. "You're leaving him on his own tonight? Is he all right? You haven't beaten him again? Akito, does Yuki require my aid?"  
  
Slamming open my front door, I turned my head and flashed bitterness into Hatori's arrogant eyes.  
  
"Yuki is doing just fine. Don't worry, Hatori. Yuki and I are friends, and I would never hurt my friend. In fact, I would give my life to protect him. You see, Hatori, unlike some people, I am generous to those who are loyal to me." I told him icily, and then added, "My enemies, though, are a whole other matter."  
  
Hatori didn't answer, instead he looked past me and his one visible eye grew wide in surprise. Turning my head to see what was distracting him from my coercion, I saw that there was a pretty, dark haired boy coming up drive. Spotting us, the boy waved and flashed a gigantic smile.  
  
"Hatori, who is that boy? Do we know him?" I wondered curiously.  
  
"I don't believe so. Perhaps he's soliciting something, but at this hour...." Hatori said. "I wonder how he got through the gate."  
  
"Hello," the boy said as he came upon us, then bowed politely before speaking further. "I am Kakeru Manabe, a schoolmate of Yun... uh... Yuki's. I've come for a visit."  
  
"Yuki?" Hatori said, a tad uncomfortably. "Is he expecting you?"  
  
"Well, not really," the boy admitted. "And should I apologize, the gate was open and I sort of let myself in. Yuki called me, you see, and it worried me. He seemed... well...."  
  
"Depressed?" I finished for him, and smiled while running my eyes over every lovely inch of him. Although I felt fairly certain that Kureno was the one for me, I couldn't help myself, this boy was simply too scrumptious. From the time I was a child it has been a nasty habit of mine, whenever I see something pretty I desire to possess it.  
  
"Yes, he sounded extremely upset," the boy agreed. He had obviously caught my full body assessment of him, because now he was staring boldly into my eyes and smiling at me rather invitingly.  
  
"It's true. Yuki is feeling very sad, I'm afraid. Anyway, I am Akito, head of the Sohma family, and this is Hatori Sohma. We are very pleased to meet you. I am sure Yuki will be delighted that you've come for a visit."  
  
"You're Akito?" The boy said in surprise, and coming to his senses, pulled his eyes away.  
  
"Yes," I acknowledged, "I see you've heard of me. Well anyway, I must be going." I stepped aside and gestured to the open door. "Please, go inside, Yuki is in the garden. Hatori, would you mind showing this young man the way to the garden before you leave?"  
  
"Of course," Hatori said tightly, and from the look on his face I surmised that he was still convinced I was up to something. Oh well, it couldn't be helped.  
  
"Well, goodnight then. It was nice to meet you, Kakeru Manabe. Oh, and by the way, I don't believe that Yuki has eaten dinner yet, and it's rather late. Hatori, would you see that something is served?" Then I nodded my farewell and headed to where my driver was waiting.  
  
**I would die for you  
  
I would kill for you  
  
I will steal for you  
  
I'd do time for you I would wait for you**  
  
The driver pulled up to park behind Kureno's small sports car and I jumped out quickly. Hugging the heavy picnic basket to my chest, I rushed excitedly to the door and knocked loudly. I hid the basket behind my back, posed prettily, and waited. He didn't answer.  
  
'What's taking so long?' I wondered as I knocked again, much harder and longer this time. When there was still no answer, I glanced over to where his car was parked. 'Why isn't he answering? He must be home, where else would he be? It isn't as if Kureno has any friends, with the exception of me, that is.'  
  
Moments passed and I continued to wait, growing impatient and just a tad annoyed. Was Kureno inside? Was he ignoring my knock? Was he still so upset with me that he didn't want to see me at all? That wouldn't do! I pounded on the door once more before setting the picnic basket down and searching my pockets for the tiny key ring that I had been clever enough to bring along.  
  
Using the key, which I've always possessed but never needed before today, I unlocked the door and let myself inside.  
  
The house was dark, but the moonlight through the windows provided me enough illumination that I didn't bother searching for a light switch.  
  
"Kureno, are you here? It's Akito. I've come to spend the night." I called out to the empty rooms. Walking quickly through both floors of the small house, I discovered that I was completely alone. Kureno had gone out someplace, but where? And why did he go without his car? Was he perhaps taking a late night stroll through the woods? 'Well, then, I'll just have to wait for his return, won't I?' I decided, and then smiled ecstatically. 'Actually, this is perfect. I can set out everything for our picnic and won't it be a nice surprise?'  
  
With this thought in mind, I rushed outside and asked my driver to leave.  
  
"Park down the road a bit, and keep out of sight, I don't want you spoiling the surprise," I told him. "And you should make yourself comfortable, as I will be staying awhile, probably the entire night."  
  
Then I returned to the house and debated where the best place for our picnic would be. I decided on Shigure's room, because Yuki's bed was too small and his room too messy.  
  
Sitting the basket at the foot of the bed, I opened it and smiled. Inside was everything Kureno could possibly wish for. Candles, wine, and all his favorite foods, this was going to be perfect, just perfect.  
  
Using the small blanket that the cook had packed, I set up the picnic on the floor in one corner of the room. I uncorked the wine, lit the candles, and then as a last minute thought I ran outside and picked an armful of fragrant flowers which I sprinkled on the bed and picnic blanket. Then I sat down in the corner to wait... and wait... and unwillingly fell asleep.  
  
**I'd make room for you I'd sink ships for you  
  
To be close to you  
  
To be part of you  
  
Cause I believe in you**  
  
I was awakened by... something... a loud noise which had come from downstairs. Sitting up from the floor, I blinked the sleep from my eyes and smiled happily. Kureno was home.  
  
I stood up for a moment, thinking I should be standing when he entered, and then I changed my mind and sat back down again, because I decided I should actually be sitting. I smiled wickedly as I debated the idea of getting completely undressed and greeting my lover in the nude, but then I decided against it because I looked so good in this outfit.  
  
And then I noticed them... there were voices coming from downstairs, two of them, and they were laughing. One was Kureno's and one was....  
  
A girl's!  
  
-----------------------------  
  
I was out the door, down the hall, and down the stairs in a jealous flash. Who was this girl, and what was she doing to my Kureno to make him laugh like that?  
  
My question was answered immediately upon entering the front room... and it was worse then I could have ever imagined.  
  
Kureno was half naked and a horrible, ugly, half dressed blonde harlot was... she was touching him... they were both on their knees on a futon in the middle of the room and her hand was in his hair, touching him! And Kureno, my Kureno, was smiling at her.  
  
"No!" I moaned, and Kureno turned his attention towards me, the smile falling from his lips.  
  
My world spun, for a moment I thought I would collapse. My heart swam in a muddy puddle of emotions... resentment, disappointment, and unbearable grief.  
  
"Akito," Kureno said in a whisper, pushing the girl away and leaping to his feet. He took two shaky steps towards me and I took three desperate steps back.  
  
I had to get out of there. I had to get away, because something was killing me, a feeling stronger and clearer then anything I had ever felt before. It churned at center of my soul, existing where it didn't belong, existing although I was certain that I didn't want it. Love!  
  
I love Kureno... and he has betrayed me with another because I have driven him to it.  
  
**I would die for you**   
  
For the first time in my life I found myself wishing I were dead.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Another chapter down, approximately six or seven, possibly eight, more to go. Yikes! Next up is Kureno's POV.  
  
Thank you to my brilliant editor, **Smiling Onigiri**, for inspiring this chapter and helping to make it what it is.  
  
And thanks to my wonderful readers, for all of your various kindnesses. I really love you people!  
  
Now I want to discuss something with my Fanfiction.net readers. Over the last few months I have known of three different writers who have had their stories yanked from the site, due to someone (who apparently has nothing better to do with their miserable lives, poor things) reporting them for rating abuse. The way I figure it, sooner or later this is going to happen to me. I will be moving this story to the R rated section, but should I suddenly disappear from this site, you will still be able read my stories' updates on mediaminer.org. You can also e-mail me at yukitheratyahoo.com for information regarding my chapter updates.  
  
YTR


	19. To You I Bestow

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "**To You I Bestow**," they are property of Mundy.  
  
Hello everybody.  
  
As always, thank you to **Smiling Onigiri** for her quick and perfect editing job.  
  
Also a giant thank you to **Macbaby**1 for being so amazingly kind to me and for e-mailing me lots of yummy stuff. YTR loves yummy stuff.  
  
I also want to take a moment to tell you all how much it means to me to have so many of you let me know that you are happy with my story. **I love all of my readers**, but want to send some extra big hugs out to: **Sandy, Bleedforme, Lady Indigo Star, Orangellama, Joan Mistress of Magic, Kativa- chan, Darkdreams69, gigglegurl8788, shikon jewel, shiichan921, Inubunny, unknown goddess li-chi, cursors, Kohako Otaku, R Junkie, Devil666sc, Raeluvs, I'll never tell, Shiemi, and Kuramaskitsunemate**. I'm tired, so I hope that I got everyone's pennames correct. You guys have written reviews and/or e-mails to me that have both touched and inspired me. This story would never have gotten as far as it has without your supportive words. Thank you all so much, I hope that you will continue to read and enjoy, and I in turn will continue to write.  
  
**--------------  
  
I LOVE YOU  
  
Chapter Nineteen: To You I Bestow  
  
---------**  
  
**Wait a minute now, I'll see you when I come back **

**I could be sharing someone else's pillow  
  
And my love for you is better than diamonds  
  
To you, everything I bestow**

"Akito," I whispered through the numbing haze that was presently my mind.  
  
Instinctively, I pushed Uo away from me and leapt to my feet, causing the entire house to spin and a bolt of nausea to shoot up from my stomach to my throat. Swallowing hard, I managed two small steps forward only to watch Akito back away.  
  
---------  
  
**ELEVEN HOURS EARLIER**  
  
--------  
  
POOF!  
  
'I've transformed!' I realized, and quickly fluttered into the air to avoid Uo's body as she lost her balance, fell forward, smacked her head against the side of my car, and dropped unconscious to the dirt drive.  
  
"Arisa!" I called out and flew down to her face. "Arisa, wake up!" I yelled as I waved my worthless wings in front of her eyes.  
  
"Damn it!" I cursed, hating my tiny, useless bird form. Landing on the ground next to my clothes, I waited impatiently for the inevitable....  
  
POOF!  
  
Then I stood up, grabbed my pants, and was just about to pull them on when she came to.  
  
"A bird?" She said quietly and I looked up to see her staring at me, wide eyed and slightly dazed, but smiling nonetheless.  
  
"OH! Thank goodness you are all right. You hit your head, I was worried." I stammered foolishly, momentarily forgetting about my state of total undress in my relief at learning she wasn't seriously hurt.  
  
"Yes," she agreed and rubbed her forehead where a large bump was already forming. "It hurts a little, but I think I'll live." Then her smile grew wider and while running her eyes curiously along my chest and downward she added, "Nice jeans, by the way."  
  
"Sorry, sorry," I stuttered. Realizing she could see 'everything,' I hastily positioned my pants to hide my nudity from her inquisitive eyes.  
  
"Don't cover up on my account," she said with a grin.  
  
I expected to feel myself turning red, but I didn't. Instead, I felt a crazy need to explain. "When we transform we tend to undress ourselves."  
  
"I see." She said, and I wondered why she didn't seem more shocked. "We knew about Orange Top, The Prince, and Shigure, it just never crossed my mind that you might be one as well. It makes sense, though, since you're a Sohma, right?"  
  
"You knew about the curse?" I asked in amazement. "How did you? Did Tohru tell you?"  
  
"Oh no, sweet Tohru would never think of betraying her Sohmas. In fact, she has no idea that Hana and I even know," she explained and rubbed at the bump on her head again. "We found out the first time we came to the house to visit Tohru. All three of them transformed right in front of us, and then they had the nerve to pretend that nothing happened. It was really quite hysterical, looking back on it, but it pissed me off a little at the time... it was like they thought we were blind or stupid. Hana was worried that it would cause trouble for Tohru, so we decided to have a little secret of our own. So... now I know your secret and you know mine." Smiling, she turned her head away, allowing me the chance to quickly dress.  
  
"Yes," I said as I stumbled into my pants, "But it would probably be best if you continue to hide the fact that you know." If Akito ever learned that someone outside the family knew about us without his knowledge, and had for years... I didn't even want to think about the consequences for everyone involved.  
  
"Not a problem, your secret is safe with me," she told me sweetly. "So what is it, anyway? The curse, I mean? Hana believes that it is inherited, like some type of cool birth defect?"  
  
"Cool?" I wondered at her choice of words. She thought it was 'cool?' That made no sense, it wasn't cool, it was a curse. It a curse and people would hate us if they knew about it... at least, that was what Akito had always taught me... but then, Akito had also taught me how to lie, hadn't he?  
  
"For certain it's cool," she assured me. "I would love to be able to transform into a little bird. You could fly wherever you wanted, see the world in a whole other way. Oh, and you could hang out on people's window sills and spy on them while they're taking a bath... uh... you don't do that, right?"  
  
"Of course not!" I protested, although it wasn't completely true. I didn't spy on people personally, but I had coerced my friends into spying for me.  
  
"I was just joking." She said, and since I was dressed, I walked towards her and held my hand out to help her up.  
  
"So is this why you never called me?" She asked as she took my hand.  
  
"Partially," I admitted. "But not the only reason, there were... uh... complications."  
  
"Really?" She said as she pulled herself up from the ground. "And what might those be?" She asked and let go of my hand in order to brush the dirt from her clothes.  
  
"I'd rather not say." I told her, uncomfortably. I had learned from conversations with Tohru that Uo had once had very deep feelings for me, and in all honesty a part of me was insanely attracted to her. Uo was certainly a beautiful girl, and she seemed very kind, but... I was in love with Akito.  
  
'Akito isn't in love with you, though,' I was reminded by a voice in the back of my mind, a voice that sounded annoyingly similar to a certain little rat.  
  
"I won't judge you." Uo assured me, and I stared down into her eyes and felt certain she was telling the truth, and yet I still couldn't bring myself to say it. I was a man who was in love with another man, and worse than that, I was in love with my own cousin. It simply wasn't something that you go around telling people about.  
  
"Well, then, you can keep your secrets." Uo said coldly, and I worried that I had insulted her, but then she smiled and gestured towards the house. "Nobody is home. I came to town hoping to talk to The Prince, to see if he knew how I could get in touch with Tohru."  
  
"Tohru?" I asked nervously. Why was Uo looking for Tohru? She wasn't supposed to be doing that. It would be really bad if Akito found out... bad for Tohru, and possibly bad for Uo, as well.  
  
"She's moved away with Kyo." I told her a little too hastily and noticed a flash of something in her eyes, suspicion perhaps? "Didn't she call to tell you?"  
  
I knew Tohru had indeed called her, because I had been in the room with her when she did. After years of experience in covering up sudden disappearances, usually of family members who have gotten on Akito's bad side and ended up exiled, I have become rather proficient in it. The trick is telling people something they will easily believe.  
  
In Tohru's case it was decided by Akito that she would tell people she was moving away to be with Kyo. She was to say that Kyo was journeying to the mountains to train in martial arts for an extended period and she was going with him. Tohru was to make everyone believe that she was in love with Kyo, because Yuki's life depended on it... or so she had been told. It didn't answer all the questions, of course, but Tohru was an excellent actress when she needed to be. I had been certain she'd sufficiently convinced her friends and relatives of her plans for the future, but apparently I was mistaken.  
  
"Yes, she did tell me, but it doesn't make any sense. Tohru isn't in love with Kyo. She cares for him, certainly, just as she cares for your whole family, but Tohru has always been in love with The Prince," Uo informed me.  
  
"She told you that?" I asked, curious as to how Uo could know such a thing since Tohru herself had told me on the ride back from the beach house that she'd kept her feelings for Yuki a secret for years.  
  
_"I know that what I've done is stupid," Tohru whispered to me through her tears. "But I love him so much and I've kept it a secret for so long. I just needed to tell someone, to tell him, but it was foolish of me, and now I've put Yuki in jeopardy."  
  
"Akito won't hurt Yuki." I assured the girl, although I didn't really know if I was telling the truth. "Just do as he asks and Yuki will be safe."_  
  
_"Will you watch over him?" She asked desperately, "If Akito tries to hurt him, will you stop him?"  
  
I looked away from her, from the bright blue ocean of tears that were her eyes, before answering coldly, "Do not ask this of me. I will never go against Akito, especially not to save that rat!"_  
  
_"I'm sorry, Kureno. It wasn't fair for me to ask that of you. Of course you could never consider such a thing. Please forget that I said anything." She said softly._  
  
And that was the end of it. She remained silent for the rest of the ride, and from that moment on Tohru Honda has been the ideal captive. She has done everything I have requested of her, all in the hopes of protecting that rotten little rat. She couldn't have possibly spoken to Uo since the day I allowed her to call everyone, because she didn't have access to a phone. So how did Uo find out?  
  
"No, Tohru would certainly never admit to something like that. She has never been capable of telling people how she feels, or what she needs for that matter. She's kept her heart locked away, and I have to admit it tears me up to see what it's done to her over the last year. She's just changed so much, and not for the better. Unrequited love is a terrible thing, after all. As for The Prince, he doesn't have a clue, which is pretty pitiful if you ask me. How can he not know how she feels, how can anyone be that dense?" Uo asked, and looked at me so pointedly that I was forced to look away.  
  
"But if she's never told you, how can you be so certain, isn't it possible that you're wrong?" I asked. I knew what Uo was getting at. The unspoken message behind her words was undeniable and begging to be acknowledged, but I chose to ignore it. For the moment I needed to focus on the issue at hand, which was to protect Akito at all costs.  
  
"I'm not wrong. I know because I was in love with someone myself once, but he evidently didn't get it, or maybe he didn't want to get it." She said, and the tone of her voice was so hostile that it made me want to squirm away.  
  
"Uh... well then, perhaps Tohru went away with Kyo in order to get over her feelings for Yuki," I suggested. "Seeing as how Yuki belongs to another...." When faced with lying to someone who does not trust you, the trick is in mixing the truth so thoroughly with the lies that it makes it hard to tell the difference.  
  
"What are you talking about? Belongs to another? It's not like The Prince is betrothed, or something stupid like that?" Uo suggested, and since that felt like the perfect solution, I decided to run with it.  
  
"Well, actually, he is. Yuki has been promised to someone since birth." I explained, and since my car door was still hanging open, I closed it and gestured to the house. "Maybe you would like to come inside, so I can better explain."  
  
"Do you have anything to eat in there?" Uo asked shyly. "I sort of missed breakfast." Feeling embarrassed to admit that I did not, and only because I was too intimidated by a Super Market to go shopping, I quickly came up with a plan.  
  
"Let's go out for something. My treat, of course," I suggested. "It's a little late for breakfast, but an early lunch perhaps?"  
  
"That sounds great," Uo admitted. "But if you're buying then I insist on driving."  
  
------------------  
  
Lying to Uo turned out to be much harder then I ever could have imagined. I found it impossible to look her in the eye as I spoke, and she asked so many questions that I actually feared I might slip up and end up disclosing everything to her.  
  
Finally, after almost two hours of laborious interrogation, I managed to convince Uo that Tohru's shock at learning Yuki was engaged to one of his distant cousins had forced her into Kyo's waiting arms. I also convinced her that neither Tohru nor Kyo had left a forwarding address, but that I was certain Kyo would make Tohru very happy.  
  
"Well, good for Orange Top, although I never thought he had it in him." Uo said, and I smiled, assuming that that the subject was closed and we could move on to more pleasant conversation, but I was wrong.  
  
"But what about The Prince?" Uo asked after taking a sip of her tea. "He couldn't possibly be happy with an arranged marriage."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," I said coldly, unable to keep my resentment from slipping out. "Yuki and his future bride appear to be quite happy together."  
  
"Really?" Uo said doubtfully, but then she relaxed and leaned back in her seat, smiling sweetly at me. "I guess I have been worrying over nothing, and to think I skipped school during exam week to check on Tohru."  
  
"You were that worried, then?" I asked, and silently scolded myself for not having prevented this. I'd made Uo worry and almost ruined Akito's diabolical little plan. I would have to be more careful in the future.  
  
"I was," she admitted, "But you've put my mind at ease."  
  
"I did?" I said in surprise, and then added honestly, "I'm glad."  
  
"It has also been really nice to see you again." Uo admitted, "And as for this lunch..." she patted her tiny belly cutely, "It was incredible. I was really starving, I can't thank you enough."  
  
"I'm pleased that you enjoyed it." I told her, and then turned to look at our waitress as she stepped up to our table and removed Uo's empty plate.  
  
"Would you care for anything else today?" She asked, and I looked at Uo, who shook her head.  
  
"That will be all, thank you." I said to the waitress, and then turned my attention back to Uo.  
  
"So what will you do now? Going back to school?" I asked her.  
  
"Not today, the drive is too long. I'll leave in the morning. I suppose I'll need to find a place to stay."  
  
"You have no place to stay?" I asked, "Can't you stay with your family?"  
  
"No, that isn't possible." She said sadly.  
  
"Well, what about a friend's house then?" I suggested guiltily while debating if I should offer to pay for her hotel room, since it was basically my fault that she was without a place to stay. She had come to town because she was worried about Tohru, and that was my fault for not doing my job properly.  
  
"Hana's family moved last year, but no worries, I can get a hotel," she said. "I was going to ask Shigure if I could stay the night, which was rather presumptuous of me, I suppose, but since he's out of town and Yuki isn't living there any longer...."  
  
"Don't do that. Go to a hotel, I mean. You can stay with Shigure – I mean, you can stay with me, at Shigure's house." I blurted out without thinking, before I could stop myself, and she peered at me curiously. "I mean, a hotel is expensive, and it's only for one night, and... maybe it's a bad idea. I shouldn't have...."  
  
"No! It's not a bad idea. It's a great idea." Uo said and clapped her hands. "A sleepover, it will be a blast."  
  
"Well, I don't know about that." I told her, and picked up the check the waitress had just placed in front of me in one hand while searching for my wallet with the other. "I probably won't be any fun at all. I didn't really sleep much last night and...."  
  
"Let's go back to the house and go to bed then." Uo said loudly, then slapped her hand over her mouth, blushing bright red. "I'm sorry, that isn't what I meant. I only meant let's go back to Shigure's and take a nap, uh, but not together. I didn't really sleep last night either, so we can rest up for a few hours and tonight we can go out on the town and have some fun."  
  
"Out on the town?" I wondered as I paid the waitress.  
  
"Yes, we'll go dancing. You dance, don't you?" Uo asked and jumped out of her seat and stood waiting for me to stand.  
  
"Well, a little, I suppose." I told her, although my only real dance experience was preparing for and performing at the zodiac banquet. I had a feeling Uo was not talking about that type of dancing.  
  
"Great, then it's a date. I mean a plan. It's a plan." Uo said giddily before taking me by the hand and practically pulling me to the exit. "Oh, and for dinner let's do sushi and sake bombs."  
  
"Sake bombs?" I wondered nervously as I was pulled out the door and down the street toward Uo's car.  
  
"Yes, sake and beer. You do drink, don't you?" She asked and then actually stopped at the passenger side of her car and opened the door for me.  
  
"Yes, I drink a little. Wine mostly." I mumbled to her while I found myself thinking with a small smile, 'Such a strange and wonderful girl you are, Arisa. I think I shall enjoy spending a bit of time with you. In fact, this is just what I needed, a night on the town with a nice girl, someone to help get my mind off of Akito and the fact that I lost him to Yuki.'  
  
**And tomorrow, I'll be dancin' on my own **

**And I'll need a kiss for my head that's achin' **

**And I'll be a hungry dog without a bone **

**Hoping my place with you is not taken**  
  
Sake bombs, just as the name suggested, turned out to be a very scary experience.  
  
After returning to Shigure's, Uo had napped upstairs in Kyo's room and I had laid on my futon on the floor trying and failing to fall asleep. At 5 p.m. Uo had waltzed downstairs, freshly showered and looking rather attractive. She waited impatiently, actually knocking on the bathroom door at one point to inquire on whether I might have drowned, while I took my bath, and then grinned big upon seeing me fully dressed and ready for a night on the town.  
  
"You clean up really well." She told me, and I found myself wondering, but not asking, exactly what that was supposed to mean.  
  
Uo suggested the restaurant since I didn't have a clue about such things. It was a peaceful, picturesque place with individual rooms and lovely decor. Uo allowed me to order our dinner for us, but piped in at the end to remind me about the sake and beer. I was disappointed to learn that she was actually serious and utterly terrified when she explained what she expected me to do.  
  
"Oh, no," I quietly begged. "If you don't mind, I think I would just like to drink them separately. The other way, it just sounds so messy, and we are in a public place."  
  
"We'll have none of that," Uo told me. "It's just you and me here, and even if it wasn't I wouldn't let you off the hook. Now trust me. You are going to enjoy this."  
  
"Okay then," I said doubtfully. "Explain it one more time."  
  
"It's easy." Uo told me with a devilish grin. "But first you need to drink some of your beer. Your glass is way too full." Holding up her own glass to show me how much I needed to drink, she waited while I took a tentative sip.  
  
"I don't like beer much." I admitted, which earned me a frown of displeasure. Not wanting to spoil Uo's fun, I held my breath and took a large drink, then held it up for her to see.  
  
"Much better," she said joyfully. "Next, take the sake cup and hold it over the rim of your beer glass, like this."  
  
I did as she suggested.  
  
"Then you drop it in." Uo told me and let go of her tiny, white sake cup. It dropped into her beer with a tiny splash, turning it into a glass of fizz and foam.  
  
"Drop yours in, hurry!" Uo insisted, and I released the cup from my fingers and watched as my own glass started to boil.  
  
"Now drink it all, quickly." Uo said and put her glass to her lips. I lifted my own drink, sniffing at its horrible aroma. Seeing that Uo was glaring at me over the top of her nearly empty glass, I held my breath again and took a large chug of the vile tasting liquid.  
  
'This is terrible.' I silently complained as the wet heat of the sake coupled with the icy coolness of the beer and burned its way down my throat and into my belly.  
  
Following Uo's example, I finished my entire beer in one long, painful drink. Then I swallowed hard and sat the empty glass down on the table.  
  
"Woo hoo!" Uo cheered happily. "I knew you could do it." Then she quieted down, because the waitress had pushed aside the curtain to our room and entered.  
  
Uo sat silently, an innocent smile gracing her pretty, feminine face while our first course was laid out in front of us. It was all an act, however, for the moment the waitress exited and we were alone again her wicked, somewhat boyish grin returned.  
  
"Ready to go again?" She asked excitedly and gestured to our glasses of beer and sake that the waitress has just refilled.  
  
"Again?" I wondered and shook my head no.  
  
"Oh yes." She said, and shook her head yes. "Now let's drink."  
  
---------------  
  
A couple of hours later we stumbled out from the restaurant. After my second sake bomb I had felt satisfactorily drunk, but after my forth I was well on my way to being utterly shit faced.  
  
Uo, on the other hand, hardly seemed effected at all. Because of this, because I didn't want her to know that I couldn't hold my liquor, I decided that I needed to pretend. 'I will match her drink for drink tonight.' I vowed to myself and this, as you can probably imagine, was an incredible mistake.  
  
From the restaurant we drove a few blocks down to a small shopping district. At its center was our destination, a nightclub called "The Black Scorpion".  
  
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I wondered as I followed Uo through mildly crowded streets and up the stairs leading into the club. "It tends to be best if I avoid crowds altogether, because of the curse and all," I explained.  
  
"Don't worry." Uo assured me, and she opened the door and pulled me inside. "It's very early. This place doesn't really get packed for a few more hours. We'll stay for a drink and a couple dances, then we'll leave."  
  
Although I wasn't wholly convinced by this logic, I was sufficiently drunk. Additionally, I was completely infatuated with Uo's reckless attitude, so I decided to take my chances.  
  
"Wow. This place is amazing." I noticed, and couldn't help but gawk as I was dragged through the dark but thoroughly fascinating club. The décor was completely black from the floor to the ceiling, with the exception of the dance floor, which was bone white and pulsing with a colorful mixture of lights, creating a faux rainbow effect. The music was loud, so loud that I could feel it coursing almost erotically within me, and as Uo had promised, the place was only moderately busy.  
  
"Dance first, and then drink." Uo announced and pushed me towards the brightly glowing core of the club. Nervously I stared at the other couples that were already dancing and tried to quickly get a feel for what would be required.  
  
Fortunately I tend to be a quick study. After a few minutes on the dance floor my awkwardness left me and I was filled with a feeling of warm contentment and absolute joy.  
  
"This is amazing." I said out loud, and Uo smiled at me and screamed something back. I couldn't hear her, though, since the music was so loud.  
  
"I have never done this, you know." I screamed back, and she nodded.  
  
"You're so funny. I know you can't hear me, and yet you're nodding." I yelled across the floor at her and watched her smile and pretend that she understood me perfectly.  
  
"I really like this, and I think I like you, too." I added thoughtfully, and it was true. For the first time in my life I was out in the world and I wasn't afraid. Perhaps it really was possible for me to enjoy myself even if Akito wasn't a part of my life. 'Yes,' I realized. 'It's possible. It's completely possible.'  
  
"I don't need that spoiled Princess. Yuki can have..." I hollered loudly, not realizing quickly enough that the music had momentarily stopped. Biting my lips to silence myself, I stared around the dance floor at the other couples who had apparently heard me, but were pretending that they hadn't, and at a hysterically laughing Uo.  
  
'It isn't funny,' I thought to myself as the music returned to its ferocious beat, but then realized that indeed it was, and so I found myself laughing as well.  
  
"Come on!" I hollered pointlessly at Uo. Dancing across to her, I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her toward the bar.  
  
"I'd like another drink," I said into her ear once we were seated together at the bar. "What do you suggest?"  
  
"We'll take a couple of screaming orgasms." Uo hollered across to the bartender and my eyes went wide.  
  
"I don't even want to know." I told her, then lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it gently before leaning over to whisper in her ear, "Thank you."  
  
**Kiss me and tell me it's not broken **

**Kiss me and kiss me 'til I'm dead **

**See, I give you the stars from the bruised evening sky **

**And a crown of jewels for your head now**

**For your head now **

**For your head now **

**For your head**  
  
Uo still appeared relatively sober, and I was out of my mind with drunkenness, when we left the bar and wandered down the street.  
  
The night was warm, with a mild breeze that felt soothing against my sweaty skin and smelled so fresh in contrast to the alcohol stained air of the nightclub.  
  
We rushed along the dirt sidewalks, laughing like children as we admired the numerous goods that were being sold from a long line of street kiosks that littered the walkway. Uo bought a pair of gaudy, florescent necklaces and then suggested that I wear the pink, while she wore the blue. Without complaint, I let her wrap the glowing pink chain around my neck and smiled when she placed a gentle kiss upon my cheek.  
  
"Uo," I whispered dolefully. "There is something I should tell you."  
  
"No." She told me, and placed a finger upon my lips. "You don't have to, I think I already know. Yuki stole your princess away, didn't he?"  
  
"Yes." I whispered within my drunken shame, and didn't even bother to try to stop the tears that had started to flow.  
  
"I'm sorry." Uo told me and squeezed my hand reassuringly. "But I, for one, think this princess is a dumb shit, choosing that prissy prince over you. She must be a complete idiot."  
  
"She is," I agreed unhappily.  
  
"Oh my god! Look." Uo said suddenly, and I was once again pulled down the street towards a kiosk full of glittering, fake jewel tiaras.  
  
"You have to buy one of these, Kureno, for her. A tiara for the princess," Uo said to me, and for the first time I realized Uo was a little drunk herself.  
  
"You think?" I wondered and tried to picture Akito in one of the dainty little crowns. "I'm not so sure the princess would approve."  
  
"Most definitely," Uo said. "If you don't buy one for her, I will."  
  
"Well, okay then, I'll take this one." I decided and picked up one that was covered in fake diamonds and phony rubies.  
  
"A fake tiara for my fake princess, how very appropriate," I said to Uo as we headed for her car.  
  
"Exactly," Uo agreed and then stopped, because I had stopped.  
  
"Oh no," I moaned as my head spun unexpectedly, painfully, and I was hit by an overwhelming bout of nausea.  
  
"Kureno? Are you okay?" Uo wondered and placed her hands on each of my shoulders.  
  
"No, don't." I said and tried to pull away, but I wasn't quick enough. To my utter and extreme humiliation I threw up all over Uo's shirt.  
  
**One last night in bed for a time **

**And two more wishes and both are for thine **

**And three guesses, you're the angel's child **

**Four hopes that this love's not spoiled  
**  
**Kiss me and tell me it's not broken **

**Kiss me and kiss me 'til I'm dead **

**See, I give you the stars from the bruised evening sky **

**And a crown of jewels for your head now **

**For your head now **

**For your head now **

**For your head now**  
  
I didn't speak on the way back to Shigure's. I was appalled at myself. I had given Uo my shirt to wear and we'd disposed of the evidence in a garbage can on the side of the road, but I couldn't get over the fact that I had actually thrown up on another human being.  
  
The moment we walked into the house, Uo hurried to the shower. To clean me off of her, I supposed. Unrolling my little futon, I quickly turned the living room into a bedroom, and then opened the closet and pulled out my favorite, newly washed pajamas. I then walked upstairs and sat on the floor outside the bathroom door, holding my pounding head in my hands and waiting until the door slid open and a towel clad Uo exited.  
  
"I brought you something to sleep in." I told her, standing quickly and bowing humbly, while holding the pajamas out toward her and keeping my eyes glued to the floor.  
  
"I'll just need this." She told me and grabbed only the top, leaving the bottom behind. "You can wear the bottom."  
  
"Okay," I agreed, and continued to stare at the floor until I heard Kyo's bedroom door open and close, and then I stepped into the steamy bathroom and headed for the shower.  
  
-------------  
  
I was surprised to find Uo sitting on the edge of my futon when I came staggering down the stairs a short while later. The shower had helped somewhat, but I was nowhere near sobriety.  
  
"I thought you would be in bed already. Don't you need to get up early?" I asked as I walked towards her.  
  
"I do, but I wanted to say goodnight. I was sort of worried about you," she told me.  
  
"I'm okay." I said, but my stomach and head disagreed, and I was hit with another wave of dizziness coupled with another rush of nausea.  
  
"Kureno?" Uo called out, and jumped to her feet to assist me just as I was about to sit down. The top of her earlier injured forehead smacked painfully against the bottom of my jaw.  
  
"OH SHIT! THAT REALLY HURT!" Uo screamed loudly, and together we dropped to our knees.  
  
"I'm so sorry," I told her. "I'm such an idiot."  
  
"No, it's my fault." Uo insisted.  
  
"Like hell it is!" I told her, and stared at the ground, once more avoiding looking her in the eyes. "I'm the one shuffling around like a drunken fool."  
  
"And who is the loudmouth girl who forced you to get drunk in the first place?" Uo asked and then took my chin in one hand and forced it up, making me face her.  
  
"That would be you." I admitted, and watched as a wild grin broke out along her face.  
  
"Exactly!" Uo said, and giggled happily. "And I've enjoyed every minute of it."  
  
"Actually, so have I." I told her honestly and found myself laughing along with her.  
  
"I have to admit you really are quiet the amusing drunk," Uo said. Reaching out her hand, she ran it lovingly through my hair while staring deeply into my eyes.  
  
"I'm glad you found my whole hearted mortification entertaining." I said with a smile, and silently debated the insane idea of perhaps kissing her.  
  
"No!" The well-known voice touched me like ice water, bringing me immediately to my senses and shattering the joy inside me in one hostile blow.  
  
"Akito," I whispered through the numbing haze that was presently my mind.  
  
Instinctively, I pushed Uo away from me and leapt to my feet, causing the entire house to spin and a bolt of nausea to shoot up from my stomach to my throat. Swallowing hard, I managed two small steps forward only to watch Akito back away  
  
Willing myself sober, I opened my mouth to speak only to find myself without any words. Looking at Uo, it struck me how this must look to Akito. She was wearing only a pajama top, my pajama top, and it barely covered her up. I myself was topless and we were together on the futon.... Akito had essentially caught me in bed with someone else!  
  
So why wasn't he saying anything?  
  
'Shouldn't he be screaming,' I wondered to myself, 'and throwing things?' If I were Yuki – or any other member of the family, for that matter – that is exactly what he would do... so why wasn't he? Why was he just standing there, staring at me like that? Staring at me with such a blank, empty look....  
  
"Akito?" I repeated and staggered forward, reaching one hand out and grabbing him by the arm. His mouth moved silently, mouthing something that I couldn't make out, and then he jerked his arm away, turned his back, and rushed toward the front door.  
  
Mindlessly, I started to follow, but before I could make it to the door I was hit by another wave of nausea, so instead I rushed to the toilet and dropped to my knees.  
  
As what remained of my dinner was forced from my stomach and my head screamed in pain, I felt a gentle hand upon my shoulder. I didn't need to look up to know that it was her hand, and not his. Akito would never think of coming near me when I was in such a state. It would disgust him, without a doubt... but her, Uo... she understood, she understood about everything. Uo was an angel and Akito... he was the worst of all demons.  
  
So why didn't that make me love him any less?  
  
**And if you come back, I'll take you to the garden **

**We'll dance to an orchestra on the lawn **

**And we roll in the foggy dew **

**And dance with the ghosts upon **

**The dawn and on the dawn and on the dawn  
**  
**Then you'll kiss me and tell me it's not broken**

**Kiss me and kiss me 'til I'm dead **

**See, I give you the stars from the bruised evening sky **

**And a crown of jewels for your head now **

**For your head now **

**And for your head now **

**For your head now **

**For your head now **

**For your head**  
  
--------------  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
  
Also, just so you all know, I will probably not be posting another update for about 3 to 4 weeks. My editor will be unavailable during that time, and I've decided to use this opportunity to take a short break myself. I need one, actually. I will try to get something up as soon as possible, though, and will try not to keep you waiting too long.  
  
And just so you know, the next chapter will be Kyo's POV. I know a few of you are eager to find out what exactly is going on in that little cottage in the woods. So I will just have to investigate the situation for you.  
  
Bye for now,  
  
YTR


	20. Haunt Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Haunt Me" they are property of Sade

**FYI to my readers:** I reposted this chapter, because fanfiction. net informed me that I couldn't have non-content chapters posted, so I took off the informational posts. I didn't know I broke the rules, and felt terrible about it, but they were very nice when let me know and I will not do that again. : ) They have created an excellent website and deserve respect. However, I did want to let you know that after this chapter if you want to continue this story you will need to do so on at the ilovesohma website. You can access it through the link in my profile, and also get my e-mail address. Most of you know why I am doing this, and so I will not bore you again with details. In the future I may still post new stories on fanfiction. net, because it is a great site, but I feel it is in my best interest to move this story into a private site. Thanks for all of your support.

YTR

Now enjoy the chapter:

--------------

**I LOVE YOU **

**Chapter Twenty: Haunt Me**

**EARLIER THAT DAY, SOMEWHERE DEEP IN THE WOODS...**

"Kyo, dinner is ready." She said softly as she peeked into the small room, which served as both bedroom and, with the bed pushed aside, a makeshift dojo. "Oh, I'm sorry. I see that your training isn't finished yet. It's 6 o'clock, you're usually done by now, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's all right, Tohru." I told her with a smile and stared up from the spot on the floor where I had been meditating about her. "I'm almost done. I'll be there soon."

"Are you sure? I can keep your dinner warm if you need more time." She offered, and I shook my head and stood up.

"No, I'm coming." I told her and bent to shove the bed back into its proper place. "Let me wash my hands and I'll be right with you."

"Okay," she said, "then I'll wait to eat with you." Pulling away from the doorjamb she was leaning on, she smiled faintly and disappeared down the short hallway leading to our kitchen.

Walking to the bathroom, I turned on the tap, picked up a small bar of soap, and quickly washed my hands while staring into the cracked bathroom mirror and hating the person I saw staring back. 'You're worthless,' I told myself. 'You shouldn't have allowed this to happen, allowed her to be locked up like this... if you'd been thinking about someone besides yourself....' Shutting the bathroom door, I lowered myself down to sit on the yellowed edge of the ancient tub. "Tohru," I whispered, and closed my eyes. "I love you, why couldn't that just have been enough?"

The night that Kureno had pulled me from my bed and brought me here, to this tiny run down cottage in the woods, I hadn't fought him. The way I figured it, my life was shit anyway, so it didn't really matter if I spent what was left of it lying on Shigure's rooftop or locked up alone in the woods.

As it turned out, I wasn't going to be alone, a fact that I found at first confusing and later very comforting. Even when I learned that Tohru's single reason for being here was to protect Yuki, and not out of any particular fondness for me, I didn't mind. I was only glad that she was here. To me she was hope.

During those long, painful months that I had been apart from her, I had dreamed of this, of being alone with her somewhere that no one, not even the rat, could come between us. It was something that my master once said, "Dreams should stay as dreams. You should never wish them true, because the reality will never compare." I didn't understand at the time what he meant, but now I understand completely, because although Yuki can no longer physically come between us, his memory can....

**Haunt me**

**In my dreams**

**If you please**

**Your breath is with me now and always**

**It's like a breeze**

She was sitting at the table with her back to me when I entered the kitchen. I stood back for a moment, noticing the way she stared despondently straight ahead at nothing in particular. 'This is how she is when she thinks she's alone,' I realized without surprise and made a noisy show of clearing my throat. Snapping out of her daze, she turned her head towards me and smiled weakly.

"What's for dinner?" I asked as I dropped down in the empty seat across from her and stared into her vacant, dark rimmed eyes.

"Well, ah, I'm sorry but it's instant ramen again." She apologized, and I inwardly cursed Kureno for the chicken shit ass that he was.

"I thought he was supposed to bring some real food..." I started to complain then caught myself. It wasn't Tohru's fault that we didn't have decent food, and I sure in the hell shouldn't be taking it out on her. Me bitching about petty little things was the last thing that she needed right now.

"I'm sorry, Kyo. Kureno said he'd go to the market. He promised and I'm sure he will soon, but until then...." She said guiltily and turned away to hide the fact that her blue eyes were gradually filling with tears... again.

"You don't need to apologize," I told her while looking distastefully at the bowl of instant crap in front of me. "It isn't your fault. It's that bastard Kureno's."

"There are also some frozen meals, if you'd like I could make one of those for you instead," Tohru offered.

"Don't worry about it, I like ramen," I lied. Turning to me, she stared skeptically into my eyes for a moment then shook her head while re-mustering that phony little smile to sit upon her weary lips.

"I know that isn't really true, Kyo." She informed me, and started to stand in order to prepare a second dinner for me.

"No, it is. It's true, really, so sit back down!" I insisted. Picking up the bowl of hot and overly salty ramen, I sipped it. "Mm, that's so good." I said unconvincingly and was happy when her eyes lit up momentarily.

"You're a terrible liar, Kyo." She told me, but dropped back down in the seat across from me.

"Let's just eat, okay." I said to her. Looking over at me, she nodded and picked up her chopsticks.

"To be honest, Kyo, I'm not really that hungry tonight. I guess I must still be full from lunch." She told me, stirring her soup briefly before placing the chopsticks back on the table and staring down at the warped wooden floor.

"You didn't really eat anything at lunch either, Tohru. I know because I watched." I admitted and she gazed over at me uneasily.

"I... didn't? I'm sorry, Kyo, I guess I forgot." She blatantly lied to me, and I frowned at her disapprovingly. "You're right, then, I'd better eat something," she decided. Picking up a single dried carrot with her chopsticks, she forced it to her lips and chewed slowly.

For the next fifteen minutes I sat, silently observing her as she picked uninterestedly at the bowl of ramen in front of her while staring into space. The simple truth was that as much as I adored her, I was finding it difficult to tolerate the withered, spiritless girl she had somehow become. Seeing her this way worried me greatly, but it also pissed me off. I was furious that she was lying to me, that she was keeping her pain hidden away. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't, because she wouldn't allow it.

Moreover, I felt as if she were treating me like a stranger, like someone who shouldn't be trusted. Didn't she understand that I was the person who loved her so wholly that he had turned his back on her to allow her the freedom to be with another? Not just another, my rival. "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours forever," my master's other favorite saying. The one I had listened to, had believed in, the reason I had backed down and allowed the fucking rat to have her... and now she's back, so she should be mine, but....

"This is bullshit!" I decided at last and stood up from the table. "You can't continue like this, Tohru. You've lost too much weight and you're not sleeping enough. I don't mean to sound cruel, but you look like shit."

"I... I don't know what you're talking about, Kyo." She said sweetly, and grinned up at me. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

"If you're fine, then why won't you eat?" I challenged her, and grinned back at her using the same fake ass smile that she was gracing me with.

"Um... I don't know. I guess, maybe, like you, I'm a little tired of convenience foods." She mumbled.

"Oh really?" I asked, and marched over to the silverware drawer where I pulled out a large serving spoon. Then I went to the refrigerator, pulled open the freezer door and grabbed a gallon of chocolate ice cream. Returning to the table, I pulled the top off the ice cream, tossing it like a Frisbee across the kitchen, and plopped the entire gallon on the table in front of Tohru, holding the serving spoon out to her.

"Use this, and eat!" I said firmly, and she stared up at me in shock. "I seem to remember that you love chocolate ice cream, so can the excuses."

"But that spoon, it's for serving...." She started, and I grabbed her by the hand and shoved the spoon between her fingers.

"Either you do it on your own, and eat every single bite, or so help me I will force it down your throat." I threatened, and watched as she lifted the large spoon and stared at it for a moment. "Besides, I hear ice cream is a good cure for a broken heart, and while you eat, we are going to talk."

"Talk?" She wondered as she used the giant spoon to scoop up a tiny bit of ice cream and place it on her tongue.

"Yes, talk," I said while returning to my seat. "We are locked up, Tohru. This place is basically a fucking prison, in case you haven't noticed."

"I've noticed." She said absentmindedly while taking another, larger bite of ice cream. "But once Kureno goes to the market, he'll get food and cleaning products, and we can make this place like a home... we can...."

"Stop it, Tohru... stop pretending this is normal. Do you think I'm stupid?" I asked.

"No... of course not," she answered through a mouthful of ice cream.

"You're depressed, Tohru, I know this for a fact. I know, because I've been there. You rarely eat, you hardly sleep, and when you do you have nightmares. So what? You want me to pretend like you're all right... like that bastard Yuki hasn't broken your heart into bits? Well guess what, Tohru, I refuse. So cut it the fuck out!"

"Don't call him that!" Tohru said defensively while her blue eyes sparked angrily and her hand pulled back like she wanted to punch me, only she didn't have the guts. 'Good!' I thought to myself. 'Get mad and take it out on me. Hit me, beat the crap out of me if you want, but get it the hell out of your system before this it destroys you completely!'

"As far as I'm concerned, Yuki is the worst type of bastard for causing you this pain." I continued, trying to egg her on. "He's just a selfish little son of a bitch, and you're too damn good for him."

"You're wrong, Kyo." She said irritably, and threw the ice cream covered spoon across the table at me. It smacked me in the shoulder, dropped down into my lap, and landed on the floor. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"And another thing, Tohru," I went on, ignoring the feel of cold, wet ice cream soaking into my crotch. "You don't have to keep the fact that you're hurting over that damn rat a secret anymore, because I'm not blind, I know!" Reaching down, I pulled the spoon up off the floor, wiped it off on a napkin, filled it with ice cream, and held it to her lips.

"This isn't Yuki's fault!" She said and smacked the spoon away, covering the table with chocolate ice cream.

"I didn't say it was." I told her, more gently this time. "I'm just saying that I'm here for you. Damn it, Tohru, I understand, I know that you love that damn Yuki, and I also know that being apart from him is ruining you, you don't need to hide it anymore." Refilling the spoon, I lifted it to her lips and waited until she opened her mouth and allowed some ice cream inside. "And another thing, last summer, that thing between us, I was an asshole. You didn't deserve that. I should never have treated you that way."

"Kyo, you weren't an asshole!" She insisted, and then pulled the spoon from my fingers, scooped up some ice cream, and held it out towards me, offering me some.

"Yeah, Tohru, I was, but that isn't what's important right now." I said, taking the bite of ice cream she offered and savoring its sweetness momentarily before moving on. "What is important is that no matter how I've acted in the past, I'm still your friend. You can talk to me about it, about Yuki, if you want. Ah... actually, even if you don't, I'd like to talk about it, okay? I need to know what's going on with you, and why you're really here. Why in the hell did Akito lock you up, anyway? I need to hear the truth because it's driving me crazy. I can't stand being unable to help you feel better, especially after all the times that you've helped me... please Tohru, I really need to know."

'I think that must be more than I've ever said, at one time, in my entire life.' I thought to myself uncomfortably as I took another bite of ice cream while waiting for Tohru to be ready to speak.

"I'm the one to blame." She said quietly, and then leaned over the table as far as she could without falling into my soup and added in the tiniest whisper, "It's my fault that you were locked up here, and it's my fault that Yuki is with that... that... monster."

"That's not true, Tohru. If anything it's my fault that I'm here," I assured her. "Akito has been threatening to lock me up for years, but he allowed me my freedom on the condition that I stayed in school and behaved myself... but I stopped behaving."

"No, Kyo." Tohru whispered, while shaking her head aggressively from side to side. "It wasn't you who stopped behaving, it was me. Akito warned me. Over and over again for the last nine months he's warned me. He told me if I ever went against him again, he would lock you up and he would make Yuki move back to the main house. That he would... Kyo, Yuki's in danger, and it's all because of me!" Standing up so quickly that it knocked the tub of ice cream off the table, she rushed out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bedroom.

"TOHRU!" I called after her, "YUKI CAN FUCKING TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF! It's you that I'm worried about."

**So should you ever doubt me**

**If it's help that you need**

**Never dare to doubt me**

She was laying face down on our bed, bawling her eyes out, when I entered the room. 'Well, at least she isn't hiding it anymore,' I thought to myself while walking over and sitting beside her.

"It isn't your fault that I got locked up, Tohru," I told her gently. "And even if it was, I've already forgiven you, I'd always forgive you."

"But Yuki," she wept into her pillow.

"And I know that Yuki will too, because he loves you, Tohru. Yuki loves you."

"No, Kyo, you don't know what I've done. You have no idea." She cried softly while pulling herself up to sit beside me, and continuing in a low voice. "Akito told me last summer that if I ever slept with Yuki, he would know, and Yuki would be punished just as I was punished. He claimed that Yuki was born to be his lover, that their souls were connected, and that Yuki belonged only to him, but do you know what, Kyo? I didn't care... I wanted Yuki, and I didn't care. I knew that Akito would feel it, would feel every moment of it, but I did it anyway. I was so stupid, Kyo, and reckless, and now... and now Yuki...."

"Yuki will be all right, Tohru." I assured her while my mind and my heart digested everything I had just heard.

"You can't know that, Kyo." Tohru hissed into my ear. "You have no idea what that animal is capable of, what he did to me... what he could be doing to Yuki right now!"

"Then tell me." I said too loudly, and then chastised myself for my temper. Inside of me, it was all starting to come together..._ 'Akito told me, last summer'_....

"Please, Tohru, tell me what happened, what did that bastard Akito do?" I asked calmly, although my insides were churning with rage. ..._'It wasn't you who stopped behaving, it was me'_....

"I can't." She whispered while mindlessly digging her fingernails into my arm. "If I tell you, he'll know." ..._'Yuki would be punished, just as I was punished.'_....

"It's okay, Tohru." I said, while placing my hand over hers and squeezing it tenderly. "You don't need to say it, I think I already know. It was that time last summer, wasn't it? You said you got hurt at work, but I felt certain that you were lying about that. I can't believe we were all too stupid to figure it out. Akito did that to you, didn't he?"

"Yes." She whispered, and my body exploded with fury as I remembered how she looked back then. He had beaten her up so badly, both her body and her face... and scared; she was scared too, wasn't she? She must have been scared out of her mind, and I didn't know... that was exactly when I stopped being her friend.... How could I be such a moron?

"I'll kill that bastard." I vowed, and stood up.

"Don't, Kyo," she whispered. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me back down. "Please stay here with me.... Stay by my side tonight. I wish that you could hold m-" and then she stopped and shook that notion from her head. "I'm sorry." She said softly, and gently squeezed my hand.

Without thinking, without caring, I reached down and pulled her into my arms. For a second I was immersed in the feeling of her, in her warmth, her scent, and her pain, and then, of course, I transformed, but I wasn't about to let her go. I held her, my paws wrapped tightly around her neck, my tongue licking soft kisses at the tears, which were falling unchecked down her cheeks. After a while, she laid back on the bed, cuddling me tightly to her chest and closing her eyes. Laying my head against her shoulder, I listened carefully to the sound of her heart.

**And if you want to sleep**

**I'll be quiet**

**Like an angel**

**As quiet as your soul could be**

**If you only knew**

**You had a friend like me**

**So should you ever doubt me**

**If it's help that you need**

**Never dare to doubt me**

"Kyo," she said sleepily, just as I was about to drift off.

"Huh?" I mumbled wearily back.

"Do you think he's safe? Kyo, you don't think that Akito will... rape Yuki, too, do you?"

"What?" I screamed myself awake, and she opened her eyes and looked at me in confusion. 'I couldn't have heard her right... sure Akito was a psychopath, he was a pervert and a sadistic prick... but a rapist?'

"Tohru? Did you just say rape? That Akito raped you?"

"Kyo?" She whispered, still on the verge of sleep, but waking quickly. "But I thought you said that you knew?"

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End of chapter. Hope to see you at our website. See blurb at top of page for information.

YTR


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